A Muso Life

2011: a reflection

2011-12-20T20:54:00.003+11:00

Concerts attended: 55
Concerts played in: 42
Bach Preludes and Fugues read through this year so far: 47
Trips out of Melbourne for concerts: 4
New friends made and experiences of ANAM 2011: priceless

What a year it's been. I never dreamt that this could happen, that I would be asked to audition and come to this institution. I never thought I'd get this amazing opportunity to study with the teacher I wanted to learn with. I never thought I'd have this much motivation to work so hard. I never thought I'd get through THIS much repertoire in one year (and let me tell you, the list is mighty long!). I didn't think that I could sustain that much playing without feeling some sort of physical pain. I never thought some of those people would be my friends, but ta-dah, look, they are! I never thought it'd come full circle in one year - chamber music finals, when it all started with chamber music camp 2010 and the competition a few months later.

But it did all happen. Somehow.

There have been so many highlights (with only a few blips on the radar) of the year. There have been some amazing artists, amazing teachers and people to inspire. There have been some extraordinary works to learn and perform. There have been so many revelations: technical, musical, personal. There have been wonderful colleagues who have encouraged, challenged and been so enjoyable and fun to work with.

It really is a unique place - I have heard so many guests come and say that they've never experienced any other institution quite like it. I'm pretty amazed that pianists are encouraged and even required to undertake lots of chamber music and sonata work with other musicians. I have discovered amazing musical collaborations with some of my colleagues this year and enjoyed getting to know them and their work very intensely in a short space of time. I still sometimes have to pinch myself to make sure this is reality, and that I'm well in it.

This is not to say it's always been easy. On the contrary. There have been times of craziness, where I wanted time to stand still, for it all to go away, to have a body double, as I wondered how I managed to get myself into so many things. Throw in the other stuff of having a part-time job, often-inconsiderate other residents and the stresses of normal life and it got a little bit out of hand. But all those around me were giving, generous, kind and encouraging.

And it's been busy, for sure. I had to make a list of dates with the repertoire for the second half of the year because I couldn't get my head around it, and couldn't figure out what to practice. My arms cradled a large pile of books that I apparently got lost behind. Just when I thought the pile would decrease, another thing would be added to it. Too often, I think, I said that I'd catch up with friends "when this is all over" but it never seemed to be over until the very end. But I'm one of those people that would like to have no regrets, so I also don't regret working hard this year and getting to know a bunch of other people. This is the journey of life, yes, where we meet different people at different times along the adventure? I only not regret being able to have 400% of time and energy and effort to maintain every relationship to the same degree as I would have liked.

I've learnt how to say 'no' a bit better this year, but it's still a work in progress. I've been given amazing opportunities this year and I've grabbed most of them and run far and fast. Maybe I should have been pickier and choosier about the battles and challenges I wanted to take on - a precedent has now been set! I hope I have the same sort of drive and passion through and beyond next year. I hope I continue to see things as great opportunities, despite it being a bit different, the vibe and personnel changing. 2011 has been a defining year indeed, and one that I'm thankful for.

The back end

2011-12-10T09:44:00.001+11:00

So my ANAM year has finished for 2011. I played my last concert for the year on Wednesday at the Hobart Town Hall, and tonight I will be going to the final concert at the MRC. I am feeling quite nostalgic about this group of students with whom I've travelled over the past eleven months, but there is so much other to report on, so let's get cracking on it...

Looking for houses
I decided over the last summer that this would be my last year at Queen's. I wasn't sure how I was going to manage what I knew (and probably didn't anticipate to the extent that it has been!) was going to be a busy year at ANAM and a job that required some weekly commitment and a fluctuating workload according to the season of things. Thus, we commenced our house hunt a number of months ago. K and I decided we would like to live together, and on some sort of chance-like conversation, we also found J and considered him a worthy housemate! First up, I knew from stories of others' experiences that house-hunting is not a particularly pleasant or enjoyable experience, but one that is necessary. I was prepared for that. I was not, however, prepared for what it actually involved. Such ignorance on my part! Where do people learn all these life skills if they're not formally taught or told what they have to do?! Thankfully the other two had their heads screwed on the right way around and were able to navigate the ins and outs of it all. However (to cut a very long story short), in our looking-arounds, J discovered that he had an increasing preference for north of the river, while I discovered an increasing preference for south of the river. My preferences are borne out of the fact that ANAM is in South Melbourne and that while this year has been great (for saving a small though significant amount of money, pursuing a job that looks great on my CV, being in close proximity to some friends, convenience factors, being able to be part of my church community locally), the travel through the city every day, which adds up to about an hour and a half all up, has been quite tiring and cumbersome. And I realise I'm crossing a great divide as I go southwards - it seems akin to crossing the river in Perth, which I will NEVER do..! (Now just watch me break that one..!) But it seems like the logical choice given that I spend most of my time at ANAM and travel time is something I would like to not have to factor in very much of. So over the course of looking online, going to a few inspections, applying for a house in Brunswick, we parted ways as other opportunities came up. I think we parted happily - we are all still friends (yay!) who are scattered a bit more than originally planned. Maybe it'll just mean that we can go to each other's places for dinner or something fun like that. So the big announcement is that I will be a resident in Albert Park next year. It is a studio apartment/granny flat thingy above the garage/workshop at the back of a house owned by a couple whose daughters have since moved out of home. It is a 10min walk from ANAM, in a really nice area (safe, nice people, close to all sorts of things) and I think it will work out well, at least for next year. The only thing that scares me a little is living by myself, but having talked to lots of people about it, the way I figure is that I spend so much time with other people (okay, bar the time alone in a practice room) and working in collaboration with them that the space by myself I think will be good to have - to recharge as an introvert. I am scared, and also looking forward to checking out the area, learning the new locality, finding new places to hang out and visit, going to a different market and the like.

And obviously associated with moving out of Queen's is the end of my job. I've had the role of Director of Music for two years and honestly, it looks pretty good on paper for a first job out of university. When I first took the role, people sounded impressed, but I honestly think that it has sounded better than it actually entails. Hopefully nothing I write will incriminate me here, but in (fairly) brief, I have found it difficult this year to run a concert series with what felt like little administrative help (from organising all the little details of each concert, to being on the door at concerts other than my own, where I had to call in favours from friends, to making sure that the room was clean and set up, often I would do the set-up myself). I've also found living at College this year quite difficult; I think I have found it quite difficult in previous years, but other factors have compelled me to stay. This year I was living facing inwards to the quadrangle, and endured quite a lot of noise - from the gym that would be in use and pumping out awful doof-doof for hours each night, to drunken shenanigans. Try to combine that with a rigorous schedule which would have hopefully seen me sleep between the hours of 11pm and 6.30pm in a regimented way (occasionally those times get skewed, in the direction of less sleep) and College works out to be a terrible place for such discipline. For the frustrations of running a concert series pretty much single-handedly, it has been quite a success, if I may say so myself. The Seraphim Trio concert drew a capacity crowd (with some help from the Development Office). The Beethoven concert I played with E was a great opportunity to play ANAM repertoire in a different setting, to prepare for other recitals, and to test what it'd feel like to play three big Beethoven sonatas back to back (hint: I didn't collapse but was very exhausted...)
Alas, the job is complete and I am hoping the girl that rang me and asked me questions for half an hour does get the job, and that I also have not misrepresented my experience - all the good, bad and ugly of it.

Schools concerts with Richard Gill
One of the annual projects at ANAM is community engagement. These are usually concerts presented to children at local primary schools. After Breath Week earlier in the year, where the ANAM choir was led by Richard Gill, I knew that I had to get myself into the project he was leading later in the year. I learned that if you ask and express interest with your own initiative, sometimes people are willing to consider you for things that they wouldn't have otherwise. So, I laneded myself in this particularly Community Engagement project. We had an introductory session where we talked about why it's important to teach music, what ways we can do it, and things like that. Just as a preface (which is obviously late..!), Richard Gill is a conductor and extraordinary music educator who has spend years tirelessly advocating for music education in schools. He is an inspiring man with so much energy and passion. We were to do two days (only in the morning) at Albert Park Primary School. There was some confusion about how it was all going to run (again cutting long story short) so it was decided that Richard would lead the sessions on the first day and we would see how we went and we could lead it on the second day. We had prepared some repertoire to introduce the children to music and to listening for certain things. Watching Richard interact with the children, and the questions that he asked and they way that he got them to listen and answer was incredible. One of his blanket rules is to demand that they listen, that the music demands their attention, and to expect that children will be intelligent and ask and answer questions the prove this. We did not feel as if we were going to do a job half as good as him the next day...! But we did get there. We probably weren't quite as enthusiastic, or quite as comfortable, but we still managed to do it. It was also pretty cool to see how the children reacted - to spot the ones who obviously had some musical training, the ones who were actively listening, the ones who moved to the music and things like that.

Then it started getting really busy (if it hadn't already been!). A few more projects were added to the pile: the Smalley horn trio (Australian Voices concert), chamber competition (two ensembles), Beethoven in Hobart. The Smalley horn trio is hard. Really cool, and really hard. We started work on it at least a month in advance because we knew it was going to be a challenge. The programme was curated by Ian Munro, the Australian pianist, who made two visits to ANAM in two weeks. I had a couple of lessons with him, which were great. So much to think about, so many ideas! He apologised that I had been allocated the trio, which is apparently far harder than the quintet he was playing. Oh well. I learned lots, worked my butt off for it, and it was an enjoyable experience. In the late projects of the year, I had been in groups that I had not really played with very much, or at all throughout the year. Ifound that lots of these were actually great collaborations, and am sad that wedidn't discover these much earlier in the year to foster these musicalrelationships (and friendships to boot!). It's a bit of a pity as some of thesepeople are leaving ANAM after this year! :(

My two ensembles somehow found ourselves in the Chamber Competition Final(of five ensembles); the final was about two weeks after the first round -uh-oh! We quickly have to learn the rest of the piece!!! Let me tell you,trying to put together a quartet and sextet with insanely busy people withother projects and classes and commitments is really difficult. The cellist inboth of these groups was also the same guy, so as we tried to fit in as manyrehearsals as possible to give us the winning edge, I found myself running fromrehearsal to rehearsal, often spending five hours before lunch with the sameperson. Talk about intense! Also switching from composers and styles so quicklyproves to be a challenging brain game as my role in each ensemble changes everso slightly. However busy this period was, it was a very steep learning curveon how to keep on top of things, to manage a bundle of demanding programmes atone time, to be efficient at doing stuff. I wouldn't ask for the workload formore than three or so weeks though - it's physically and mentally draining. Somany kind and well-meaning friends would express their concern at my workloadonly to be met with my reply of, "Well, it's gotta be done!". Sorryfor anything that may have come across as rude or unappreciative. The actualChamber Competition Final was an exciting night. Guaranteed to have a highstandard of playing (this is the final, right?!) and to be an evening of greatvariety and great indecisiveness, I think this night is one of the hightlightsof the whole year. Apart from the music and extensive preparation, there is theever-present question of what we were going to wear. For a big night, wedemanded big dresses....! D6 probably would have won an audience prize ofbest-dressed, as our clarinettist was playing with MSO earlier that night,where the dress code is tails and white tie. To make life much easier for him(not sure how?!), the male half of our sextet donned tails and white tie (theylooked so dapper!) and the girls found extravagant dresses to match. In mycase, this was the rare pulling-out of the year twelve ball dress, whichdoesn't fit quite as well, but makes a significant statement. We walked to outwhistles and great laughter, as we played the cheesiest piece of 'seriousmusic'. There were moments in the piece where I just felt we let go and let the music happen - it is such an incredible experience to be able to do this: to know your part so well, and to trust the other musicians so much. The talented quartet who played the Ligeti quartet won the competition, which was really exciting! I think something that has really struck me about ANAM this year is how supportive everybody is about everybody else; I feel that there hasn't been that streak of competitiveness that is associated with most high-level training, or even at universities and conservatoriums. There were certificates handed out to students who were finishing their time at ANAM, as well as a few more awards - the recipients were indeed worthy! A fine celebration at the pub followed an incredibly long day. What a relief for it to be over, but also a little sad, as I came to love the people I was playing with, enjoying spending such intense amounts of time with them, and working so decidedly towards something.

