
Ben, Anne, me (Black Pearl)

Christian, musician, economist, Organisational Freakism
Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand
next to the object you wish to view.
Always poo at work. Not only will you save money on toilet
paper, but you'll also be getting paid for it.
Weight watchers. Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at
a chocolate bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the
f**king thing in the first place, you fat b*stard.
Recreate the fun of a visit to a public swimming pool in
your home by filling the bath with cold water, adding two
bottles of bleach,then urinating into it, before
jumping in.
Anorexics. When your knees become fatter than your legs,
start eating cake again.
An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes
an inexpensive vibrator.
Olympic athletes. Disguise the fact that you've taken
steroids by running a bit slower.
Smokers. Save on matches and lighters, by simply lighting your
next fag from the butt of your last one.
Vegetarians coming to dinner? Simply serve them a nice bit
of steak or veal. Since they're always going on about how
tofu, Quorn, meat substitute etc 'tastes exactly like the
real thing', they won't know the difference.
Invited by vegetarians for dinner? Point out that since
you'd no doubtbe made aware of their special dietary
requirements, tell them aboutyours, and ask for a
nice steak.
High blood pressure sufferers. Simply cut yourself and
bleed for awhile, thus reducing the pressure in
your veins.
Heavy smokers. Don't throw away those filters from the end
of your cigarettes. Save them up and within a few years
you'll have enough to insulate your roof.
Hyundai drivers. Attach a lighted sparkler to the roof of
your car before starting a long journey. You drive the
things like dodgems anyway, so it may as well look
like one.
A mouse trap placed on top on of your alarm clock will
prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.
Girls. Don't worry about a nice dress for that important
first date. All he's interested in is seeing you naked.
Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl
makes the fishes' eyes bulge and cause them to swim in an
amusing manner.
A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty.
He said...no.
She asked him if he would want to be with her
forever...and he said no.
She then asked him if she were to leave would he cry,
and once again he replied with a no.
She had heard enough. As she walked away, tears streaming
down her
face the boy grabbed her arm and said...
You're not pretty you're beautiful.
I don't want to be with you forever, I NEED to be
with you forever.
And I wouldn't cry if you walked away...I'd die...
SO NOW I WILL SAY:
I like you because of who you are to me...A true friend.
And if I don't get this back I'll take the hint.
Tonight at midnight your true love will realize
they like you.
Something good will happen to you at 1:00-4:00 PM
tomorrow. It could be anywhere -- AOL, Yahoo, outside
of school, anywhere.
Get ready for the biggest shock of your life.
Please send to 15 people in 15 minutes.
Remember:
"A good friend will come bail you out of jail...."
But a true friend will be sitting next to you saying ..
"WE screwed up!"
Proud to be your Friend!
Make sure you read all the way down to the
last sentence, and don't skip ahead.
I've learned...that life is like a roll of toilet paper.
The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
I've learned...that we should be glad God doesn't give
us everything we ask for.
I've learned...that money doesn't buy class.
I've learned...that it's those small daily happenings
that make life so spectacular.
I've learned...that under everyone's hard shell is
someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
I've learned...that the Lord didn't do it all
in one day.
What makes me think I can?
I've learned...that to ignore the facts does not change
the facts.
I've learned.
I've learned...that the less time I have to work, the
more things I get done.
To all of you...make sure you read all the way down to
the last sentence.
It's National Friendship Week.
Show your friends how much you care.
Send this to everyone you consider a FRIEND, even if it
means sending
it back to the person who sent it to you.
If it comes back to you, then you'll know you have a
circle of friends.
HAPPY FRIENDSHIP WEEK TO YOU!!!!!!
YOU ARE MY FRIEND AND I am honored