It's been quite a year....

...but it's not quite over yet.
There is still another week and a bit of Opera Studio left, along with some performances of Hansel & Gretel, as well as a final concert.
There is Carols on Carlton, and MYO still to go.
And somehow, in the next four days I'm supposed to be moving out of my room.
They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I've always said this too. But at the moment, I'm not sure if I'm any stronger.
I've sometimes been told this year, "You look tired." I'm pretty sure this isn't a compliment; more of a general observation of truth and honesty. And they're right. I wonder if it's worrying, that it's so evident across my face.
I do sometimes try to put on another face; sometimes it's not that easy.
There are some people I'd happily bear my soul to. But sometimes the people that you're closest to are the people that you find it the hardest to tell.
I do reflect and am so thankful for the things that have happened this year, including making some fantastic friends, pushing the boundaries, being independant of so many things (however scary it is every time), and having some of the most amazing opportunities pretty much given to me, ready to take and see what happens.
Sure, they don't all turn out as hoped all the time, or even in the way one expects, but most of the time it's about the journey.
And of course, there are those things that I wish had never happened. But of course, I couldn't choose them.
I've been one of those people going for the 'no regrets' policy. I can't say that it's always been the case, to my disappointment. There are times I think I don't dive in head first, risky enough. Though I'm thankful for the friend this year who has encouraged me to take risks - I appreciate the thought and encouragement, even if I'm not most of the time. And surely my 'what ifs' are a result of that.
Maybe 2011 will be different.
I'm not even sure what 2011 will bring. I mean in terms of the main day-to-day things of my life. One thing that is certain is that I'm staying in Melbourne next year.
I decided, but then I really wasn't sure. And I umm-ed and ahh-ed for a while. But didn't know what else to do.
At that point in time, if the London job had come through I think I would have been secretly relieved as well as super-excited and scared. Even though two months notice really wouldn't have been enough. But that is not the case, and there is little point in what-if-fing over it.
They say that the only certain things in life are death and taxes but I'm holding on fast to hope, grace and faith.
Because if not, what else is there?