A New Year

So, I know it's been about six and a bit weeks since the new year actually started. But even now it feels like it's still new. It's still dawning on me that this is a very new phase of my life. Although last year admittedly felt like one too - and I spent most of the year wondering how it could have progressed so much, yet I still didn't feel like I'd gotten off to a flying start.

But this year - this year is really a new beginning. I can officially say that I'm a university graduate. It strikes me that even though there are now many people who are, or who will be, this is also a great thing. Even two generations ago, not that many people had a university education. None of my grandparents did, I'll tell you that. And hearing some stories about my mum's side of the family really made me aware of that. I'm really quite excited to see my grandparents in May - they, along with my parents, as well as one aunt and uncle, will be coming to Melbourne. My brother says that my graduation is not the actual reason that they're coming, but rather, that my graduation is the catalyst for them coming to visit. True :) That's ok. It will be exciting, if a bit hectic as well! I won't have holidays at that time, so it'll have to be around School stuff. Plus, I've put in a pressing request for pineapple tarts :D Yum.

So, I have to wean myself off the phrase, "Oh, I'm a student" now. I've had that status for the last seventeen years. It's hard to shake it off after that long! And now I can say that I'm doing a sort of 'internship'. That's what School was described to me as, well, at least my role there. It's a pretty good description, actually! It was nice to get a clearer picture of how it was all going to work. Still some stuff remains to be seen, but hopefully it'll slot into place nicely.

When I was unpacking all my stuff, I did more of what I did at the end of last year when I was packing all my stuff - throwing stuff out! I was quite impressed with my efforts, considering that I know I'm a hoarder. And I've put some stuff in the 'give away' or 'take home' boxes so that I don't have to do that thing where every year I just put stuff in the cupboards and drawers, only for them to sit there for the rest of the year, only to be packed up again without having been used. However, I haven't really figured out a way of organising much of my music. I have a chamber music file, as well as another box of recently-used instrumental music. Organised by instruments (divided by colours, I kid you not!). Organisational Freakism? I suspect so. But all the vocal and choral music (and most of my piano music too!) remains in a great pile that consists of about two boxes. Disgusting, hey?! I plateaued in enthusiasm with the unpacking. Oops.

Also this year, it feels like there's already lots of changes. Without trying to point fingers (because I don't actually want to do that, nor feel that way), I feel like what I've known and gotten really comfortable with is undergoing a fairly intense seismic shift. (Does that even make sense? It does in my head, so I'm going to run with it!). It makes me a little unstable and unsure, but I'm pretty sure I'm big enough to deal with it. Just that it's a little hard to, but that's ok. For example, there is some great pleasure I'm finding in just having the freedom to go where I want, go to the bookshop at an obscure hour. It took me most of my childhood to like my name (sorry parents! I do like it now!), my hair, my size, most of me. That's probably something that one learns as they grow up. And now I'm also slowly getting used to who I am. And where I am at any point in time.

So I figured this year would be different. Not just because of circumstances. Although that may have a large impact on it all. I say it's going to be different every year, but I think these seismic shifts in all sorts of things in all sorts of directions will determine the differences, the differences from other years. I don't think I'll be any less busy. Perhaps equally so, or even more so, if that's even possible. But being able to say no to things I actually just can't manage. I'm determined this year to not let my health suffer as much as it has in the past five years! So, taking care of myself is high up there. As well as being able to know when too much is overcommitting to things that I know I will not be able to follow through on. And being deliberate about things. And getting to know people and things outside the circle that I've known for so long. That will be hard, but I'd like to give it a healthy shot.

It's also been nice to see my cousin a bit more in the past month. It's funny - growing up, I thought this one would be the one I got on the least well with. But that's the thing - growing up changes things. I always felt really dumb next to him; I still do. But now we toss ideas around. Mostly they're me nodding and saying 'uh-huh', but at least now I understand it. Vaguely.

And the funny thing about talking with him is that he suggested all sorts of ideas and things to read and check out. And after the most amazing semester (last semester) in the Economics department, I wonder what would have happened if I'd run with all that. Instead of dropping it all, as I seem to have done now. Not that I'd give any of it away. But what would have happened if I had been more selective. And actually considered the other possibilities. Because it was pretty clear to me by fourth year what I wanted to do. And those two finals years of uni really confirmed it. I think it's all a balancing act. But I don't know whether it's even possible to balance it out completely?

I suppose for the meantime, I keep reading about these other ideas. I pursue that stuff for interest and brain-tickling. Maybe when my hands fall off I'll get back into it more intensely. In any case, I'm glad that my other degree was useful for more than just the extra year at uni that gave me an amazing bunch of friends and experiences. It really pushed me to think about economics as more than just something I did in the commerce degree because it was interesting, but something that was actually interesting and something I enjoyed doing. There. I said it. What amazing teachers I had. I actually ran into one of them yesterday at Readings. Now, let me tell you, JB is actually a legend. Not only does this man teach one of the larger classes at university (Introductory Microeconomics; in my time, this had a total of about 1600 students in four lectures across one day, twice a week!), but he enjoys it - you can tell by the way he gets so excited about it. And he loves Australian Economic History. And cares so much for his students. Even in my first tute, he accepted the fact that I wanted to be a musician. And was genuinely interested. I casually asked him yesterday, 'Oh, so when are you heading off to Harvard?' He's taking up the position of Chair of Australian Studies there. I cannot impress to you how amazing this is.
And still he asked me how my performances went at the end of last year. What a legend.
And still, much can be said about my other lecturer. I was pretty 'lucky' in the entire class. Of about ten or eleven experiements in the course of one semester, I was paid about three times. And that's when there were about twenty students in the class. I won more times than is theoretically likely. And there were a few times I headed back with my lecturer to collect my payment, and we'd chat about all sorts of ideas under the sun. About interests, how things work, 'why' things. And I was stunned one day when he told me that he was quite (pleasantly) surprised that I was somebody who was obviously very passionate about the creativity side of me and was so sharply analytical. And that I was acutely critical in my presentation. And that I 'seriously under-rated' myself in giving a score for the presentation.
Which makes me think about the potential that teachers have. And the potential they see in their students, and how they can best encourage it.
And then I think whether I am leaving some sort of potential dormant? Or untapped? Unused? I know lots of people who would strongly encourage me in the creativity front. I appreciate that immensely. But I sometimes think that there are few people I'd share the other side of my brain with. The nerdy ideas side. Why is that? Is it because people don't really care about those? Or aren't interested in them? Or don't have those sorts of ideas? The nerdy ones? Or nerdy ones that don't really correlate with mine?

Anyway, that was a large leap away from much of the other events recounted previously. But back to the thoughts at hand - new year, new experiences, new adventures, new thoughts, new attitudes, new intentions, new circles, new triangles?