But, they say no rest for the wicked! The next morning, I was off to Hobart for another ANAM project. The Tasmanian Symphony Orchestra was having a Beethoven cycle, performing all of the symphonies across a period of a few weeks. As part of the festival, we (ANAM) were to present a total of four free lunchtime concerts of Beethoven's solo and chamber works. Each day featured one of the pianists and their associated artist/s. I was playing the second and the fourth concerts (one week apart - I flew down twice): Piano Sonata No. 17 in d minor 'Tempest' Op. 31 No. 2, the 7th violin sonata in c minor Op. 30 No. 2, the 5th cello sonata Op. 102 No. 2 and the 'Ghost' Trio Op. 70 No. 1 (heck, I hope all those opus numbers are correct!). Lots of Beethoven to round off my ANAM year - a tiny bit like how I opened it, and worked through it...
We were put up in the Old Woolstore Apartment Hotel, which is quite a nice hotel at one end of the CBD, and right across the road from the ABC/TSO studios. How handy! We were given a studio apartment EACH (Seriously, I'm a student. I sort of was expecting, and totally would have been fine, to share, but no!). I walked in to a large room and thought, "Is this all for ME?!?!" I was thankful to be staying for two nights! We wandered down to Salamanca for a quick lunch, then had a bit of rehearsal/practice time in the afternoon. We went again to Salamanca to Cargo's for dinner; it was a warm balmy night and so there were quite a few people out. Pizzas there are excellent, and there is much choice. We finished up with gelate in excellent delectable flavours. The next morning, I went to meet S for breakfast. She was in Hobart for the AISOI programme, which was cool, because we had actually (re-)met two years prior at the same programme when we were next-door neighbours at the student apartments. We struck up a friendship, played in a trio together the following year, and have since become great friends. It was lovely to see S again after a while. She is really good at keeping in touch, even though we don't see each other as regularly as we used to (maybe two times a week for rehearsals). I then wandered off after breakfast (and buying a delicious-looking lamington) to the Hobart Town Hall to have a brief rehearsal at the venue where I'd be performing the next day.

It is a lovely room, quite sizeable. The room is mostly light blue, with great decoration and detail. The stage is raked, which makes it quite trippy, considering that there is also a very lovely Steinway 9-foot piano on stage. I am one of those people that like things to be parallel and perpendicular and straight and this caused a bit of disconcern. However, it is a beautiful instrument to play. The Town Hall had also been filled with seating, about 300 or so chairs. When I first walked in, my immediate thought was, "We're never going to fill it! So many chairs!", probably based on the audience size that come to the lunchtime concerts at South Melbourne. However, when I arrived at about 12.45pm later to watch the first concert, the hall was already about half full, and taking a seat that I thought was going to be quite near the back (about three-quarters the way down), people kept streaming in. The first concert went really well, and it was delightful to hear such joyful Beethoven's music can be. A celebratory drink and lunch followed the concert before another rehearsal with K for our concert the next day. We went to Fish Frenzy that night for dinner, which was great - K and I had vowed to eat seafood while in Tasmania (because it is so good, and Tasmania is known to have great seafood and produce). The Fish Frenzy on the menu was a large portion of fish, calamari and scallops, accompanied by chips. What a feast! We rolled home after a good feed in preparation for our concert the next day. It went pretty well; the audience was bigger than the previous day (apparently the audience size kept growing. By the last concert, which I played in the following week, the hall was full and there were people sitting in the little seats down the sides in the bays.) However, all I could think while playing was, "Oh no, that's going on record!" The concerts were recorded by the ABC in Hobart and will be aired in the period between Christmas and New Year. I am hoping that they also recorded some of my rehearsal and can edit!! A celebratory lunch and drink again and then it was to the airport to fly back to Melbourne. A delay prolonged our trip home after a really long day, but it was nice to know that we would be coming back to Hobart within the week!

With only one concert left, I was pretty excited. There have been very few times this year where I have only had to work on one programme - usually my time must be divided between practicing my own repertoire, chamber repertoire, having rehearsals for several groups and having lessons and tutorials on various things. With only one cello sonata and trio to go, my workload was very well set out. The sonata I have played a bit this year, and it's nice to have played it now three times in the year, also having it be a re-visit from several years ago. The trio I also learnt last year, but obviously playing it with different people makes it a different experience. However, familiarity is always nice. My second visit to Hobart was again enjoyable, perhaps a little more so as my travelling companions were people I knew much better. The member of faculty was also excited about dining with us, and really enjoyed the experience of relaxing, eating and drinking and listening to music! Incidentally, also staying at the same hotel that week was the Australian test cricket team. I tried not to stare in two days as various assumably famous people wandered in and out! We grabbed lunch on the pier, at the old Jam Factory. We also finished up with ice-cream on the perfectly beautiful sunny day, and then headed off to rehearse. A productive rehearsal later (albeit with some weird balance issues because the studio we were in was not ideal, nor did it replicate the hall in any way) we went back to the hotel to rest and do whatever. I watched TV for about two hours. Amazing.
We then wandered down to Salamanca to eat dinner at a lovely Italian restaurant which was very busy, but totally worth the wait. H ordered drinks and entrees, which is always a wise idea because he knows his food and drink. Excellent choices! The majority of our table enjoyed the spaghetti marinara, with excellent seafood (this is half the reason to go to Hobart - to enjoy the food!!). A fine evening to remember.

Our concert the next day went well. As I mentioned before, the hall was packed. A couple of friends unfortunately couldn't make it, but others did, so it was lovely to see some familiar faces in te very large audience. We played quite well, even though again, some part of my brain was focussed on the fact that ABC was recording our concert. Lunch and drinks at Fish Frenzy (again) by the pier - champagne at 3 o'clock in the afternoon - to mark our final ANAM performance for 2011 was a perfect celebration. Such relief at the end of a busy year called for extreme happiness for the rest of the day (spotted with tiredness!) and a well-earned sleep in the next day. What an adventure.

To follow in the next post: final musings and reflections on the year....

I take it all back - part A

2011-11-07T22:28:00.000+11:00

You know that thing I said in my last long post about the second half of the year being disproportionate in terms of performances? I take it back. I should know better than to think I would be not so busy. I was talking to an old friend today and she asked how everything was, and I replied, "Oh you know, busy as ever." To which she responded in mock shock, "Gladys? Busy?! Never!! What have you done with yourself?!" So yes, I should know better. Me, of all people, should have expected this!

So this post will recount several exciting adventures since 10 October:

The Recital
The recital. The big event (or not?) of the ANAM year for each student. Each student is required to present a 50min (or so) public recital which makes up part of the ongoing measure of progress. We have free reign over the programme - it is completely free choice. At university, one usually tries to pick a programme that best demonstrates capacity to cross a range of styles and technical demands. While that is nice and all, we are at liberty to pick a programme here that may have thematic links, may include ensemble pieces, and/or just be stuff that we'd like to play. Such freedom! (With great freedom comes great difficulty in decision-making.) The recital is presented to the public (so it means the usual enthusiastic crowd, and as many friends and family you can muster together) and there is a panel consisting of your teacher (or other instrument specialist) and another who sits on all the recitals for this year (this year it is the flute teacher). We don't receive grades or numbers as such, but we do get comments, and a indication along a scale from Not Satisfactory - Exceptional. It is nice in many ways to not have any grades, as we are not studying for any degrees or qualifications, but instead are setting particular goals about artistic achievements and are refining our craft by doing and getting practice at doing. So even though I had this amazing breadth of choice about what I wanted to play, I somehow ended up with a full 50min recital of solo repertoire. Don't ask me how it happened - it just kinda did and look, I found myself with no ensembles in my recital! I suppose that meant that I could prepare at exactly my own pace. The programme was as such:
Bach: Four Duets BWV 802-805
Beethoven: Piano Sonata No. 17 in d minor Op. 31 No. 2 'Tempest'
Rachmaninoff: Variations on a Theme of Corelli
I only realised much later after I had decided on my programme that the key structure was quite extraordinary and the progression of pieces was really organic. The four duets progress as such: e minor, F Major, G Major, a minor. The Beethoven is in d minor, but opens with an A Major chord in 1st inversion. The piece ends quietly with a d minor arpeggio downwards. The Rachmaninoff opens with the La Folia theme in a plaintive way in d minor.
It was extraordinary and totally unplanned!
I had done several runs of my programme for various very kind and willing friends. However much one prepares for things like this, I think I am still at that point where there are still some things that you can never anticipate, or plan for, or that you will react in very different ways than anticipated, or that you might never feel 100% ready. My mum had flown in that weekend just to see my recital (and okay, I suppose, hang out a bit with me, which we did) and several friends had told me that they would be coming to my recital. I supposed that I had better practice if all these people were coming to see me play!
One of the biggest things I had anticipated but didn't realise the extent was just how exhausting it would be to play an hour's worth of recital. I knew it was tiring - it is a big programme and it is all very intense music requiring much concentration, particularly if some of it was from memory! Adrenalin obviously kicks in, but one usually can't practice the adrenalin, only ever anticipate the theoretical effects or remember the experience of what it feels like. Through the recital, there were times where it felt like I could conquer the world (okay, not really. Maybe just the music and the hall) - what energy! And that people were sitting anticipatedly in silence to hear ME play....crazy!! Straight afterwards, as I was pushed out onto the stage to take a couple more bows, and through the lovely big hugs from friends, I found it difficult to stand upright on my two feet, let alone smile, due to utter exhaustion. So much adrenalin pumping through...!
Upon receiving my feedback, the comments were fair and very complimentary. I took the rest of that day off (rebellious!! The rest of the afternoon AND the night!!! AND I only went in for 10am the next day..!!!) and enjoyed hanging out with mum, a family friend, and some cousins.

