when you know things aren't as they seem...

Like driving for an hour out of Bendigo to come across a sign that says "Bendigo". We were about 7kms away. How did it happen? It was foggy, we didn't see signs, we didn't turn off.
At the very least, it was amusing. Particularly as we drove through Bendigo main street, approching it from the other side.

Long days prevailed through two weeks. Although I've slowly been shifting my practice over to uni. Which has been nice. Except for the fact that you have to sign up the previous week. And that it only opens at 8am and closes at 6pm. Plus there's a two hour limit.

Should have studied more for macro mid-semester. Am pretty sure I failed it. Probably only the second piece of assessment I have ever failed (the first being a diagnostic grammar test. I got a 50, which I thought was not so bad for somebody who's never studied grammar. And yes, the pass mark was 60. High standards are probably good standards, by and large..)
Anyway, going to be a nerd and re-do it, for myself.
So that I learn from it.

The couple of things that I felt were right included SepCon. Affectionately renamed "SexCon", it was a weekend to talk about relationships and everything that they may or may not entail. It was good to hear all the teaching again, and presented in such an honest and candid manner. Not that we didn't really already know the things that were taught - they were clarified, and we were told why we should or shouldn't do these things, and all from a Biblical perspective. The community over the weekend was also fantastic - I appreciated knowing that everybody was more than willing to engage in a real conversation, and were welcoming and accepting. There is much to think about as a result of the weekend and it's taking up a lot of brainspace that would otherwise be devoted to work, but I think this is something to consider very carefully.

Had a great music week (by and large). I was nervous about playing my entire programme through for my teacher by memory for the first time after being away (and therefore not practicing) all weekend. But I was determined to do it, so I could track my progress and see what I needed to work on. And she said two things that made me feel much lighter:
i) "I wish all my students played like you after not practicing for a weekend!"
ii) "You're at a stage where you could be three weeks before your exam." And it's about two months until my exams. So long as I don't peak too early....
So as a result, I have put myself down to play my pieces in Concert Class, as well as in Piano Class (masterclasses). And I just have to psyche myself up for it!
And then on Monday I think I came to a realisation about what I want to do after my undergraduate degree.
I have said for the past little while that I think I want to go into Music (and leave the Commerce for a rainy day, I think...) and hopefully do some more study. Wasn't sure where, or what exactly, or how, but I was pretty sure I wanted to pursue chamber music quite extensively.
So when Piano Class rolled around that afternoon, the guest teacher was the associate head of the keyboard department of the Royal Northern College of Music.
Who took the class - I was quite tired initially but I started waking up to all the things she said, which were quite amazing. And then after the class, I wanted to ask her questions about RNCM's programmes. I was introduced to her by K, who said some nice things about me (although I'm not sure if I deserved them all...) and was told that RNCM is one of the best schools in the world for my desired area of study. And not that I believe in fate in the way that it is usually quite flippantly tossed around, but I can't see why it isn't some happy coincidence that I applied to RNCM for undergraduate, was accepted, but couldn't go (due to it being terribly expensive, with little funding for international undergraduate students, particularly from Australia), but instead ended up in Melbourne where my studies in music have been quite well nurtured, and some amazing opportunities presented. Including now meeting this woman who was able to tell me about this school that I really didn't have much idea about even when I applied.
So, I would see RNCM as a serious possibility, and not sure how that will work out. But we'll see. Just one of the ideas I've had recently.

Opposite to that has been some greater disillusionment with some other things of life recently. I suppose that's not completely surprising, I've been over it since 2006. It kinda goes through phases though. And this is one of those times it's definitely on the downswing, probably not the best time for it given that emotions often play a large part in my decisions, but such decisions probably shouldn't be swayed so much by emotions, in the whole scheme of things.

I've given myself six ways to put into practice some of the key things I learnt from the weekend. And told a few close friends to keep me accountable to them. I think they're definitely some things that should take up brain space as they're very important.

