Not so good at this thing

When I started this blog about nine years ago, it was with the intention of writing to keep friends and family at home up to date with what was going on with the happenings and supposed adventures of my life in a new city, and a new phase of life. Across the years, it's been a collection of stories, some photos, some thoughts and probably a lot of rambling. But people still seem to have mostly enjoyed reading it. And I realised that I hadn't written anything for quite a while. I feel perhaps I repeat myself constantly, as I catch up with various friends from different phases and places of life, while various family members ask what I'm doing now, as I send out my monthly newsletter to supporters of my musical career (or maybe they're just interested in how I'm keeping??). But here goes. Perhaps maybe without any sheen to worry about, no shiny publicity to be had, no keeping up appearances. It's on the web anyway...

So it appears that the last post was about the Australian federal election. You should hopefully know by now that I don't usually speak about these things too much publically. So much has happened since then.
I've finished being a student at ANAM, I've moved house, I've supposedly become (more) financially independent, I'm officially fully a freelance musician. Except that I am also a Fellow at ANAM. And because your next question might possibly be, "What does it mean to be an ANAM Fellow?" (or similar), I shall answer that. Fellowships at ANAM are granted to individuals or groups to undertake their own musical project of their own choosing, with educational goals (for themselves) and also contributing to the life of ANAM. We are not students at the Academy, which means we do not regularly participate in the programme (eg. orchestral projects, the regular classes etc) and also do not receive the generous tuition scholarship nor stipend associated with being a student there. My project this year is about collaborative piano; I am interested in the process of preparing large scale works for different instruments across the different instrument groups. This project is designed for me to learn some major works (primarily instrumental sonatas, which are more often than not, sonatas for piano and other instrument) - particularly ones that pose technical and musical challenges, playing with instruments across the different groups and learning how to do this (because a double bass is very different to a flute...) and also to learn more about music in general by learning not just as a pianist, but as a pianist in a role that supports, leads and makes music with other people. Also, it is a chance to form intense, deep relationships with the other instrumentalist and instrument, and repertoire. And hopefully with repeated performances, we learn more and more about the performances experience and the music. Does that make sense? I hope so; it's hard to qualify because it is so process-driven. The end product of playing the concert does not appear to be striking, as there are no threads of unifying, or interesting programming, but hopefully the performances are satisfying experiences for the audience and performers alike. If you're still curious, ask me, and I'd love to explain in more to you.

I also moved house, all ten or so blocks from my old house. This makes me more than super thankful for the one summer that I didn't have to move house. I always dread it, and I've done the equivalent of it far too many times, with many seemingly futile results (mostly because I was moving one corridor, or out and back into the same apartment....!!!). However, I have scored an even more excellent  location (if slightly noisy, which I've gotten used to - and if I could be even more convenient, given how excellent my previous location was!), a very fine housemate and a charming old house (read: is kinda awesome, but has so many odd quirks and awkwardness and problems of its own). However, it is going pretty well (except for when the ceiling decided to leak in several places last week), and my bathroom (yes, you read correctly, we have a bathroom each - just a bit luxurious!) probably wins the award for most awkward bathroom / most ingenious use of space. Or maybe both. Our stove needs the use of a knife to operate the (no longer existing) knobs for the gas, and trying to describe how to get to our house ("back street, this first alleyway, then you need to go up, but our doorbell doesn't work, so call me when you get here") is fairly difficult, but I've so far turned up mostly clean to everything and haven't passed out from starvation yet, so it must be okay!

Next week I shall embark on  my first solo holiday....to Europe...for the first time! Many people have looked at me incredulously as I tell them that I've never been to Europe. I know, I know, as a musician, haven't I gone on tour there before? Or been itching to go study there? Or already gone at some point, because after all, aren't I a classical musician? (Answers: No, yes then no, no. You're welcome.) I am very excited about this trip for so many reasons - in previous years I have had holidays, but this will be the first time in quite a while that I've had a pure holiday. Of course, there will be things to come back to and practise for, but I will think about that upon my return. Also, I'm excited about exploring these places that so many have talked about, and of all the pictures I've seen and dreamt about. Expect the usual cliched tourist snaps coming up on social media - I want my own! I am excited to see a few friends over there too, and looking forward to putting music, history and knowledge into context. I am most excited about visiting London, as it is a place I've been wanted to go for over ten years now; I'm worried about either of the following situations: i) that I have built it up so much in my mind that I'll be disappointed or ii) that I will love it so much that leaving it will be difficult and I'll plot some way of moving over there. I don't consider myself to be particularly Australian, but suspect that some Australian characteristics will become more apparent to me as I travel. Unfortunately the process of getting everything organised has been fairly marred, as there is only one business day left before I travel (because of the Easter long weekend) and I am still awaiting my tickets (all of them - flights and rail). Yes, I know most of them come as e-tickets now, but a rail pass still is a physical document; my travel agent has also not sent me any of the e-tickets (which I anticipate to come as the mail, platinum service - as requested yesterday...as the previous apparently got lost..!) nor confirmations, nor the items requested (for travel insurance purposes). It's a huge shamozzle. Unfortunately, my big thing about appreciating excellent customer service is that when I receive particularly poor customer service, they also hear about it. And wow, there's probably going to be a very direct and angry (yet insanely polite) letter at the end of my trip....

