Almost mid-winter already?

So yeah, umm, I sometimes blog. This year, not very regularly, or with great frequency. But I haven't forgotten what it's like to put thoughts into words, even if fairly artificial on a screen. But the Thinker in me says that this is helpful for sifting through what's going on in my head, for processing and for evaluating (more on the Thinker stuff later). So this post is likely to be very long, to capture so many things in the last number of months.

So many changes have happened from last year to this year. In my last post, I alluded to changes, some which are not perceptible from day to day, but across time, become ever so apparent. I think given that it is now July, I am at a stage where I am able to comment on how things are morphed across time, after having had some time to be introduced, settle and find a comfy spot for.

I continue to be mostly happy about my living situation. Bar a couple of nights this year (cf. many nights in the last seven years, including several times a week frequently!) where there have been parties across the road or people in the street making a bit of a racket, it has been blissfully quiet. Okay, so when it's windy the shade sails rattle around, but I've gotten used to it mostly to the point where it doesn't bother me much any more. There have been a few nights where sleep was greatly desired, but they were mostly not a result of distractions, rather, many thoughts on my mind. It is a safe neighbourhood, and a pleasant place to live. I have really enjoyed living by myself - such freedom of independance, and being so decided on so many things purely of my own accord without having to factor in so many unknowns. I occasionally miss having people around me - when I start having all night text conversations, that's when you might know that I'm craving some human interaction! Or when I realise that speaking for the first time three hours after I wake up is the first time I've spoken all day! I have few regrets about moving here. I have been back in the inner north area a few times this year, and I do miss it terribly, for it is a place of great familiarity, the only place I knew for many years well! But it's sort of nostalgic to go back there, with some sort of sadness, but also with confirmation that I love the situation I'm in now, where it's not super-grungy (because I'll be the first to admit, I've never been a grungy person really!). A few weeks ago, I went to visit, and on the tram back to ANAM, I breathed a sigh of relief and memory when the tram crossed the bridge onto the southern side.....!!! I have had a few people (emphasis on few!) over. The only thing about living by yourself is that catering for more than one person becomes something of slightly greatly difficulty! It's perfectly fine to have completely unmatching things, and only a few of certain things, because it is unlikely that the need for more exists! However, larger groups of people call for more cohesion and multiple things! I only have two proper chairs, a lot of floor space (which friends kindly and generally take to with relaxed acceptance), and a little table. A quartet (actually!) of friends dropped around unexpectedly last week for a cup of tea quite late in the night, and a relaxed little while ensued with little fuss and great merriment. I also celebrated my birthday with a number of friends dropping around during the day (which was gloriously sunny!) for a BBQ lunch/cake and cup of tea into the early evening. Such a buzz of activity and happiness, which my humble and very blue abode seemed to manage quite well, with great help from many friends in the catering and cleaning up departments.

I have also had time and impetus to do more reading this year than I have had in the last seven years (bar the summer holidays)! This is something I have really enjoyed, as when I was much younger, I used to chew through books quickly, and our membership at three public libraries enjoyed a great work out! One of things about moving out of college was not having virtually unlimited internet and lots of things to watch at my disposal. I purposely opted for only a small amount of internet per month, so that I wouldn't become completely dependant on this technology - though, having a smartphone now makes me wonder what I didn't do with it before?!

ANAM continues well. It is scary to think that I am halfway through my proposed ANAM career. I feel like I've been there for a long time, like I've really found the place where I feel comfortable, but also that I have only just started and that there is so much still to be done! This year on paper looks far less hectic than last year - I guess having more pianists really helps, and so too does having a vision to have more time for students to practice and actually learn their instrument. However, of course, as with everybody that knows me, I have managed to remain frightfully busy, with big projects that have challenged and extended me. The programme I applied to for Banff received a healthy rejection, and for a moment I was disappointed, though I thought to myself, "Oh well, maybe I'll be able to have a holiday." Everybody that knows me knew that this was a laughing matter. I've also been asked to be in projects with friends that I could not turn down, for fear of not having enough fun or enough to do. How foolish and enthusiastic of me! Oh well, I'm still alive thus far! A few big external projects have also cropped up, including:
*A performance of Brahms' German Requiem, playing the two-piano reduction with the massed choir at the Intervaristy Choral Festival
*The semi-finals of the Mietta Singing Competition (a fairly large competition where both the singers and pianists compete for prizes. Not that I really care that much about competitions, but is a good chance to work on some great repertoire and present a recital!)
*and being invited by Piers Lane (the Artistic Director and amazing pianist) to go to the Australian Festival of Chamber Music at Townsville, to play in one of the concerts (with Goldner Quartet, Cathy McCorkhill and Max McBride), help play for Winterschool students, page-turn for the pianists, possibly receive some lessons and generally hang out as an artist.......
[this last one came about in the strangest of coincidences, which was really quite amazing. Ask me if you want the full story, it's quite cool..]

So, it's all a bit exciting and part of me hears my friends and teachers saying, "You deserve it!" which I somehow don't believe, but am still equally excited and surprised to be doing it all. I also have somehow found myself (by no serious will of my own, trust me!) in the second round of the ANAM Concerto Competition. Honestly, as I was saying to A (who kindly played the orchestra for me), "Oh, I just want to go in there and play some nice music, and the biggest tragedy is that only Bill, Tim and you will get to hear my cadenza!" (I had re-written a cadenza, adapted from one I wrote five years ago, which was based on Geza Anda's, and subsequently morphed into one with some influences from Beethoven, Brahms, and others. Seriously, I was so proud of it, and happiest mostly about this little bit of music that I helped to create.) And now, I'm in the second round where I actually have to learn the rest of my concerto. Oops! A few other things await me upon my return from Townsville, including the Poulenc Trio in a week celebrating Les Six, Open Day (one of the activities I'm involved in is a children's show), a performance at the Athenaem Club (I agreed mostly because I'm curious what it's like, rather than being smart and saying no because I don't really have the time haha), a few concerts with a friend back in Australia for a month, and my recital! So yes, life at ANAM continues at a cracking pace. I'm not sure how I haven't fallen over yet. Some days are inevitably not so good, nor productive, but in the end, it's something I love doing, and I mostly enjoy the madness that it is!