Been weirded out by myself and moodes recently, but I think that's just me, going through phases. Hopefully some things turn for the better. I'm trying so hard not to disappoint myself with some things.

I'm not dead...yet!

Sorry about how morbid the title of this post is, but it probably captures best how the last two weeks have progressed.

After the Mozart concert, I thought I could have a rest. I was so mistaken.
It really was only rest from so much Mozart!
There was orchestra that following weekend - the intensive rehearsals. Admittedly, the celeste doesn't really have parts that could be labelled 'intensive', but of course, I still had to go. At least I got my reading done in the times I wasn't playing!

Again, I was told that the part had to be an octave lower. Again, I protested that the instrument didn't go that low. Then it was explained to me how we were going to solve the problem. So, I suppose I still am one of those few people who have told Sir Barry Tuckwell he's not talking sense. But it all worked out in the end.

Orchestra concert went ok, unfortunately the orchestra didn't play as well in rehearsals, which was a bit of a disappointment. Some things went well, some others didn't. It happens. Oh well. Some friends came along, which was cool!

Several rehearsals during the week, with three different soloists. Two were preparing for a competition on the weekend, 20 mins worth of music each. Some pieces easier than others...both at fairly short notice!

I keep scheduling things back-to-back. Which may account for business. And then when people try to re-schedule because things have come up, it is very difficult. For this, I feel bad. But at the moment, I think that's just how my life works. So, having rehearsals and meetings and classes back to back made me eat funny during the last two weeks - meals not in their regular times and what not. Very strange...
particularly as my day definitely is sign-posted with my meals. Sometimes you just forget about being hungry because you need to do things.

A got sick, which was unfortunate. And then wasn't sure whether he was going to compete on Sunday or not. It was all a little like being on call, ready to spring into action or just to do nothing. Either way, it was a bit of a waiting game. And I don't particularly like waiting, so it was pretty interesting to see how it all fared.

Met with W for breakfast, which was nice. Haven't seen her in a while. We talked for a while, caught up on all the news and thought about the future. Scary, but cool. Unknown but ready to face it and see what happens.

Went to T's 21st birthday celebration on Saturday night. It was cool to see a lot of people I haven't seen in a while. (This seems also to be a trend..) Good times. Painful shoes. I don't really learn from the pain caused by my shoes, because I'll wear them again....
Must have sounded very drunk when B took me home. Was not. I realise I don't really hold any drink of any sort, but surely a few sips of champagne would not have done anything. I think I was just delirious in general. Probably not the best state though!

Woke up early Sunday morning (I seem to be losing sleep-ins on the weekends...unfair!). Was waiting on confirmation or not about competition times. Got a 'I'm doing it' from A more than half an hour in advance (yay!) so was whisked fairly quickly to Hawthorn.
Drama occurred when the adjudicator didn't show up. Just didn't. They tried to ring lots of people, who all said that they were unavailable. Fair enough, considering they wanted them to be in within the hour!
They eventually found one in Andrea Katz who happened to be there, accompanying a string player. What luck.
So, we played about half an hour to forty minutes after our scheduled time. It was at the very least, amusing.
Rushed home. Wasn't sure why....I should have just stayed in Hawthorn, because then I had to come back out an hour and a half later for J. I haven't been thinking logically much these past couple of weeks either. Or I alternate through phases of clarity and confusion. Go figure...

Then realised that the Macroeconomics assignment that was due the following week was actually really hard. Uh-Oh. I will not leave things to such late notice again!!! Admittedly, we did hand it in online with 17hrs to spare. I'm one of those people who will finish it the night before, even if I have to stay up. But in all honesty, I've only ever stayed up to about 2.30am at the latest finishing an assignment. Yes, I'll admit, I am a nerd. A goody-two-shoes. So sue me.
Anyway, that was after having several group meetings to discuss the problems. Oh, having friends in economics is good; it seems weird, because I wouldn't immediately think of having so many friends in commerce over music. But yes, we have a group of five. It's nice :)

Had a tute with H with Kairos Trio, which was really good. Very helpful. Very ambitious schedule, but I think that's just the pressure we need.
Scuttled around on Wednesday, which included going to Medley Hall to play for the pre-formal dinner musical item with H. That went well. And I figured out I knew about 10% fo the population at Medley. Admittedly though, that is really only six people. Still...