So all sarcasm about taking a 'holiday' straight after my recital aside, there was actually still much to prepare for. I was playing in a friend's recital two days after mine - Beethoven's first violin sonata. This is a piece we had worked together on earlier in the year, and thankfully I had played it about a month before the recital (albeit with a different violinist). It was lovely to re-visit a piece we had worked on a while ago, when we were both still pretty fresh. It was so obvious that we had grown so much in five months. Also it is a piece that I only started studying this year, so it technically bears only ideas from this year, which I felt have changed greatly (in a positive way, to do with technique, ways of thinking about music) in the course of studying at the Academy.

Port Fairy & Team Awesome (PFE)
The other project soon after my recital was the Port Fairy Spring Music Festival. Directed by Anna Goldsworthy, this Festival has been running for just over twenty years (Anna not directing all of those..!). This year, a quintet of us from ANAM were invited to be part of the festival. Our quintet was a dymanic bunch of people, including our esteemed Artistic Director, Paul Dean, who is a lot of fun to play in an ensemble with, and excellent fun on a roadtrip, as I discovered. We were to play two concerts on the one day: Stuart Greenbaum's 'All the Ways of Leaving', which is incidental music to a Nick Earls short story (which was narrated by Michael Moore at Port Fairy), and a concert later in the day entitled 'Converging Spheres' featuring a work by Paul Dean of the same title, another of his pieces 'Abyss' for the quintet and violin, as well as the Beethoven Quintet for Piano and Winds in E Flat Major Op. 16 (a mainstay of my repertoire now!). We also played in a Saturday late night caberet show of fun acts. We had a powerful hire car in the oh-so-sexy black and took off on our way towards Geelong. I had never been very far west of Melbourne down the coast, no further than Geelong in fact. It was a great car ride, with the tunes pumping loudly, a bucketload of snacks (we prepared well) and good laughs to be had on the way. I was in the passenger seat, which of course means various duties: ensuring the driver has enough fuel (food-wise), holding things, reading signs, reading the map and directing once we got into town, experimenting with the music choice, among other things.

The journey took just over four hours, including the lunch break in Camperdown. It really is very different scenery on that journey. I often don't think of Australia having breath-taking scenery, apart from great beaches and desert, but one remembers that Australia is a land of great natural beauty of some much variety, even in Victoria. As we neared Warnambool, one can look out and see ocean!! This was particularly exciting as it reminded me a lot of home - we live near the beach (although we rarely go!) and it's a bit like driving down the coast. It is so beautiful, but I had always taken it for granted. I moved to Melbourne and don't really see any great beaches around. I have been to a few beaches out the other way of Melbourne but this was a bit exciting! As we rolled in to Port Fairy, I definitely got the small town vibe. It was wonderful! Crossing over the river and looking back, it looks a bit like what (apparently) Boston looks a bit like (I've never been, but I can imagine it!). The river, with many boats tied up, and houses right on the river - many older style buildings, some obviously renovated with floor to ceiling glass windows to drink in the magnificent view. Our accommodation was in self-catered apartments a mere three minute walk from the beach. They were comfortably furnished and a nice home-away-from-home for the weekend. One thing I love about going on such trips is that the sheets are always (okay, mostly!) white and crisp, and tucked in very tightly. Something I do NOT do! We had a rehearsal at the Drill Hall in town, which is attached to a restaurant/bar now - a magnificent piece of architecture that links the old and new with clever use of glass. Kawai was a sponsor of the festival, so all the pianos were fairly new and really very nice to play on - the Shigeru Kawais, which are their top range, I think. We then had the rest of the afternoon off to do whatever we liked. So we retired back to our apartments, and then went to the oval just down the road, which is actually the home of the Port Fairy Seagulls, the local football club. We had a kick of the football and threw the frisbee around. By 'we' I am loosely suggesting that I partook in such physical activity; in reality, my involvement was admittedly quite minimal given that I am fairly uncoordinated at any sporting activity. We then went for a wander to the beach (!!!) and then into town: we ambled along the river, crossing the bridge and walking along the pier. We spotted some funny looking birds, and admired the boats, some bearing funny names, some obviously recreational, to the last, which appeared to be a sizeable fishing vessel. We wandered along the streets of Port Fairy; I admired the quaint architecture of many buildlings along Norfolk Pine-lined streets. There is much charm about the town.

The artists of the festival were invited to drop in for dinners (early to late!) at a house that the festival rents every year to provide hospitality. We decided after our non-extrenuous walk, we would go for a home-cooked feed. We were met by a few musicians/culinary experts, and their friends, also chefs extraordinaire (as we were to find out!). We were greeted with such a warm welcome and were fed extremely well and richly. One of the people who were helping to cater for hungry tummies over the weekend was my former piano teacher, who had also brought her two children along. It was fantastic to meet them, as her eldest (daughter) was born while I was learning with her, and her son was born just after I stopped learned with her. I had actually seen part of their growth, which was a beautiful to see in front of me! Over two nights I managed to hang out a bit with them, watching some of their movie, and getting to know them a bit. By the second night, her daughter felt well and truly comfortable to crawl into my lap and stayed cuddled as we watched the movie. How beautiful children are! We headed home on foot (which was up the road) and I remembered that the city is full of light pollution - it really was very dark along this street!

The next morning was an early start with a rehearsal at 8.45am in our venue. The rehearsal only could go for about an hour because there was another concert at 10am in the same venue. Such is the schedule of festival: there are often so many concerts happening simultaneously, and many are back to back as well. We went to another venue for a 10am performance of Paul's piece, then immediately jumped across to another venue (where Paul was supposed to also be having a 'concert conversation' at the same time!). We were left to our devices for about forty minutes, where we wandered about town a little bit, including a foray into the lolly shop. This actually was child in a lolly shop - amazing! One of those old school stores where there were all sorts of wonderful boiled lollies, sour lollies, chocolates of all imaginations, sherbert delights, flavours of all sorts! It was quite difficult to not spend all our money there, and we walked out with big grins on our faces and decidedly excited about consuming said treats.Our concerts went really well, although it seemed to be a long day, with a rehearsal squished in-between our two concerts! We managed to fit in lunch at a fantastic cafe (Rebecca's. It is good. Seriously good. Go there.) and bumped into many audience members at this time, and later in the afternoon. Some of them even stopped us on the street. Most of them wanted to tell us how much they enjoyed our concerts. It was pretty funny feeling like a minor celebrity, even though we were such small names (or more like, no names!) in the whole scheme of the artist line-up. Apparently one audience member declared the second concert we did to be the best concert of the whole festival! Quite a declaration given the line up of the festival! After our concerts, we were able to scoff our faces with our fine purchases from the lolly shop, and to wander about town a little more. It was definitely a day for ice-cream, so we went to a fine ice-creamery and enjoyed even more culinary delights.

So I seem to have made out that all we did in Port Fairy was play some music, eat LOTS of food (most of it extremely fine. Actually all of it, bar the roadtrip snacks) and wander around, enjoying fresh air, the slower pace of a small town, not having to do other stuff and to enjoy hanging out and a weekend away. I certainly expected those things, and am glad to report that my expectations were met. We had another rehearsal in the evening (after a cheeky drink at the bar) for the evening caberet-style concert that was to happen at about 10pm that night. This show was hosted by Tim Ferguson (whom I admit we did a search for on Google to find out about him...!) who turned out to be a funny, quick-witted man. It was a very entertaining show for all involved. A late night at the bar with old and new friend ensued, and was enjoyed, particularly with the prospect of a lazy Sunday for us (not so for PD who had a rehearsal and then a concert of Messien's Quartet for the End of Time!). We slept in - I was under strict orders that I could not get out of bed before 9am (even if I was awake before then); this was not so hard to manage, though a little part of me really wanted to get out of bed! A quick pack-up preceded a walk into town where we had decided to return to Rebecca's to enjoy a big cooked breakfast. So, country servings....are LARGE! A wonderfully slow relaxed morning of great food and fun friends was followed by some more wandering. I had seen a sign for a school fete, and suggested we go. On our way, we stopped by a fun store where a guy was selling kites, and other fun games like the diablo, juggling balls, those mind trick games and other fun stuff. We stood for a while outside his shop playing with things and learning how to make them work and figure them out. We continued along to the school to check out the fete (what else did we have to do?) and wandered around. The boys 'played' guinea pig racing (this is the most obscure and random thing I have seen in a while!), we observed fun fair things like a massive blow-up slide, the hot dog (and other hot fried foods) stand that we felt ill about smelling after our deliciously large breakfasts, the various tidbits for sale, gift hampers, and a large selection of cakes and other delectable looking baked goods, and the jams and things people had made (yes, country school fete feel. Amazing!). Some beautiful dogs lined a footpath on our walk back into town (all 10mins of it..!) and we headed off to the Cafe des Artistes for one last feed before we embarked on our roadtrip home.

As the carload found out that I had never been past Geelong on the western side, and therefore never been along the Great Ocean Road, we decided that our roadtrip home would go via part of this scenic route. I had asked our accommodation owners for a suggested route that might add only a couple of hours on to our journey. He suggested that we take the turnoff from Warnambool and join the G.O.R. from there, where we would pass several look out points, including London Bridge (scene of accident several years ago where erosion finally proved its point and some people were left stranded on this outcrop), and the Twelve Apostles (of which there are only four left). It was a fantastic day for driving - sunny, a little bit windy, just beautiful. But windy at the coast means a pretty wild gust; I felt like I was going to be blown away with all the other tourists! We took our obligatory tourist shots (of course!), and marvelled at the scenery, commenting on how scary it would have been to be one of those people stranded at London Bridge, and admiring nature. Our car ride home was entertaining, quite ludicrous and sugar-filled. Coming back into the city, I felt somewhat anxious about having to go back to the real world of deadlines and the fast pace of life. What a great weekend of music-making with such fun people and fun memories!

It's been a bit busy..

2011-11-02T21:06:00.002+11:00

Today I sent off two invoices, played for a friend's audition, ran into a friend on the tram, made it to a trio rehearsal, had another rehearsal straight after, went to class, did a photo shoot and jumped around lots, ate 1.5 doughnuts, stood around for 30mins, had a 1.5hr piano lesson, practiced for 1.5hrs, ran into another friend on the tram trip home and ate College Christmas dinner. Somebody didn't warn me that life was going to be a bit difficult sometimes!

So much has happened since the last post, but such stories shall have to wait for a while. Sorry readers, the day described above is admittedly extreme and quite unusual, but the average week has had days that are about half that, which is still a lot. I'll get there. Highlights to come include:

the recital experience

Port Fairy and Team Awesome (including the roadtrip)

looking for houses

the wrap up of my job (almost)

schools concerts with Richard Gill

A strange week

2011-10-10T22:13:00.000+11:00

Last week was one of the strangest in a while. A week full of highs and lows.
Term 3 finally came to a close. On the long list of concerts for the rest of the year created during the middle of July, the list numbered about twenty concerts in the next five months. Yes, that is an average of one a week. By the end of term three, about fifteen of them had been done. Disproportionate much?! It's been a busy few months, though mostly very good. And don't worry, I've managed to keep well out of trouble too!

