when you know things aren't as they seem...

Like driving for an hour out of Bendigo to come across a sign that says "Bendigo". We were about 7kms away. How did it happen? It was foggy, we didn't see signs, we didn't turn off.
At the very least, it was amusing. Particularly as we drove through Bendigo main street, approching it from the other side.

Long days prevailed through two weeks. Although I've slowly been shifting my practice over to uni. Which has been nice. Except for the fact that you have to sign up the previous week. And that it only opens at 8am and closes at 6pm. Plus there's a two hour limit.

Should have studied more for macro mid-semester. Am pretty sure I failed it. Probably only the second piece of assessment I have ever failed (the first being a diagnostic grammar test. I got a 50, which I thought was not so bad for somebody who's never studied grammar. And yes, the pass mark was 60. High standards are probably good standards, by and large..)
Anyway, going to be a nerd and re-do it, for myself.
So that I learn from it.

The couple of things that I felt were right included SepCon. Affectionately renamed "SexCon", it was a weekend to talk about relationships and everything that they may or may not entail. It was good to hear all the teaching again, and presented in such an honest and candid manner. Not that we didn't really already know the things that were taught - they were clarified, and we were told why we should or shouldn't do these things, and all from a Biblical perspective. The community over the weekend was also fantastic - I appreciated knowing that everybody was more than willing to engage in a real conversation, and were welcoming and accepting. There is much to think about as a result of the weekend and it's taking up a lot of brainspace that would otherwise be devoted to work, but I think this is something to consider very carefully.

Had a great music week (by and large). I was nervous about playing my entire programme through for my teacher by memory for the first time after being away (and therefore not practicing) all weekend. But I was determined to do it, so I could track my progress and see what I needed to work on. And she said two things that made me feel much lighter:
i) "I wish all my students played like you after not practicing for a weekend!"
ii) "You're at a stage where you could be three weeks before your exam." And it's about two months until my exams. So long as I don't peak too early....
So as a result, I have put myself down to play my pieces in Concert Class, as well as in Piano Class (masterclasses). And I just have to psyche myself up for it!
And then on Monday I think I came to a realisation about what I want to do after my undergraduate degree.
I have said for the past little while that I think I want to go into Music (and leave the Commerce for a rainy day, I think...) and hopefully do some more study. Wasn't sure where, or what exactly, or how, but I was pretty sure I wanted to pursue chamber music quite extensively.
So when Piano Class rolled around that afternoon, the guest teacher was the associate head of the keyboard department of the Royal Northern College of Music.
Who took the class - I was quite tired initially but I started waking up to all the things she said, which were quite amazing. And then after the class, I wanted to ask her questions about RNCM's programmes. I was introduced to her by K, who said some nice things about me (although I'm not sure if I deserved them all...) and was told that RNCM is one of the best schools in the world for my desired area of study. And not that I believe in fate in the way that it is usually quite flippantly tossed around, but I can't see why it isn't some happy coincidence that I applied to RNCM for undergraduate, was accepted, but couldn't go (due to it being terribly expensive, with little funding for international undergraduate students, particularly from Australia), but instead ended up in Melbourne where my studies in music have been quite well nurtured, and some amazing opportunities presented. Including now meeting this woman who was able to tell me about this school that I really didn't have much idea about even when I applied.
So, I would see RNCM as a serious possibility, and not sure how that will work out. But we'll see. Just one of the ideas I've had recently.

Opposite to that has been some greater disillusionment with some other things of life recently. I suppose that's not completely surprising, I've been over it since 2006. It kinda goes through phases though. And this is one of those times it's definitely on the downswing, probably not the best time for it given that emotions often play a large part in my decisions, but such decisions probably shouldn't be swayed so much by emotions, in the whole scheme of things.

I've given myself six ways to put into practice some of the key things I learnt from the weekend. And told a few close friends to keep me accountable to them. I think they're definitely some things that should take up brain space as they're very important.

Been weirded out by myself and moodes recently, but I think that's just me, going through phases. Hopefully some things turn for the better. I'm trying so hard not to disappoint myself with some things.