Uni 2006

thanx li! :P
What Our Lecturers REALLY Mean When They Say…

This essay needs some minor revision. = I never actually got around to reading this.
My office hours are by appointment only = I like to get out of here early.
Ten percent of your grade is based on class participation. = I'll be fudging your grades.
This won't be on the test. = Nap time!
Bring the text to class. = I don't have a clue how to lecture - we'll just kill time with group read-alongs.
I'm not fully up to speed on that. = I've got my head up my ass.
I don't have the latest department guidelines... = I've got my head up my ass.
Let's check with Dr. So-and-so on that before we proceed... = I've got my head up his/her ass.
Talk to the department secretary. = Piss off.
Talk to me in my office after class. = Get out of my face.
The tests will all be multiple-choice. = I take questions directly from the study guide, and have grad students do all my grading.
Don't come in late during my lecture. = I have the attention span of a fruit fly.
Save your questions until the end. = See above.
The final will be comprehensive. = I'll expect you to recapitulate in two hours everything I couldn't fully cover myself in 15 weeks.
Everyone will prepare in-class oral presentations. = This course is outside my specialty - I'll just bluff it and let you teach.
There are two Teaching Assistant’s available to help you. = I can't be bothered.
This year, I'll be scaling the grades. = I just passed tenure review.
Let's break up into quiet discussion groups. = I have a hangover.
Let's have class outdoors today! = I had beans for lunch.
You won't be able to sell the text back to the bookstore. = My contract wasn't picked up.
Please note the last day to withdraw. = The midterm's gonna suck.
The answer to #4 is "b", and just skip #17. = I only got around to making up the test last night.
The second list is optional reading. = I have a rich fantasy life.
I haven't had a chance to make up the syllabus for this course yet= The asshole department chair stuck me with teaching this course at the last possible minute.
Attendance is required and will be counted in your grade. = I'm so boring, no one would show up otherwise..
Read chapters 5 through 10. = I'm not coming in at all next week.
We'll have to cover this chapter quickly. = I screwed up on the lecture schedule.
Let's go over the exam. = Half of you failed.
It was in the textbook. = I pulled it out of my ass.
I'm postponing today's exam. = There's stuff on the exam I forgot to cover.
Don't write on the question sheet. = I'm so lazy I just use the same exams every semester

Have a great year at uni!