A little snippet of thought

Today we had a discussion in response to the 2012 Peggy Glanville-Hicks address given by Michael Kieran Harvey. (It can be found here) There were some interesting points made, some things to consider, and I brought up a few large questions and thoughts that may take many years to answer. However, one of them, why do I do music? is a question I ask myself quite regularly, and one that I am often asked by people I meet. And earlier in my life, I would probably have answered this question quite differently (mostly with a 'because I can, and because I'm alright at it') but have been challenged to question really why. And I think I've found myself being  more comfortable with my choices now. This is not to say it hasn't been a challenge and struggle at times. Many times, and still now, I struggle with the fact that music can be an entirely self-seeking and self-serving career choice, one that might not benefit anybody else in this world directly (let's put it this way, I'm not saving lives like a doctor, I know this), and how to serve this world and to live out my faith in my work.

I honestly believe I've been given a great gift. And I admit, I like it. It's quite nifty, it has lots of exciting things (well, I think it's exciting). And yes, sometimes it is a little too easy to think that I am where I am because of all my hard work. But circumstances, such as my present one, constantly remind me that this is not the case. Reminders that tell me some (many...) things are beyond my control. And yes, I'll admit that I love doing what I do - I love the social interaction, I love the working process, I love creating things, and I love the buzz of performing, presenting a concert, showing the world what I can do. But I know I seek affirmation, and for expectations to be met. Those of my friends, colleagues, teachers, and ultimately myself.
But what I truly also love is to be able to share my gift, and what I do, with other people. What would be the point of me holing myself up in a room for hours a day if nobody could experience the joy that this music also gives me? The performance is the culmination, but also only a small glimpse into the entire creative process that gives me excitement and joy.

But when I really think about it, as I had to once when having a very honest discussion with a friend about what things were important in my life, music - for all that it appears to be to those around me (close or not) - remains third on my list of important things, behind God and relationships with family and friends. How much more exciting must these two things be?! How much more effort and persistance must these take? How much greater the reward in life (and post this life on earth)? And the way I see it, ultimately my life must serve the most important thing in my life, and all the things below #1 must point upwards. In my approach to why, and how I care about, and spend my efforts.

And maybe for others that's not how it works for them. Which is maybe why I can't always reconcile my part in this world, or this industry. And maybe why I'll never understand.

But that's me. That's why.