Musical Terms

In order to keep you abreast of the ever-developing world
of musical terminology, we provide herewith the latest
additions to the esteemed Harvard Dictionary of Music:

ALLREGRETTO
When you're 16 bars into the piece and realize you took
too fast a tempo

ANGUS DEI
To play with a divinely beefy tone

A PATELLA
Accompanied by knee-slapping

APPOLOGGIATURA
A composition that you regret playing

APPROXIMATURA
A series of notes not intended by the composer, yet
played with an "I meant to do that" attitude

APPROXIMENTO
A musical entrance that is somewhere in the vicinity
of the correct pitch

CACOUGHPHANY
A composition incorporating many people with chest
colds

CORAL SYMPHONY
A large, multi-movement work from Beethoven's
Caribbean Period

DILL PICCOLINI
An exceedingly small wind instrument that plays
only sour notes

FERMANTRA
A note held over and over and over and over and...

FERMOOTA
A note of dubious value held for indefinite length

FIDDLER CRABS
Grumpy string players

FLUTE FLIES
Those tiny mosquitos that bother musicians on outdoor
gigs

FRUGALHORN
A sensible and inexpensive brass instrument

GAUL BLATTER
A French horn player

GREGORIAN CHAMP
The title bestowed upon the monk who can hold a note
the longest

GROUND HOG
Someone who takes control of the repeated bassline
and won't let anyone else play it

PLACEBO DOMINGO
A faux tenor

SCHMALZANDO
A sudden burst of music from the Guy Lombardo band

THE RIGHT OF STRINGS
Manifesto of the Society for the Prevention of
Cruelty to Violists

SPRITZICATO
An indication to string instruments to produce a
bright and bubbly sound

TEMPO TANTRUM
What an elementary school orchestra is having when
it's not following the conductor (also common in
municipal bands and community orchestras)

TROUBLE CLEF
Any clef one can't read: e.g. alto clef for pianists

VESUVIOSO
An indication to build up to a fiery conclusion

VIBRATTO
Child prodigy son of the concertmaster


And here are the latest and most up-to-date
definitions of traditional musical terms:

AN-DANTE
A tempo that's infernally slow

ANTIPHONAL
Referring to the prohibition of cell phones in
the concert hall

BAR LINE
What musicians form after the concert

BASSO CONTINUO
When musicians are still fishing long after the
legal season has ended

BEN SOSTENUTO
First cousin of the second trombonist

CADENZA
Something that happens when you forget what the
composer wrote

CANTABILE
To achieve a complaining sound, as if you have a
sour stomach

COL LEGNO
An indication to cellists to hold on tight with
their lower extremities

CON SORDINO
An indication to string players to bow in a
slashing, rapier motion

ESPRESSIVO
Used to indicate permission to take a coffee break

L'ISTESSO TEMPO
An indication to play listlessly; e.g. as if
you don't care

MAESTRO
A person who, standing in front of the orchestra
and/or chorus, is able to follow them precisely

OPERA BUFFA
Musical stage production performed by nudists

PASTORALE
The beverage to drink in the country when listening
to Beethoven with a member of the clergy

PESANTE
An effect distinctly non-upper-class

PIZZICATO
Too much coffee -- time to take a break

RUBATO
A cross between a rhubarb and a tomato

STRINGENDO
An unpleasant effect produced by the violin
section when it doesn't use vibrato