The start of the holidays was marked by weddings. A couple of friends got married (separate weddings..), one at which I played at. I was a little nervous about this one, as it was only a three-piece band who hadn't played together on those instruments in a long time. But it all came together, which was wonderful. Another friend got married that morning elsewhere, but obviously attendance at one precluded me from attending the other. Facebook also told me that a couple of other friends also got married that weekend! Must have been a particularly great weekend to get married.

The Breakfast Club convened on Sunday morning at Chez Dre in South Melbourne, a new favourite place of mine. The Breakfast Club was formed at the beginning of this year over a conversation about how a friend and I love eating breakfast food and our decision to catch up and eat breakfast together. We meet probably about once every six to eight weeks. Most of us see each other at least intermittently, if not more regularly, but it is nice to have time to just sit and enjoy eating and catching up.

The start of the ANAM holidays signalled two weeks of hard work for me - a recital on the first day back was looming! A public masterclass with Angela Hewitt kicked off the holidays. It was held at Melbourne Uni, in Melba Hall, and heck, walking in there was pretty strange. Playing in there was even stranger! It was wierd after spending five years in there, being ready to leave, and then having to go back to something so familiar, and something to foreign, all at the same time! I played the Bach Four Duets for her, a piece I've been working on all year. And don't say Bach is easy. It's probably the most difficult thing to play! One is so exposed, and there are so many intricacies. Even those appear to be easy on the page, each piece being three pages long and 'only' two voices, the harmonies are complex - chromatic, and at times, dissonant. They are similar on concept to the Two-Part Inventions, but much more complex. If one takes a wrong turn, they might end up cutting out half of the piece, or going back to the beginning, making the whole process very arduous! These are pieces that one sits with for a long time, to process everything, to find different ways to do things, to come back to how one originally played them, with a whole journey behind them. Angela Hewitt had great feedback, lots of ideas and demonstrated how she plays the pieces; it was so obvious that she has such an affinity and love for Bach. What was more interesting for me, however, was that many of her ideas were very different, opposite in fact, to Nikolai Demidenko's ideas. Interesting. What to do?! I'm one of those people will absorb all the ideas and suggestions like a sponge, and then process them all, and figure out which ones I will take, which ones I discard. In the end, I had to decide how I wanted to play them, right? It's no use sounding like a mashed-up combination of many very different ideas and not to sound like me, is it?

The following night, I unfortunately missed Stephen Hough's concert (as well as Saturday night, which was a real pity - I was planning to go, but another opportunity presented itself. More about that later.). I won some tickets to see a screening of The National Theatre's "One Man, Two Guvnors". If you get the chance to see it (though limited screenings), you definitely should. It's based on the play 'Servant of Two Masters' (I think, or something that sounds very similar to that). Think British comedy with some over-the-top stereotypes. Fabulous acting, fantastic physical comedy and some really cool interaction with the audience too! It was an utterly hilarious evening with some great company.

On Wednesday night I went to see Matthias Goerne (baritone) and Eric Schneider (piano) perform Schubert's Die Winterreise. It was probably one of the most moving concerts I've been to. It was absolutely incredible. From both performers were so many extraordinary colours, such moving music. Truly extraodinary. It was also a highly appropriate day for it, as outside the weather had turned very wintery. In preparation for recitals, a couple of us piano students stayed late to practice the following night. During the week, the Melbourne International Festival of Brass had commandeered ANAM and there were very many concerts going on. That night was a concert presented by the Australian Brass Quintet, and our teacher was to be playing Gershwin's Rhapsody in Blue in a new arrangement for piano and brass quintet. We watched that little bit and watched our teacher totally nail his part, though at times it was a struggle to hear him above the brass resounding for a very long time in the bathroom that is the Hall!

On Friday I had coffee with a school friend that I really haven't seen in almost seven years! She has just moved to Melbourne. It was great to catch up after all this time, reminisce a little, and see what was going on. I've said it several times, but it struck me again, that school was really good - we had plenty of opportunities but now is a different stage in life where things are different. I really enjoyed school while it lasted, and I was sad to leave, but growing up means things change for the better and worse. It is an interesting thought, is it not?

I managed to avoid the city for most of the Saturday, which was Grand Final Day. I have friends who are hardcore supporters of both teams that were in the final - I knew I was going to have friends who were ecstatic and devastated whatever the result. The evening, however, was a most exciting event - an Orchestra Victoria fundraiser dinner. Dame Elisabeth Murdoch actually had bought a few tables, and donated one of them to ANAM. Nine students and the Artistic Director were invited to attend this black-tie event. All a bit exciting. It was held at the Myer Mural Hall, which is on the top floor of the Myer building in the city; it's a swish venue, Art Deco style and usually not open for public access. Champagne and canapes greeted us upon entering. We swooned at the extravagance of the venue and I giggled with glee at how exciting the whole idea of me getting to go this sort of function was. I will admit that I may never get to go to something liek this ever again. Stephen Hough would unfortunately have to wait until his next tour. It was an extravagant affair. The Orchestra played a few numbers, there were gift bags at the tables for the women (some moisturising cream, a new product being launched at Myer), golf leaf on my dessert, Placido Domingo and Katherine Jenkins at dinner (unfortunately they didn't sing), David Hobson as the MC (we had a photo with him, to prove it), many who's-who in Melbourne in attendance. I feel like I should have been provided with a document in advance with photos and a little write-up about each person's claim to fame or what not. Like diplomat's aides have. It was a very enjoyable evening, free flowing drinks and great food, all with fabulous company. How funny.

Those were the highlights of the week. Quite extraodinary, let me point out. I don't usually lead such an extravagantly glamourous and exciting life. The lowlights were being hit over the head with sad news of tragic deaths of two young men - one I didn't know, the other I knew vaguely. Both were surprising, both were unexpected. Given that there had been quite a bit in the news about young children dying in tragic accidents, it was a pretty rough week of news. And one doesn't really ever expect that somebody they know is going to be around one day, the next day not. I suppose it gives us reason to be thankful for everything that we have every day, and to live life to its fullest and to have no regrets. As a friend once pointed out that it sucks for the people who are left behind. Yeah it does, but I suppose this faith is also one of great comfort and assuarance.

Beethoven, Unicorns and South Melbourne coffees

2011-09-25T21:30:00.002+10:00

Much has happened since the last post. I apologise for the intermittent nature of these posts. I often mean to post things, but time sometimes get away from me.

The Unichurch Unicorns won for the first time in three years. As a follower of football only in news reports, I went to support our team. I mean, they've been "training" for months! Sporting my red, we arrived at Arden St oval via Seven Seeds coffee. We arrived looking like soccer mums - wearing team colours, coffees in hand, cupcakes in tow. We arrived a bit after the match had started, and we were losing. I have to admit, I sort of expected that the Unicorns were going to lose (sorry guys!) as have for the past two years, and the other team is usually about twice the size (in physical stature, rather than number of players!) than ours. The last quarter got very exciting when one of our players kicked a fantastic goal and put us in front by only a matter of points. It was quite thrilling to watch, even as a non-fan of the sport. Anyway, so the exciting part was that we won. It was also a relaxing afternoon, just hanging out watching a football match with some friends. A lovely afternoon. Not so great was later, when I missed a step at the pub (I'd like to note here that I didn't drink anything besides my dinner of soup) and twisted my ankle. The first thing I thought after falling (apart from "Ouch!! This REALLY hurts!") was "Oh my goodness, I have to play a concert tomorrow! What am I going to do?!".
The whole incident was painful, though somewhat ironic considering that none of the players were seriously injured that day, but me, a spectator, was injured in a very awkward incident.

So, this concert the next day. At the end of last year, a very good friend of mine, a violinist and fellow student at ANAM, had decided that we were going to play some Beethoven sonatas together. Quite extraodinary, then, that we both ended up at ANAM this year in a year they decided to work through all of these! What brilliant coincidence (or perfect planning, really!). I had also decided a little while ago that I would perform Beethoven's Piano Sonata No. 17 in d minor ('Tempest') for my ANAM recital and it would be great to get as much performance experience in preparation. We had a class with Paul Lewis a few weeks ago and I played for him then, which was nerve-wracking but also helpful. So back to this idea with the violinist; as part of my job at College, I have organised a concert series and this was the perfect opportunity to perform and schedule a concert featuring Beethoven sonatas! On the programme were three sonatas: Violin sonatas No. 1 and 7 and the Tempest. I didn't quite realise how tiring playing three Beethoven sonatas back to back (with no real interval, though I did take a ten minute breather!) might be. I guess adrenalin does kick in too. Only after the last sonata (7th violin sonata) did I realise just quite how exhausted I was. I do recall, however, being extremely hungry mid-way through the concert! The left foot held out quite well, with a ankel support thingy thing wrapped around it. I realised that when walking it hurt, but with all powers of concentration applied to playing the piano, pain was not such an issue. Maybe this gives evidence to the 'mind over matter' idea?

The following week saw a residency at ANAM by Elizabeth Wallfisch (violin) and David Breitman (fortepiano). The main focus for the week was work on Beethoven sonatas; lucky E and I had been working towards the concert so we had repertoire under our fingers. A schedule for their time at ANAM was put out with not much notice to prepare, which was a little intimidating given that Beethoven is not something one can skim over quickly! A two-hour forum on the first day provided an introduction to the work we were going to be undertaking, and an immediate insight into the characters and working styles of both artists. I really didn't know what to expect! We played last in this forum, and I will say we were pretty darn scared. The first two duos to play barely made it past the first page (of the instrumentalist's printed page). Czerny's book on the "Proper Performance of All Beethoven's Works for the Piano" was referenced several times in order to understand what Czerny (as Beethoven's student) understood of these works. We quickly discovered how much Libby and David care for this music and how passionately blunt they could be in trying to inspire students to feel this love too.

