very stretchy elastic

sorry to those around me who've had to endure my very elastic-like moods in the past two weeks.
it has stretched from ecstatically enthusiastic, to content, right to the other end of the scale, of severe mopiness (such as now), blah-ness and horrible illness-induced sadness.

i don't know what it is. but for some reason i've been missing lots of people quite a lot recently.
particularly home - it really hasn't ever happened since i moved here, but this semester seems to be quite bad. i suppose one reason is that getting sick makes you realise how much you just really want to be at home, getting TLC and just to be in your own bed, with somebody else pottering over you.

and while i love urinetown, it has been quite a lot of stress, i feel. perhaps i'm adding so much onto it. but conducting the whole show is a somewhat large task. and it's true, i guess people only look at the conductor when things go wrong...and i'm desperately hoping that stuff doesn't go wrong, or that it doesn't go wrong enough for me not to be able to fix it. i will be sad, and reminiscent (is that a word?!) but relieved when it's over.

i guess there's just been lots of pressure at the present moment...deadlines to adhere to, people waiting on my actions before they can do theirs. i've had to organise the sale of music ball tickets, which we're obviously hoping goes really well. i guess i'm so afriad of screwing up so often that i probably place a lot of pressure on myself to get it right. sometimes it pays off.

i went to see the JCH play last night. it was Oscar Wilde's "An Ideal Husband", which is just a beautiful play. we studied it in lit in yr 12, so that was nice. this version was very well done, i thought. by and large, i thought the casting was fantastic, and the acting was quite good, particularly the leads - i loved the desparation of robert chiltern, the morality of gertrude, mabel's obsessive (with goring) nature, goring's fabulous expressive face and comic timing, and mrs cheveley's evilness! i had actually wanted to see the friend who was playing mabel (along with the rest of the show), but also managed to find that the girl playing mrs cheveley was a girl i'd gone to school with, and hadn't seen in a long time! so that was nice :) i really enjoyed going to see this production. that made me smile a lot.

i sometimes wonder at this stage whether there is something medically wrong with me. i really hope not. i really have no reason. my friends have been wonderful - thank you so much guys, i love you heaps, and really appreciate your love, care and concern for me. thank you so much to everybody who's been asking how i am, and whether i'm getting better. thank you for your care. i've just had a few moments of weakness, all in my own privacy. and i guess that makes me feel even more alone sometimes.

i guess all i want to do at this moment is to go to church, spend time with my friends and family, and play music.