One interesting experience I had in May was to accompany three hopefuls for the MSO Principal Bassoon audition. Obviously such an audition is something I doubt I will have to undertake in my career. Colleagues and friends talk about auditions so much; I have done a few myself, but not of this sort. The sort where it's a big job, likely to attract the best from around the country (and further??), undertaken under strict conditions (such secrecy with not seeing who else is auditioning, the screens all the way through to the end, the option to have the panel know who you are, or not), and the drawn-out nature of the whole day. While the actual playing for the day is not heaps (as we have all done three hour rehearsals), I suspect it is mostly the psychological test that is the real killer. It is the anticipation of what might be asked, the waiting around, the uncertainly of so many things. What a day it was! Of the three people I played for, one of them was the last person in the final round (of which they did not appoint the job anyway....), and I saw this entire process through the course of the day. How fascinating! It was exhausting, not because of the amount of music I played (I think I played a grand total of about 300 bars!) but seriously, the waiting and the nerves and pressure of having one chance to impress enough people on the panel (behind the screen) to put one through to the next round. It's a tough gig, is all I have to say...!

Now, halfway through the year, I think is the point where the ANAM cohort has settled into itself better. At the beginning, people are keen to impress, perhaps already know others, or know of them, have some notions (or not!) and generally undergo some sort of dramatic changes in technique and approach. But now, everybody has settled into the routine, how it all works and what they need to do to make it happen. I've always known this since I did it, but playing in a chamber group is such an intense environment where you get to know others - working style, and personally - very quickly. I have found this to be true again of this year! At the beginning of the year, there was a distinct division (not in a bad way, but a noticeable "who's who") between first years and the returning students. Now, there is less so, and more of a blur. I have always found that the people I am closest to at a particular point in time are the people I see every day; I still have great friends outside my everyday happenings, but I know I get caught up in my current situation quite easily. These friends from this year I have found to be refreshing, encouraging and full of fun! How fortunate I am to be surrounded by these wonderful people! Honestly, I am so thankful for these friendships. There are a few where I think to myself, "How did I not meet this person until only recently??" and others which I never thought I might be at this level of depth with. But things happen for a reason, and here we are!

One of the exciting, yet flawed, projects I did this year, was to play in a piano trio that went up to Brisbane for the Crossbows Festival at the Queensland Conservatorium. The rehearsal and preparation process was intense, very focussed, at times difficult and frustrating, but also for me, a very steep learning curve in being able to lead, follow, be diplomatic, kind and hard-working! All in all, an enjoyable process. Unfortunately, the concert experience was not that enjoyable (apart from playing quite well, and being able to do it with two friends and go to Brisbane for the first time) due to a number of organisational mishaps. Apart from these things, the trip itself was enjoyable and a few days that broke up the usual routine of daily life, but doing something similar haha! Of the two friends I played with, one was somebody whom I have worked with before, and we both agree that we work well together. The other was somebody I had not worked with before, but found to be a steep learning curve and exciting discovery to be able to do so! I think this is one of the exciting challenges about somewhere like ANAM - you can request to play with certain people but sometimes the ad hoc ensembles teach you more about yourself and others. Because fo the intense nature of it all, I commented, "If we had not worked together, we would not have this sort of strong friendship even after six months of knowing each other." How music so easily exposes our personalities, strengths, flaws and character! I look forward to so many more projects that this year still has - I have to keep reminding myself that this time is really very short in the whole scheme of things, and that there is no better time to enjoy it!

The other large change of church-hunting has also progressed! After a couple of months of visiting all sorts of places, ranging from the traditional to the fairly progressive, I decided to stick at City on a Hill. I know I was looking for something a bit closer to my side of town - I did actually find a great church in Albert Park that was very welcoming and where I could have served happily, though when I started thinking about it, I wasn't sure I would be staying here (in this local area) for a long time, and for as long as I am in Melbourne, I know that the city itself is somewhere I consider central, and where I want to be not too far from. It's taking a little while to adjust to all the differences, but it helps that I am now in a Connect group - also helpful for getting to know people as it is a large church. They have been welcoming and thought-provoking. The teaching is good, I knew a few people there, and met some more that I didn't even remember went there! It's pretty vibrant, so I'll be there for a little while, I think, despite the football rivalry!

The only regrets I have from this year so far (though I generally like to have a 'no regrets' policy) is not having enough time for everything and everybody that I wish. I often think about old and good friends, whose friendship I do not value any less, but see less frequently. Our lives continue at their spiralling rate and I've found so far the only way to survive is to hang on! So, hanging on as I may, I find myself busy, absorbed in so many things and becoming nostalgic (maybe as best represented by blogging!).

So, these holidays have so far seen me have two days off - two glorious days of getting stuff tidied up, eating with friends, catching up with friends (not as much as hoped, but then again, there are so many people I would like to catch up with!), much laughing, MUCH eating, and some chamber music reading (which does NOT count as practice!), adventuring and baking adventures! A most delightful weekend. But now back into the work, as there is much to prepare for! I'm looking forward to the rest of the year.....