E remarked, as we sat waiting and watching for our turn, that it was like lining up and seeing the person in front of you get executed! (Okay, thankfully far less messy and with less clean-up involved.) As we got up, we were actually shaking from nerves and fear. E's part is across three pages - as she folded up the corner of the first page, I wanted to whisper, "Don't worry, we won't get that far." and off we went, the first movement of the seventh violin sonata (c minor). Into the development, into the recapitulation - and we were still playing. Sometimes in auditions and things like that, once you get a way in, your mind switches to thinking, 'When do they cut me off?' - this was one of those times. And we got to the end of the first movement, no stopping. Who knew? It was met with applause and no harsh words - quite the opposite of what we may have been expecting! It is a magnificent sonata - Czerny deems it one of Beethoven's finest. We tend to agree, and we love it, and we love playing it, however hard it is and however hard we toiled at it! We had the delightful opportunity to work with Libby the next day on it. Rather than workshopping particular bits and pieces, we actually played the entire sonata through with E using a different edition with totally different bowings, fingers and what not, and me playing the fortepiano! How interesting, very different and quite difficult! The fortepiano is a forerunner to the modern piano, and has quite a few differences. It sounds different, has an action that feels quite different, has pedals that are operated by lifting one's knees, smaller keys (doing consecutive octaves were very confusing!!!). So essentially, totally different to playing the piano. This in many ways was also frustrating, because I know the piece well and knew what I wanted to do with it, but lacked the ability to do so on this new instrument! However, this was an utterly fascinating experience, and something that I really enjoyed, however difficult it was. After the initial shock of the significantly lower pitch, reading different articulation and what not, getting used to a whole new way of playing, hearing different things and what not, across time we were getting into the groove of it. Our ears were adjusting to the pitch (or just ignoring what we had established as 'the correct pitch'), measuring space in time differently, adjusting to the different palette of tones and timbres. It was wonderful. I had so much fun being pushed out of my comfort zone, doing something different, experimenting with something old and new all at the same time. Much to digest.

I also had the great privilege of having a lesson with David Breitman. I played the first movement of the Tempest sonata (I said that there was a lot of Beethoven involved, right?!) and we talked about lots of things - what Czerny said and his suggestions for the performance of this piece. We talked about how articulation and notation indicated specific things; things that might not have the same meaning today, due to assumed knowledge and conventions of the time. Then we moved to the fortepiano to try it out there. One of my biggest hangups about historical performance specialists is when they insist that things MUST be played in the historical manner. For example, that legato cannot be played in Bach because the harpsichord is incapable of producing a true legato like the modern piano. But it was so refreshing to hear David say that I should play for him on the piano because that is what I am studying, and the work we did at the fortepiano would be to give an introduction to the instrument (who knew what bones it may tickle, what spark it might ignite?) and to inform and open possibilities that may or may not be carried to the piano. [I will note here that I actually had this session before the violin sonata one described above.] I sat gingerly down in front of the instrument, unsure of whether it might bite, falter, or yield to my inexperienced hands. I asked tentatively, "Can I play it?" to which David enthusiastically encouraged, "I'm waiting for you to do so!" What an experience! What a new sound, what a new touch, what a range of possibilities. I asked lots of questions about the fortepiano (in general. Like 'what does this do?', 'how easy is it to break a string?' and lots more. Also lots of questions about the piece in general. I like asking questions. My teacher will attest to this - he even has a term called "Question Time with Gladys" and appears to be disappointed when I have no questions.) The range of the fortepiano is obviously much less than the modern piano and it was extraordinary to physcially see that Beethoven used the extremes of this keyboard instrument. It was cool to hear the different qualities across the range and how they were employed in his writing. It was interesting to hear the decay of notes across time, even with the knee-pedal thing. It was really a very enjoyable and insightful session that opened up so many ideas and possibilities. It made me think lots about what I might transfer (or not!) to the piano. After three hours of fortepiano and Beethoven goodness, my sense of pitch was altered, my fingers geting used to the different feel of the instrument, and I was already thinking about other pieces in which I may have to change interpretations of things. Wow. A friend told me a few years ago that he thought I should play the fortepiano. After the initial shock of a new instrument, I think I really do love it. I would never give up the piano, but would dearly love the chance to play fortepiano a lot.

Later that week there was the final Beethoven sonatas concert for the year (in Melbourne. Watch out, Hobart!) in which I was to be playing the fifth cello sonata of Beethoven with a young and talented cellist at the Academy. I was initially quite nervous about this, as I have already workshopped and performed it with another cellist. Would this interpretation be similar? Totally different? What if I felt so strongly about a particular way that I would be unyielding? How much do I impose my already established interpretation on a different duo partner? To my pleasant surprise, these questions remained largely as hypotheticals. My cellist this time is a very musical person and it was a great pleasure to work with him and to work through this piece together. I suppose it was also great to be able to play my part in a manner I felt convinced about and for somebody else to either positively or negatively respond in a musical manner that informs me immediately whether they agree or disagree with it. I have come to love this piece dearly. I don't (unfortunately?) really consider myself particularly great at understanding late Beethoven works, but this piece is something that seems to resound with me quite strongly. Even the fugue, in all of its madness and difficulty (consecutive 6ths, what a bane of my life!!). We got the chance to workshop this with Libby, who brought new insight and had lots of great string tricks! We played the piece in class that afternoon in preparation for the concert the following night. And sure, in performance, not everything goes perfectly, but listening to the recording, I am quite amazed at how it went - quite well, in fact! It's not often that I am so willing to listen back to my own playing (I hate doing it. I hate more watching myself...even though I know it's a great feedback and educational tool.) but I distinctly remember being quite happy with it. The recording turned out quite nicely too. Missed a few bits, but that is the nature of live performances, the danger! At least I nailed most of those consecutive sixths!!

I had the great pleasure of being away for the weekend on my church camp. It was so lovely to not be attached to my computer, not have phone reception, and just to be able to relax a little, enjoy great company, learn lots, and enjoy the beautiful surroundings. The campsite is just out of Neerim South, out yonder Warrigal way, on the edge of the forest. Most remarkable was the view; on Saturday morning as I walked out of the cabins up to the maing dining hall and conference room, I looked back and saw the sun shining, blue sky dazzling over the fog, the forest behind the cabins, an expanse of space, quite and peace on a glorious morning. What an incredible view. It was also good to have a two day holiday from piano. The idea in general scares me (What if I haven't got enough time to prepare my repertoire? What happens if I forget how to play this? Worse, what happens if I forget how to play piano entirely?! Okay, irrational, I know..!) but it was good to have a little break, as I knew I wasn't going to have one at all for the next three weeks leading up to my recital!

It has been a mostly beautiful week in Melbourne - days of glorious sunshine. It's funny, I was commenting to a friend that I'm relaly thankful when the sun is shining, but I should be too even if it's grey and overcast! This past week I've had the chance to catch up with a few friends and enjoy their company (in the sunshine too!). I wandered to Fed Square to return something to a friend and ran into a couple of other friends also on their lunch break. What happy coincidences. A dear friend and I had lunch on Friday at a new cafe and had a great time chatting about all sorts of recent developments, including her and her husband's plans for next year (exciting!). The Breakfast Club convened this morning in South Melbourne to great success. It's a great bunch of girls I know from church and while we might not all catch up often, it's a wonderful thing to have variety of friends and interesting people who are of such good quality! I also managed to sneak in a laksa dinner with E earlier in the week (such great good, such great company, such great conversation), as well as a sneaky lunch date with E & K, along with a couple of mid-week concerts. It's been good. Busy, but good. :)

Finding a voice

2011-09-08T21:47:00.000+10:00

A few weeks ago, I had a private piano lesson with a visiting artist. These are an excellent opportunity to get some other expert other than your own teacher to give you feedback and just mix things up in general. However, I often have mixed feelings about having a lesson with somebody other than my own teacher. I'm not denying that it is good to get different feedback (or even the same from somebody else, in a different, or even similar way!). But as I'm finding this year, my progress and learning has been somewhat unusual and atypical across the years. I suppose one may consider and assume that a typical pianist's education encompasses the usual suspects of Bach Preludes and Fugues (tick, well, on the way...), Beethoven sonatas (I currently play maybe one and a half of the thirty-two. I play more instrumental sonatas of Beethoven than piano sonatas!) Chopin etudes (tick, some), Liszt (umm....not much at all!), Rachmaninoff (some), and other hardcore things that require fast fingers and stuff.
So yes, somewhat atypical. I'm really happy about it, though, I have to admit.

So, I got quite a few things out of this piano lesson. But one of the big points was to not be modest about myself. Which I will tell you, is a little bit hard for me personally. It's just how I am with it all. And I suppose that performing allows one to remake themselves, to put on a persona that may or may not be reality; this then opens another can of worms about own personality, about acting, about bearing your own soul on stage or having a facade. And apparently I'm too nice! I didn't really see this as a problem, but apparently it might well be. This may be a result of playing with, and for people, for pretty much my entire piano life so far.

This, combined with a few other things, shook my confidence in my ability as a musician for about a week. One of my fears is for somebody to tell me that I lack talent, or that I'm unmusical. I know, it's completely irrational; I don't think I would have gotten to this point in my life if that were the case, but those sorts of fears sometimes creep about, waiting to pounce at moments of doubt. Which is why sometimes just having your own teacher who already knows your strengths, weaknesses, progress, hurdles and working style is enough to be content with. I have been fortunate in this regard. And it's not a matter of settling for anything, but to be thankfuly for what I have. If these teachers knew that I'd spent most of my time playing repertoire for other instruments or that I didn't really have a piano lesson per se for two years, would the approach be different?

And even if I'm too nice, or still discovering and learning to play the piano, I'm discovering that time and experiences shape us all in ways that we sometimes have little control over. It's not much use pondering over the hypotheticals of what could have been if this were different, but I'm enjoying hindsight and being able to attribute certain aspects of my personality to the experiences I've had. I'm coming to realise, with the help of teachers, mentors, friends (and personality tests!), my capabilities, my limits, my strengths and weaknesses and my distinct preferences. As I move through different stages of life, I've stopped caring so much about what everybody things, because I know it's impossible to please everyboday. It's extraordinary to see personalities develop as children grow (there is a gorgeous little girl, the daughter of a couple, that live at college and it's been pretty cool to see her grow, even week to week!). But I'm pretty sure that my personality is still being developed and forming more distinctly, even at the age of twenty-four!

So that is the pondering inside this mind at the present...

Fridays@3

2011-08-28T21:36:00.000+10:00

So at ANAM there is a 'series' called Fridays@3 which is usually a conversation with a visiting artist. This last week, the cellist Alban Gerhardt was in residence, along with the Silver-Garburg piano duo. All were pretty phenomenal artists. Mr Gerhardt was the guest for the conversation at the end of last week.
I often sit in lectures of all sorts (well, I suppose necessary at university to do so...) and write lots. Often I write to keep awake, or to just get as mkuch information as possible, for processing later. This conversation, however, needed no good reason to keep awake - Alban Gerhardt was highly entertaining and candid. I was glad to have some paper and a pen to record some of these pearlers:

* About chamber music: "We get paid the same amount, but the pianist has to work so much harder (then the cellist)". (I KNEW it! Thank goodness a cellist has admitted it!!)
* About being asked whether one should play new music that isn't written for you specifically: "I found the question stupid, and telling."
* On not listening to recordings much and absorbing concepts and ideas from many sources: "I'm not very good at arts, visual arts. I mean, I've seen stuff..."
* "I've played sixty, seventy, cello concertos, which is not that much....(of the approximately 250 written for the instrument)." Oh yeah, not much at all...
* About his early listening experiences (which were not much to do with cello): "Well, I wasn't very interested in wind music, sorry...I'm sure there aren't any wind players here." On the contrary, a good proportion of the wind students were in attendance.
* "I wrote a blog, and called it 'Schumann and sweets', or some sort of shit title."
* "These scones, not British ones that are light and fluffy, but these American ones..." Good to know his taste preferences!
* "I have a good story...actually, it's not very good...anyway...."
* "We always think about Hungarians as perpper and paprika, and stuff..."
* About Jacqueline du Pre: "She was so beautiful, well, not really....she's not ugly, but she's not a movie star...you wouldn't want to watch her every day."
* About the Max Reger cello sonatas: "These sonatas, the cellist can learn it in a week. The pianist needs a year!"
* About a concerto: "It's for three cellos, which is a dumb idea!"
* "In Germany, we have been tortured by our own modern composers."
* "...he is not a charlatan, he is not Philip Glass!"
* On listening to Philip Glass play a concert: "Shit! I could improvise better as a six-year-old than Philip Glass!"
* On composing (which he has no intention of doing so now): "I wrote a piano trio when I was nine. I wrote it for myself and my siblings. It lasted a minute and fifty seconds. It sounded like Strauss."