I am travelling much more than I anticipated this year. Apart from this maiden voyage to Europe, I have also already been to Sydney to do an ABC recording with an ensemble there, and have been invited back to play a concert with them, which should be fun. I have been to Sydney several times in the last number of years, but recent visits (I think three in the last five years or so?) have always been for work (which this was, obviously...but keep reading...) and haven't left me much, if any, time to catch up with friends, or gallivant and explore the city. So this time, I did, and it was lots of fun! I had not planned many things, which I think was a good step and introduction into letting go of some things (particularly with Europe coming up...) and it was a wonderful trip. I managed to catch up wtih a few friends, explore parts of the city, mostly successfully navigate my way around the public transport system (with a bit of help!) and take some touristy photos. Also, the sun was shining magnificently for almost all the days I was there, so it was beautiful. I shall return in June for another stint, and hopefully I might be less baffled by the city then! I will also be travelling to Rockhampton in Queensland in July to tutor at a festival for school children. The director of this programme is an exciting and lovely cellist whom I met last year at the Beijing festival we tutored at together. I am excited about this opportunity, and for the excitement value that festivals have. Plus, it'll be nice to escape part of the Melbourne winter. I will then be taking part in the Mietta Song Competition semi-finals (and who knows about the final?!) with a friend (after a mix-up about the results of the audition, or something happened, or oh well...point it, we're doing it). I must be pretty keen to escape Melbourne, as then I wil be heading to China during August for the month to take part in a tour, playing some two-pianos and orchestra repertoire! I think this will be tiring and full-on, but also very interesting!

So this year is already shaping up to be quite varied. I didn't expect maybe these sorts of things would crop up, but I'm really glad they have. There have been quite a few challenging things about this year so far. Firstly, the realisation that I am not largely financially supported by my institution is a large change; every gig is a potential source of income, and I don't really enjoy reducing music (at whatever level) to a financial means, but that is a large consideration of this year. I was having a conversation with a friend a few weeks ago, and I said that honestly, I sometimes did some jobs because they are easy money (by that, I mean that the work is not terribly difficult for me, and it pays well for what it is! Rather than necessarily being easy in other ways). Sometimes, I do some jobs because of the people involved in the project (nice people are always a good thing!). Sometimes, I do jobs because of the prospect of further work, or continued relationships. And I suppose all jobs are pretty much like that. Except that the company I represent is...myself. So everything is also personal, or a direct reflection of me, and my reputation. And in general, I'm pretty okay at separating what's personal from professional feedback/criticism and the like, but music, and the actual act of it, often tends to be highly personal and attached to a particular individual rather than their company. I'm also doing some teaching; my students are all young children, and mostly all beginners. It still freaks me out that somebody has deemed me responsible enough to teach their child about music and the piano. But as I keep being reminded by so many (including my students!), teaching is an excellent thing as I owe it to the next generation (of musicians) to educate them, it shows us what we really do know, and how to be able to explain things well. And it makes us sharper as performing musicians, because it questions why we do certain things. Also, I've learnt that stickers are excellent incentives. Even when the sticker itself is the only reward. Amazing.

I am still trying to figure out this freelance thing, with teaching, performing, working for others (individuals and groups), while trying to maintain practice. I'm also learning this year about how to make it work financially, and artistically. What pays the bills, which projects to pursue with great intent, which ones to invest large amounts of time and brainspace into. And also the fact that ANAM is a very privileged place to be, where the greater majority of financial burden is taken care of, and one is given the luxury to practise for large amounts of time. I'm finding that my time is limited (and must be), and am still learning about how to do things efficiently, and at what point one becomes satisfied given a limited amount of time (because it could always be better. For the rest of our lives.)

I've also found a new interest in cute dogs, as I have taken to adopting one at the home of a wonderfully generous couple I know. He is very naughty, but thankfully he is also very cute (which he uses to great advantage!). Incidentally, our neighbours have a dog as well, and its name is Pompom. True story.

So that's where it's at. As with every so often, I am pretty terrible with keeping in touch with old friends, but definitely do miss having them around lots. But everybody goes through seasons in life; the true friends will always be the ones you keep, and our circles will keep expanding, shifting and side-stepping as we go through life and its different circumstances.