Bach

So today I played in my first ANAM lunchtime concert. I hadn't really expected to be doing it quite so soon in the year. And I had really hoped that it was in a format that I was far more comfortable with: chamber music. But alas, a couple of weeks ago my teacher asked if I could play at the previous Academy@1 concert. Thankfully, I had more time to prepare for my first lunchtime concert by it being....the following week. Haha.
I had hastily and shakily answered, "Well, I could pull out.....some...Bach....?" It was agreed. Bach it shall be. It has been a while since I studied this piece. If I remember correctly, I prepared it for my third year, first semester, exam. That was a while ago...

So began the process of re-learning, re-familiarising myself with f# minor, the voices, the hand shapes, the genius that is the intertwining of the voices. I took it into my lesson about a week and a half ago - the patched together version from several years' past and the more recent layers. In about two weeks, my teacher deconstructed it and added about fifteen more layers on top of it. Wow. I guess this goes to show that one never is completely done with Bach. The Well-Tempered Clavier is a testament to Bach's genius; it never fails to amaze me at how he wrote these pieces - all different characters, all expertly and finely crafted.

So, I had played this piece for several people - in my lesson, in piano class (twice..!), to various willing friends. Each time revealed something new, something different, another layer.

This morning, I had some time in the Hall to try it out there. There is something special about being in that Hall first thing in the morning, when the sun was shining through (admittedly, pretty much into my face...) and playing Bach as a way of waking up my senses (if the squishy tram ride and coffee weren't enough...) and mentally preparing for the day. A friend came to listen. My teacher also came in to have a listen. He suggested a few things to fine-tune in the next couple of hours before the performances: some voicing, some metronome work. But he was very encouraging and confident in my ability and work.

I will be the first to admit that I suffer from nervousness of a varying degree; varying depending on context. And I'll admit that I haven't really touched solo repertoire for about two years. Lunchtime concert, first up, Bach, solo. Things that all scare me. My teacher said to me just before I went on, "You love Bach. Enjoy it!" Good thinking. Share Bach with the audience! So out I went, nervous as anything, and ready to show the audience why I love Bach and to prove that I'm here at the Academy to be good!

While playing, I actively remember actively thinking about certain things I had written in my score. This is a good thing. Far too many performances fly by and I don't remember what I thought (except for "Don't stuff this bit up...." or "Ooh, wrong note...". Maybe that should be rephrased as 'So many performances fly by and I don't remember thinking many positive thoughts) and it happens and works because I've practiced enough for it to become an automatic thing. This is something I know I have to be far  more pro-active about. And to tell you the truth, I actually really quite enjoyed performing my Bach today. I enjoyed that it was completely up to me to show the audience how much I love it, and to keep them hanging onto every sound I was creating. I enjoyed being able to lead them through the complex textures of genius. And of course, it wasn't perfect. Show me a perfect performance (do they even exist?!) That's ok. I figure, once you've made a mistake, you can't go back and fix it (unless you're repeating, then you can give it a second shot! But not the case here.). What was the point of stressing over it? Better make something good happen now and into the future.

Some friends, both from Academy and outside, came along, which was greatly appreciated. It was a great affirmation of what I'm doing (is on a positive track!) and a great opportunity to perform in a different context to what most of my friends have seen and heard, and heard about. One friend remarked, "I think that's the first time I've seen you play solo since about (his) first year..."! There you go. I felt so humbled that the audience were appreciative enough for me to take a second, rather awkward and embarrassed, bow....!