What a dude!

Polish adventures Part 3 (A Sunday in Sydney, no Polish news to report of)

2011-08-26T23:12:00.000+10:00

So after a most restful night in the biggest bed I've ever been granted, it was a day of pure fun! I realise that I've never been to Sydney just to have fun; the few times I've been have all been for music tours of some variety, where I've been doing other stuff, and haven't really had much time to look around that much. One day I'll actually go and be a tourist there, seeing as there is so much to do.
Waking up to a beautiful sunny day (!!) with a window overlooking a cosmopolitan street with cafes and what not....blissful!

KD was to come and pick me up from the hotel, which she did. It was nice checking out and not having to settle any bills! And to not have to make the bed (hehe) although admittedly, I really hadn't rolled around much at all. I decided if I wasn't going to be able to enjoy the lovely flowers that I had been given the night before, KD should definitely have them! We wandered around a little for a cafe that looked good for breakfast and settled upon one that looked like it would serve us a hearty morning meal. I have to admit that I love a good cooked breakfast and a morning coffee to go with it. Blissful continued! We had a lovely catch-up over breakfast, chatting about things that had been happening this year that we weren't able to hear about every week. So much has changed and happened this year. Then we went to KD's church, which is currently meeting at Moore Theological College as their original building suffered in a fire and is undergoing the rebuilding stage. It was a great service, really encouraging and also different to my usual Sunday evening one! There were people of a much larger demographic (families! Kids!) and there was a great vibe to it. It's nice going to another church sometimes to visit and to realise that even though the people are different, the songs may be different, the service format, style or vibe might be different, we're still on about the same things fundamentally! This is really exciting and reassuring, I think, partly as I think about how I have no idea what city or country I might be in within the next five or twenty years.

One other thing that struck me about getting around Sydney is how utterly confusing it really is! Even Google Maps on an iPhone do not guarantee that you will get from A to B as expected. On our way to church, the route plotted actually turned out to be not so good as it failed to consider the impossibility of turning at a particular street. We ended up having to follow the road for some while and then find our way back. A fairly frustrating non-anticipation, but in the process of this, we actually drove into the suburb of Woollahra and actually found ourselves passing by the Polish consulate, where we were only the night before! How funny! Google Maps, however, did prove useful when driving to the airport via some cool (large) back streets that avoided much traffic. Whaddaya know?!

After church we wandered along King Street in Newtown, which is close to Sydney University and has lots of shops of all sorts. You might get the idea that we ate lots that day. You wouldn't be wrong. It was great!
KD had a hunch that there was this sort of bookshop/cafe just off the main road and we followed that hunch....and found it! The downstairs part was a lovely bookshop with lots of fun books and gifts. Bookshops are one of those sorts of places that I fawn over so many things that I would buy if I had the means to do so. Perusing the shelves, both KD and I saw these bowls with a dragonfly print on it and looked at each other, with that look and said to each other, "I know somebody that this would be perfect for....!". We decided to buy a gift for the said person just because we could, because we were both in Sydney at the same time in this lovely shop and had this mutual friend that we're both close to. All good reasons for random gifts! Upstairs was a cafe and a second-hand bookshop (which unfortunately we didn't get time to wander through because of little time, pity!) where we ate sweet delicious things on account of not being able to fit lunch in after that large breakfast.

Then it was off to the airport after a very fleeting 24hr stint in Sydney. It was so wonderful to catch up with KD in her new home city (can I say 'new'?!) and to hang out with her for a whole half day. What luxury for us both! It was such a beautiful day all round and a lovely way to round off a really enjoyable weekend. What might seem quite stressful (three flights in three days, one small suitcase, two concerts, meeting-and-greeting) was actually a most relaxing weekend - I'll tel you why. We had one programme to play, which was repeated (such a good feeling!); we were well-looked after; I couldn't bring lots (if any!) work nor my computer, so the only thing I could do was relax; we were somewhat limited in how far we could venture (transport and time constraints) which meant lots of relaxation time; being physically away from the centre of my work (however much I love it) often puts me at ease because I am unable to do it. What a great mini-holiday!

Polish adventures Part 2

2011-08-10T22:46:00.000+10:00

So it was good that we were housed in the super austere and very warm Polish embassy in Canberra. It's a bad idea to check the temperature when you know it's cold, right? One just feels colder for looking at it.
The next day I checked the weather update and commented, "Well, at least it's now positive degrees."
We didn't have much to do at the embassy once the concert was over, so I spent a lovely morning reading a large amount of Harry Potter. It was so relaxing to just not have to do anything, to have a slow morning lazing around.

We were driven to the airport by the lovely Polish embassy woman in another very luxurious (think leather seats, motorised adjustable seats) German car, via a lost way that went past Old Parliament House. Our plane from Canberra to Sydney was a little one - only four seats across, and propellers on the wings. (Reminds me of a fantastic quote from our theory lecturer a number of years ago: "What plane has propellers on the wings? No wonder I felt sick!"). Thankfully, another short flight. Flying into Sydney, you definitely get a different vibe. There are buildings everywhere, you feel like you're about to land in a residential area as you touch down.

After collecting our luggage (flying a Qantas leg allows your to check in luggage - what luxury! For a 7kg orange suitcase...), we looked around for a man with a sign with our names. But no. We looked lost. There was a guy who obviously was waiting for somebody, but he sure wasn't waiting for us (I asked...). We didn't have any contact of the Polish people in Sydney, we didn't even know where the hotel was! We only knew the address of the Polish consulate, but figured we couldn't just rock up there, press the doorbell and tell them who we were and to take care of us (remember, we're not Polish nationals. We can't take refuge there!). A few frantic phonecalls to try get a contact, a man sidled up to us with a sign. Definitely our names. Thankfully he did, we were about to get in a cab to make our way to the Polish consulate!

One thing that always strikes me about a place is the geography. What are the roads like? Are there lots of buildings? What style are they in? Is it mostly freeways? How leafy is it? How hilly is it?
And let me say, Sydney was pretty crowded. For a Saturday afternoon, there sure were a lot of cars on the road! But maybe that is just Sydney? It was a drive that went through tunnels, across freeways, up and down the hills, past a few parks and stopping at lots of traffic lights. We turned into a fancy area: Municipality of Woollahra. As I'm aware from Australian literature studies, this is a FANCY area. Like Toorak. Like Peppermint Grove. Like the Upper East Side. (Sorry, I can't give any more analogies). Just by the bay, lots of nice cafes and homes and stuff. We were driven to right outside our hotel in Double Bay (which is next to the suburb of Woollahra), which Wikipedia tells me is sometimes referred to as "Double Pay". We had been booked a hotel room EACH (how luxurious!) into this boutique 3 1/2 star hotel which is kinda exciting when you've been living in student accommodation for a long time. We checked in ("Your rooms have already been paid for, so anything extra, like breakfast, you pay, right?") and found our rooms.

Awaiting me was a hotel room woo! A double bed - the BIGGEST double bed I have ever seen in my entire life. I could have fit at least one and a half times diagonally. Doing the biggest starfish I could, I couldn't reach the edges. Crisp white sheets, tucked in ever so tight. Amazing. A TV (unfortunately not digital...), an ensuite with dispensers of stuff, a hairdryer, fluffy white towels. Space for me, my daypack and a 7kg piece of hand luggage. Plenty good. And a window overlooking a cosmopolitan street with cafes, shops and exciting things that I could walk out the door and go to (unlike Canberra...)! A long hot shower later, I felt much better and refreshed post-two flights and travel eyes. TV and reading and chatting with KD to organise the next day, and general resting was in order. Bliss. We ventured out in Double Bay briefly foraying for food, which we found at a nice (though slightly pricey) cafe. It was such a beautiful Sydney winter day: sunny and not too cold - I was almost regretting only bringing thick layers but thankful I brough cotton socks, not just the woollen ones. What pleasant weather we had all weekend, even in Canberra (almost perfect: even though freezing cold, it was sunny and crisp!!).

At the appointed time, the driver was waiting downstairs, (yes, right at the doorstep) in the luxury German car with leather seats to drive us to the Polish consulate to have a warm-up and scope of the venue. The Polish consulate is in that suburb of Woollahra, as I found out later, next to the German and Serbian consulates. The driver apologised "Sorry, I said it was five minutes away. I was wrong. It is two minutes away!". We were ushered into what seemed like a large house into this reception room, which held about 100 or so guests. There was a little stage with a piano. Lights all set up, chairs all waiting, and tables with champagne glasses.

The Sydney concert was very similar to the Canberra one, though slightly elongated (a bit more poetry. Apparently the Polish ambassador in Canberra is a concise man...) We were in a waiting room, behind two locked doors in the offices of the Polish consulate, in a sort of meeting room with a large wooden table and various Polish consulate merchandise....a painting, and champagne glasses with the Polish consulate emblem. The thankfully went without a hitch and we were free to mingle with the guests afterwards at the reception. We were given some very lovely flowers which unfortunately I was unable to take into Victoria because one can't bring plant material into the state! As we passed the kitchen on our way to the 'dressing room', we were able to peek in and see the enormous amounts of food....yay! Plates and plates of all sorts of things were served. Amazing. We met lots of really interesting people, including Wanda Wilkomirska, who I had never heard of until that night. So apparently she is a super-amazing violinist who is of Polish ethnicity (which explains her being there..!) and lives in Sydney (also explains stuff..). She really enjoyed our playing, which is extremely high praise! We also met a film-maker, and a nuclear weapons activist whose favourite composer was Gorecki. We met lots of lovely people who really enjoyed the music, and had lots of photos taken (some by an over-enthusiastic photographer). We were saved from the (as it turned out, overly-enthusiastic) filmmaker who was so keen to go out to dinner with us when the driver insisted that we had to leave as he had to drive somebody else home so it was either now or another forty minutes. We went with the former option, while the overly-enthusiastic photographer kept trying to take last photos. We quickly escaped and headed back to the hotel to don some comfortable pajamas! Feeling it too early to go to bed, we donned more comfortable clothes and settled in for tea and biscuits and channel surfing, stumbling upon a very strange movie.....