Thursday morning: really felt the pinch of 'about to die' syndrome. That one that is brought on by extreme stress, overwork, lack of sleep and sheer exhaustion. So I had to cancel something (shock horror!) which was kinda disappointing, because I had wanted to see II for a while, and that was the only night I could go. But oh well, something's got to give, and that was the thing I decided could be let go. Had some urgent things to take care of, so there were about 10 text messages that morning from about eight different people. I felt loved but so dependant on my phone that morning! Again, was picky in Concert Class. People must hate my comments....I write essays on a lot of people telling them why their performance wasn't as succesful as planned. Even though I know almost all of those things are criticisms of myself.
Had vla trio rehearsal, with new repertoire. Sounded not bad for the first time. Probably sounded better than us plugging away at Francaix. P said it sounded good. To which I said "Ask M how long we've had it for." M: "About one week."
Not a bad attempt....
Not going out to watch II was probably a good thing that night - it means that I got to actually sit down and finish this assignment in a timely manner. Plus, get to bed at a fairly decent hour. Handy that, and very muchly needed. I did however, go out for about an hour to do some filming. I was a replacement in the kid-and-dad scene for the Love Actually themed SepCon promo video. I kept forgetting lines. But about five takes later, we had the one we really liked.
'Could you guys sit closer together?'
'Mmm, yeah, we have issues about that. Intimacy issues.'
'That's why we're going on SepCon.'
'Oh I see. To create the intimacy issues. And then resolve them. I see.'
Muchos fun.

Busy Friday, trekked all over uni and Carlton! Was at uni for 8am. Was going to be at M's audition to 11.30. But then there was a mix-up, and one of the panel wasn't there, so we had to reschedule. You remember what I said about me putting things back to back, making it very difficult to reschedule? Prime example.
Anyway, managed to do so, had to be late to something else, but that wasn't a huge drama.
Trekked across campus for class. Back across campus for rescheduled audition.
Found out that I missed Bartok contrasts in the class that I skipped (I don't normally!!) to attend original audition time. Poo bum. Oh well. What can you do?
Trekked to Carlton gardens to meet J, J and K for picnic lunch, as it was J's birthday. Had a lovely time relaxing, though admittedly was a little stressed, because it was instead of our trio rehearsal, and our next tute is in two weeks' time. Eeek! (Remember, I'm also paranoid!)
Anyway, then trekked for some more filming for promo video. Tried very hard not to laugh. Even though it was all in Spanish, and I couldn't really understand it all. There were those words that stuck out, and knowing what it actually said was kinda hard.
Did it one take, we were that good :)
Trekked back to uni to meet J to write a speech for the following night (J's 21st party)
Had much fun doing it. Got to sign up for basement rooms (scoring brownie points with L for helping).
Trekked back across uni to meet S to head to Chinatown for dinner.
Had too many bags, but what can you do?
Scored more points than S for knowing more people out that night. Hehe.
Stopped into Connect. Probably not the best idea, even though it was very good. Got home much later than anticipated....about 10.30 or 11.
Common theme: housemate not awake when I leave house. Housemate sometimes in room before I get home. Therefore, Housemate and I don't even see each other. Wow. Really though, it works quite well, living-wise.
Had to re-write speech and what not. Took a while. Got to bed at 1am. Bad idea.

So, P: "Well, if you die, at least we'll learn from it."
I hope so.
Said in context, it made complete sense. Said almost flippantly, to the general public, it sounds so bad! But it's pretty funny.

Went shopping for J's present on Saturday morning/afternoon. Much fun picking it all out!
Drove to Bendigo to attend the 21st party. Muchos fun.
Anyway, I'm running out of steam right now....
perhaps we'll leave stories from that till another time.....