There's no such thing

However much I say to myself, "Next year will be not so (insert some expression of rest or self-pacing here)", I somehow find myself in all sorts of circumstances that only seem to be escalating in excitement and busy-ness.
I'm currently reading Stephen Fry's autobiography The Fry Chronicles and have just passed a bit where he talks about his inability to say no and how much of a workaholic he is. I have to admit that I was nodding away as I read:
"To this day I am often reminded by those about me that I don't have to say yes to everything and that there are such things as holidays. I don't believe them, of course, no matter how many times they assure me it is true." (The Fry Chronicles, by Stephen Fry. Penguin Group p321) 

I also realise that I probably have not cited this properly. So much for academic writing and five years at university....!

Having said that, I did really enjoy my summer holiday, when I managed to convince myself that it was okay to take a holiday and not feel guilty about it.

But this year is gearing up to be a big year. I find myself about to launch into full-time study again, in a very specific discipline - one that seems obvious to so many people around me, but in which the process is so foreign also to the many people around me. This is not to say that they don't care or don't take an interest but perhaps that it is largely misunderstood or is perceived in quite a different way to how I actually experience it. And unfortunately I can't describe it.

I keep thinking that I have something to prove. But those who know this world reassure me that I don't really. Not in the way that I keep thinking that what I do isn't good enough or that other people around me are just so much more amazing that I will have trouble keeping up. I'm constantly reminded that I'm there to learn as much as I can and to do what I do. And that if they didn't want me at all, they wouldn't have even given me a second look. So remind me this year, please - learn and absorb like a sponge. And if it gets to the other extreme, where I have a seriously inflated view of myself - please somebody, slap me around the head many times. I refuse to let that happen and may need some help keeping it in check.

It has been an enjoyable almost-month in this city. There are free summer events, and friends to catch up with. I have thankfully been able to enjoy both to some degree of success. So much has changed that sometimes it feels awkward to be doing all this stuff, and sometimes you just have to leave the circumstances out of your control. And sometimes it all works out for the better, and to pleasantly surprise us.

As discussed with various friends and most recently on Saturday evening, I really do consider myself an introvert. You may see a different view; I suspect you see it either because you are a close friend or you see me interacting with good friends. But for those people, I am very fortunate, blessed and thankful.

I realised last year that my rate of walking had significantly slowed in comparison to previous years. Maybe that was a deliberate result of a decision made at the end of 2009 to stop and smell the roses more in 2010. I still don't think I really know how many I sniffed, nor what they really smell like. I'm not sure if there's the opportunity to do that this year; I think most stuff will be flying at me in a whizz of colours and shapes that may or may not be identifiable. Things change. 2011 is surely going to be one of those. I urge you now to fasten your seatbelt if you're taking this journey with me!

For this rambling post of weird thoughts, I apologise. The next one may be more concrete. Key word there is 'may'. No guarantees.

It's a different life (also another old post that should've gone up a while ago)

And my holidays at home went *just like that*!
Highlights included:
summer reading
watching much TV (especially summer sport) on a new, very large, digital TV (so many channels!)
chilling out with the family
playing some games (especially Boggle, where I beat dad - I've never before beat dad!)
home-cooked food!
a very well-stocked fridge and pantry
not being worried about mice
everything being super-clean
going for walks
eating ice-cream (and also hearing the ice-cream truck around our street)
the very random discussions with family (eg. What meat/animal would you not eat? What do you like to order when you go out for a meal?)
sleeping
being able to borrow a very large amount of books from the music library owing to the fact that mum is a staff member at the uni :P
catching up with a couple of friends

And although I love being in Melbourne, and there are so many friends and wonderful things to do, I really also enjoy being at home. I love being able to relax and completely chill out. Being in the city compels me to be productive, to do something with my time, to fill my time with activities or work.

I had a very strange flight back though. It was delayed by a lot - thanks E for waiting for the longest time!! So patient...
And then there were two failed attempts at landing, because the plane was trying to land at the same time as the large southerly passing through the city. It was very bumpy...but at least I got some food on the plane. Yes, it is plane food, but it is exciting to get it after travelling lots on budget airlines where you have to pay for it separately.
And Qantas is now seriously cutting down on their staff: now not only do you check yourself in at the kiosk, you also print your baggage tags, and also affix them all yourself, and then bag drop by yourself! I was not particularly enthused...

There are boxes still in the living room, much to my disgust (at myself, that is). I felt unsettled for a few days, but am beginning to enjoy it more now that there is somebody else around!

All good things must come to an end, so I guess I should stop hoping that I will suddenly have the chance to have a big new TV in the lounge, that the pantry and fridge will be magically (!) restocked by my parents, that things will just be clean because mum works so hard to do it, or that the summer will last forever. My final year at university was spent wondering where the time had gone, and feeling unsettled about how the year had started without me, even in May and even in October. It's time to get a grip and get aboard the rollercoaster ride that will be 2011!

The curse of the TV (an old post that I thought maybe should go up)

For those of you that know me, or even if you don't, you may know (or suspect) that music takes up so much of my time, and always has. Probably at the detriment of sport. I've never been a sporty sort of person. I was always the last kid picked on school teams. Or maybe the second last, at best. While other kids spent Saturday mornings playing hockey or soccer or football, or there were netball trainings and matches after school and on the weekend (though I will admit that I did go to netball training for a little while, I think I might have even played a couple of times?!?!), I was busy having music lessons, or in high school, at rehearsals for choir or orchestra or band or something like that.

However, I will admit that I really quite enjoy watching a healthy dose of sport. That's emphasis on WATCHING, not participating in. Just after Christmas, we bought a new TV. It is big and fancy, and the definition is pretty extraordinary. Paritcularly after years of our trust analogue TV that wasn't quite wide enough when broadcasting moved to the wide screen format. At the moment, there is tennis. There was (and also still is?) some cricket. I used to think that cricket was the world's most boring thing - like watching grass grow. And somehow, after years of persistence, I have grown to enjoy it. So much that I have paid to go see it live.

My father and brother have always enjoyed soccer, so there's been a healthy dose of that too.
Come the Olympics or Commonwealth Games (or other similarly large sporting event), I usually tune in with great enthusiasm. I find myself reading the sports news (when I usually give it little more than a passing glance) to keep up with the latest results and happenings. When the Rugby (union) World Cup came to Australia (and that group with South Africa and England in it was in Perth) I avidly watched the matches.

So my point here is not to glorify sport, or otherwise. It is merely to point out any fallacy that may exist in thinking that this classical pianist (slash economist) only cares about the languishing state of the arts (another discussion and debate in itself) in this country. The attraction of such an incredible TV is overwhelming that every summer (and sometimes, winter) that I am at home is spent languidly enjoying hours on the couch looking at the screen.