I slept so well in this MASSIVE bed that night, though I do recall thinking "If I want to roll over, I could, several times over!". First world luxuries.....

Part 3 to come, encompassing my lovely day with KD...

Polish adventures Part I

2011-07-31T23:14:00.000+10:00

As we arrived in Canberra, I thought back to my last visit to the nation's capital - Australian Youth Orchestra Season 1, 2009. I have never arrived in Canberra by plane; looking out the windows, one may suspect they are in a fairly small country town. The airport is quite new-age, different wings and what not. Our flight was short (45 minutes) and uneventful, thought that's probably what you want in a flight! It seemed like we'd only been in the air for a moment before we were starting our descent!

We were greeted at baggage collection by a driver (note: no hat, no gloves) bearing a sign with our names (Yes, "Ms Chua". I am rarely ever greeted as such!). I may never ever have somebody wait at the airport with a sign for me again. He offered to take our bags as we went to teh car - a large Mercedes-Benz van with so much leg room and huge enough for me to almost stand up inside it! So this is an embassy vehicle! I noticed that its plate was blue, and rather than being an ACT plate, or even federal plate (I did not know these existed such a thing until recently), it bored 'Capital State'. Yes, royalty indeed. On our way from the airport, we passed the Royal Military College Duntroon, which was an expansive and impressive compound. I couldn't help but wonder whether the lakes across from the college were used for milirary exercises or not! The crisp air and the beautiful blue sky, sun shining, made the bare trees look like a picture from New England rather than Australia.

As we turned toward the main part of Canberra, New Parliament House appeared as the dominant scenery ahead of us. I suppose this is what people think of when they come to Canberra - a city of government officials and public servants. We passed the buildings of the Australian Federal Police (think a bit like super-new, shiny centre for fighting crime) and the National Archives of Australia. Many of the foreign embassies are located in close proximity to each other. Along the same street as the Polish embassy are the embassies of the USA, India, Israel, Germany and Sweden. Our lovely driver pointed these all out to us. The Chinese is the largest, the USA the 2nd. It is interested to see how each country has tried to outdo the others, each building looking like a symbol of its country's architecture - the US of New England (complete with red bricks actually imported from the USA!), with guards staunchly protecting it, British colonialism in India, and the distinct presence of communism of a bygone era of the Polish embassy. The lines are all very clean, straight, and there is a sense of austerity. When we walked in, we were greeted by a friend, though fairly concise, woman. The Polish ambassador and his family live in this large building that also houses a reception hall (in which we played), offices and guest rooms. In an earlier era, there were far more employees on site; now, only about nine. The driver also tends to the gardens and does all sorts of jobs around the place. He pointed out that the entire land area is about one hectare, and well-monitored by security cameras.

The hall we played in is like a reception hall, capacity about two hundred or so. They were setting up - dressing some tables with tablecloths and ironing them, arranging flowers, working out the state and lighting and other details. I experienced the Polish sense of humour, and attitude. The man who was overseeing all these arrangements pointed out all sorts of problems: "So, we have this little problem with the lights....", "And this little problem with the noise in the kitchen...", and continuing to point out the flaws of this performance arragement, but ending with a smile and shrug, "But this is what we have".

Present at this concert were members of the Polish community in Canberra, the Polish ambassador, the Finnish and Turkish ambassadors, a former Austrlaian ambassador in Poland, and the Archbishop of Canberra & Goulbern, who is the uncle of my colleague, the violinist! Good thing we only found out who all these people were after! A reception was held after about an hour of music and poetry readings in English and Polish. Along with the wine and juice on offer, standard too was vodka! We met lots of lovely people who really enjoyed the evening. The Finnish ambassador particularly enjoyed the music, as did her husband, who kissed both of our hands! We met the Polish ambassador, and many members of the Polish community.

just an ordinary lesson

2011-07-22T21:21:00.001+10:00

My lessons this year are quite extraordinary.
You know how as a kid, or even older, you'd sometimes go to lessons knowing that you hadn't practiced enough, and that your teacher was going to yell at you for it, or you knew exactly what your teacher was going to say because it was the same thing as last week. Or that feeling that you'd let your teacher down, or that fear of going into a lesson because of all the above thing, and more?

Well, I don't feel that at all this year.
This is not to say that I don't work hard to try and incorporate every thing that I've been taught in my previous lesson into everything else. But I certainly don't feel that sense of dread that my teacher is going to yell at me. I actually really look forward to each lesson because I know that I'll learn something extraordinary and will change my perception of my technique or musical idea.

Today was no exception. We only had a little bit of time, but short or long time, these lessons usually leave me much to contemplate. I had intended to get through a lot, but it was to be so.
We spent about 45 minutes on these two lines or so with a particularly difficult section. If you're particularly interested, it is the end of the first movement of Beethoven's seventh violin sonata in c minor with that tricky broken octave bit that trucks along and causes great misfortune to pianists.

So I'm having troubles with it because:
i) I have little hands
ii) repeated broken octaves in that particular figuration does my brain (and hands) in
iii) the last of those octaves in the LH is a G Major - all white notes!!! No reference point doesn't help

So what to do?? Take it to your teacher, of course!
And thus the lesson of a whole heap of pratice techniques and discoveries. This is a list of them that I've noted for myself:

* Practice with earplugs. Dulls all the overtones and enhances peripheral perception of technique and physical things going on, rather than the actual sound feedback and the auditory sense. This totally came about in this fashion:
As my teacher was fiddling with my hands trying to explain muscles and what not, he saw the stamp on my inside right wrist and asked how the nightclub was. I quickly explained that I'd gone to a pub to see a friend's band, but don't worry, I had earplugs to save my ears. And he smiled and said, "Well, speaking of earplugs..."
There you go. Such diversions. Great.
I also pointed out that this friend had suggested that the stamp (a star in a circle) looked slightly evil and might have been a pentagram. I just thought it was a star in a circle.
* Fingers 2-3-4 acting as a unit. Band together with elastic band/cloth/other device so they stop flapping about unnecessarily.
* Stops on bottom / various stop combinations. Oh heck, stop practice is HUGE this year. I can't even begin to emphasise how much it's helped!
* Core of body but keep breathing! Related to Alexander Technique, which has been a massive change this year. There's pelvic floor that's related to the core, which is different to holding in your stomach. Go figure.
* Cupped hand position to brace 5th finger. Work that massive interossi muscle! Pianists with little hands often have a HUGE muscle on the outside side of their hand because they've had to develop it to do stuff. Mine is possibly one of the largest developed muscles in my body. How embarrassing!
* Relaxing the muscle between 1 and 2 even if the thumb doesn't contract.
* Letting go of stuff, including the above, and as a result of having a strong core. That is, free arm, free wrist, free everything.
* Voicing between LH & RH

So yeah, that's what we did in about 45 mins.
And although not all lessons leave me with quite as many practice methods, they're all extraodinarily helpful and enlightening.

Yep, an ordinary lesson indeed.

My mum writes funny emails

2011-07-18T19:11:00.000+10:00

Some highlights in recent times have included:

* After I told her that I'd been shopping again:
"More spending?!? Julia Gillard and Wayne Swan will love you for contributing towards the economy."

* Oh yeah, just casually mentioning that she's coming over in October...
"I hope there's no changes to your recital in October. I've booked my flight to go to Melbourne for this and will take you out for early dinner on 10th Oct. Will give you details later."

* When I hadn't called or emailled in a while:
"Guess you must be busy again with no news from you in between. We haven't forgotten you although not been in contact. What's been happening at your end?"
Good to know my family hasn't forgotten about me....!

lots of little trivial things

2011-07-17T22:52:00.000+10:00

I know clothes don't make a man (and/or woman) but still, having some new clothes is pretty exciting. Particularly when they're on sale.

So I don't go shopping for leisure that much. I actually find it quite frustrating. I much prefer going shopping at the markets for fresh food. I tend to only go when I need something in particular, or when a sale tempts me enough to have a little poke around to see what bargains can be had. Today had some purpose in it: a pair of jeans (because I pretty much live in jeans and performance blacks...), some earphones and some warm socks for my impending one day in Canberra at the end of July. All things were accomplished today, which I am a little shocked at because I usually spend a long time umm-ing and ahh-ing, but with a limited time frame and the knowledge that fitting another shopping trip is near impossible in the forseeable future, I think I was pretty determined to get it done. I'll tell you: I'm pretty excited my two new pairs of woollen socks; They will do very well in the freezer that Melbourne currently is and the expectation of Canberra!

Also in my rather unusual-for-me-because-I-usually-have-this-practice-routine day, I did some particularly domestic activities: cupcakes baked and iced, a load of washing in the machine and dryer, a load of blacks washed, vegetables chopped and roasted in anticipation for cooking soup later this week, French toast made and consumed, supermarket shopping done. Yep, I think I'm set to be a domestic housewife if this music thing doesn't work out....or even if it does!

The vacuuming, among other things, still remains to be done...maybe as a procrastination tool....

The grey area

2011-06-26T21:35:00.000+10:00

So I guess you know that I am really enjoying this year. I am really enjoying studying again (not that it was a significant break...), and I am really excited that I get to play the piano every day! Sure, some days are not as successful as others and some days are filled with rehearsals and seminars and other things that don't leave much time for practice, but still, it's a pretty exciting life.

However, there are several hard parts. I could whinge on for a little while about how hard it is for people to accept what I do as valid, or how much hard work it is, but one thing I'm struggling with (and have been for a while now) is where to draw the line. There can never be enough practice. Practice makes perfect. And I love practicing (on most days). I find it a consoling thing to do, something that is my routine, almost a physical need for my hands to touch keys. The hard part for me is knowing when to take a break. I find it hard to take a day off, even though I know there are so many good reasons for doing so. I usually only take them at the end of a very intense period of work or when my day has filled up with so many other necessary things that getting a chance to practice the piano is impossible for the day.

So what happens when that grey area is so large that you can't identify where leisure and work are anymore? Friends, please remind me to enjoy life too, outside of the thing I really love doing. Please help me to be disciplined about my practice and my rest too!

The Bach Project

2011-06-20T22:22:00.000+10:00

Last year I decided on some repertoire goals in order to give me motivation and things to work towards. It is a very happy coincidence that a friend and I decided to play Beethoven sonatas together and that ANAM this year is undertaking a Beethoven project.

One of the other things I decided to do was to read through all 48 Preludes and Fugues of J.S. Bach's Well-Tempered Clavier. One of the pillars of Western art music, these pieces are often used for instruction and for determining whether a student can play Baroque music. Of course, Bach does not equal Baroque music, but Bach sure does constitute a large segment of Baroque music! I figured that there are 52 weeks in a year and 48 of these pieces. One a week. This plan gives me four weeks extra time to play with, should particular times of the year be too busy. Not to master and certainly not to performance standard, but to sit with each one for a week to absorb, feel somewhat more comfortable with, and explore. These are pieces that I know will sit with me for the rest of my life; one isn't ever finished with Bach.

I started at Book 1 Number 1 (C Major) on 27 December 2010, a Monday. Since then, every Monday has been a new discovery of the next Prelude and Fugue, chronologically. It's been a great motivator to get out of bed and to practice on a Monday morning: "New Prelude and Fugue day!" Okay, so I took one week off during Piano Week because we had such limited practice time. I have liked some very much; and admittedly I have liked some less. A few I have studied before, a few more I have read through before and the rest are largely quite new to me. Monday has usually seen a very lumpy read-through a few times with little concept of structure and the voices. Mid-week has seen some patchy areas ironed out a bit and by the end of the week some things are getting somewhat fluent (well, more so than on Monday!).

As of yesterday I technically finished the first book of the WTC. Every Prelude and Fugue in the first book, I have stumbled, read and played through. That's halfway point. It feels like a pretty exciting thing to have done it for maybe even twenty minutes a day for the last 24 weeks. At the present, I am awaiting a copy of the second volume to arrive in the mail before I embark on the second half of the project, which I know will be far more difficult but satisfying. For the present, I am happy to keep persisting with #24 of the first book (b minor) which, unusually for Bach, has tempo markings and articulation.

I will let you know how I progress through Volume Two....

Black and white

2011-06-01T22:46:00.000+10:00

After the crazy fun that was the Finnish musicians sharing their joy with us, I really thought that there wouldn't be such amazing projects ever again this year. But one has to have all sorts of little highlights, big highlights, some not as exciting times and also (I believe) experience the bad to know what all these levels of enjoyment are.

And I doubt that there are going to be any truly bad projects this year. I'm sure you would agree that not all musics resonate with you at all times. For example (and I know, this borders on the unmentionable, as a pianist), I do not really understand Prokofiev or Liszt at all. I havne't played any Prokofiev and can't imagine doing so in the near future. And I know, Liszt was one of the greatest pianists and he wrote so much piano music of distinction, but with the exception of a few pieces (such as transcriptions of Schubert songs, and some of his arrangmenets and workings of opera overtures, to name a few), I would rather pick something else over Liszt. There, I said it. Sorry.....

Anyway. Back to the idea of having all sorts of experiences.

Following Pekka Kuusisto and Iiro Rantala is a really tough gig. Seriously tough. There was so much energy in the air during their residency week that felt like a serious hangover of excitement and adrenaline. Next on the programme was an Australian Voices concert featuring the music of Peggy Glanville-Hicks, curated by the Australian harpist, Marshall Maguire. PGH was unique in that there were no female composers around her time in Australia so I suppose you could call her a pioneer. She went to New York and hung out with all these composers, artists and influential people in the scene there and was in with that crowd that considered themselves to be the intellectuals and witty. Her piece 'Thomsoniana' is a collection of songs for soprano, flute, horn, two violins, viola, cello and piano. The text is taken from reviews of various artists by Virgil Thomson. The language is so colourful and descriptive - we are so boring in our use of language these days! PGH's music reflects the styles in which these composers/performers presented themselves; for example, the music for Stravinsky is 'Neoclassical' while Schoenberg is atonal and awkward. Clifford Curzon incisively dictates while Satie's and Ansermet's is floaty and full of subtle harmonies. The entire work is quite light-hearted and at times, tongue-in-cheek. Again, the Salon at the Melbourne Recital Centre was a beautiful venue to play in and the audience seemed to enjoy the concert.

That concert over, it was time to gear up for one of the biggest weeks (for pianists, at least!) of the year: the 2011 Piano! Festival. This was a week of intense learning, much sharing, music-making galore and merriment. The four pianists at ANAM (three students, one teacher) were joined by another seven students from around the country and artists from around Australia and the world.

[Disclaimer: maybe skip to the last few paragraphs if you don't have much time. I have a feeling the next chunk will be a VERY significant bit of reading...and I think perhaps I shan't detail every hour that was filled with every rehearsal, lesson, concert or seminar.]

The week started on Sunday with an introduction to the week from Tim and introducing each other. Some people had only flown in that morning so were a little hazy on it. Good thing we didn't start rehearsals...! We had an introductory session to Alexander Technique from ANAM's regular, Penny McDonald. I have to say that before I came to ANAM I was a little skeptical of Alexander Technique; probably because other people couldn't articulate to me how it could be useful nor could they tell me how they had benfitted. And I think it's one of those things that you just have to give it a shot. Even if it's completely outside of our comfort zone and you mightn't actually end up doing it, it's worth it to at least try it. If there's one idea or belief that I'm forming quite strongly, it is that one has to be open to stuff. To at least try it and then if it doesn't work, to discard it and do something else. But at least to have active choices; this is what makes us human, right? We have been given choices and brains to make decisions for ourselves. So it was interesting, because most of us in the room had really never done anything of the sort, and I think that this session, along with the one the next day really was helpful for those who rescinded previously-held ideas and control just to try it out and see whether it could make playing more productive and easier.

The next day was the start of all the seriously serious stuff. I will admit that over the previous weekend in anticipation for the crazy busy-ness that was about to hit, I woke up early on both days to do my chores and errands....nothing quite beats going grocery shopping at 7.45am on a Saturday morning or doing one's laundry at 7am.....how cool am I?!? So, ANAM was going to be open from 8am every day so that we could fit in some practice time. Admittedly, we were allocated three dedicated hours a day to practice (if you choose to use them...) which may sound like a lot, but honestly isn't heaps given how much ideally we'd each choose to do! Pianists are notorious for being the first to pipe up, "I need to practice..." (particularly at social functions haha). So off I went to be there for 8am with the notion of a serious sugar and caffeine addiction already planted. We had a session on stagecraft from Hugh Halliday mid-morning where we talked about presentation and even did some walk-ons and bowing (even with two pianists. The coordination required is obviously quite pertinent!) The girls were even taught to curtsy, which few managed to do gracefully. The rest of us (me included) did this awkward bob thing trying to balance on one foot and looking more like baby giraffes rather than graceful ladies.

Then came the first of the lunchtime concerts for the week (there was one every day!) in which the ANAM pianists and another student from Queensland played our solos. I had the (un?)fortunate pleasure of being the very first up. I suppose this is what happens when one elects to play Bach....(I think I'm going to be known as the girl that plays Bach and Beethoven...! I suppose there are worse things to be known for, right?) It went fairly well, with the exception of a memory slip at the very beginning, about six bars in. Third time lucky, after a humble apology to the audience (and no expletives, which may have otherwise been expected..!) with music safely opened out, I got through all four of the Four Duets relatively unscathed. Quite satisfactorily, in fact, I think. These pieces are rarely played; in fact, I had never heard of them until Tim mentioned them to me. I'm pretty sure most people haven't heard of them, let alone even heard them. They don't enjoy the same sort of fame as the Well-Tempered Clavier, the French Suites or Partitas, or even the concerti (including those for multiple keyboards). But being the genius that Bach is, these pieces are clever and exciting gems that only utilise two voices to create surprising harmonic inflections, modulations and clever (and deceiving) rhythmic games. Such is the joy of playing Bach - always something new to discover.

During the week I had three different lessons with three differents artists: Michael Kieran Harvey, Ami Roge and Stephen Emmerson. For each, I brought three different works: the first movement of Beethoven's 2nd Piano Concerto (B Flat Major), Faure's La Bonne Chanson and the first movement of Beethoven's 5th sonata for piano and cello (D Major). All these classes were helpful and insightful with the teachers encouraging me (and my associate artist, in each case!) in shaping the music. One particularly exciting thing was that Ami Roge had only ever played the first three (of nine) songs of the Faure and so playing the songs for her was like a revelation. We had a particularly enjoyable hour together delving into the subtle harmonies and colours and didn't even get through the whole work! We were so excited that we arranged to have another session the next day where my soprano could come along and also for Pascal Roge (!!!!) to hear it too. This session was particularly exciting maybe just for sheer virtue of playing for Pascal Roge (!!!!) but probably most exciting was that here we were, sharing this amazing music for the first time for Pascal and Ami who had never heard the entire song cycle performed.

Each day at 5pm there was also a seminar given by one of the visiting artists (I suppose I should mention at this point that the other visiting artists, apart from Pascal and Ami Roge, Michael Kieran Harvey, Stephen Emmerson and Timothy Young, obviously, were Ian Munro and Steven Osborne). These presentations were interesting and definitely got juices and thoughts flowing. There was some lively debate and many seeds planted in the young (and not so young!) minds.

More of the visiting students played solos in the lunchtime concerts on the Tuesday and Wednesday. It was lovely to sit back and to enjoy hearing other pianists. One thing that was weird through the week was to hear so much piano being practiced! With only three of us this year at ANAM, we are far more likely to hear a violin or cello (or even an oboe! Yes, there are four oboe players this year! That's one more than piano. So unlikely!!) in the practice rooms. And for once, you couldn't tell who was practicing based on the repertoire - you actually had to peek in to see who it was!

The Tuesday lunchtime concert also featured Malcolm Williamson's Concerto for Wind Quintet and Two Pianos (Eight Hands). This was such a feat to get this together. Prior to the concert, we had had rehearsals where we fiddled with the position and orientation of the two pianos, where the wind quintet was going to be, whether it would work without a conductor, putting up baffles to reduce the bathroom-like quality of the hall. Complex. And although it went fairly well (you know, we started together and finished together. Each movement, that is. Quite an achievement. Give or take some weird stuff happening in the middle.) I will admit that this is one of those things that I didn't particularly enjoy. The piece conceptually is good - you know, wind quintet, lots of piano-ing; but the execution of this concept unfortunately didn't resonate with me (nor perhaps, several other members of the ensemble) as the music didn't go many places in the first movement, the second so complex texturally that it was hard to do much with it, the third was nice though a little stagnent and at least the fourth was entertaining with all its running semiquavers. Oh well, we did get through it quite sufficiently and as I preluded above, one has to have not so exciting projects to know what exciting projects are.

Thursday's lunchtime concert was an all-Poulenc programme featuring Pascal and Ami Roge, Tim and eight of the students in works for two pianos, as well as the Poulenc sextet. This was a really fun and enjoyable concert and also rewarding to not have to work hard and just to be able to sit back and enjoy the concert. Also because I don't understand, but enjoy, Poulenc's music. Friday's lunchtime concert was a great ball of fun; Stephen Emmerson and all the students performed an all-Grainger programme of works for multiple pianos and multiple hands. There were some short cute tunes and a beautiful Scottish folksong arrangement with the highlight (not as I played in it, but rather as the most substantial thing that Grainger wrote) being his arrangment of his own orchestral work, The Warrior (Music for an Imaginery Ballet), for three pianists at two pianos. This twenty or so minute work is full of exciting harmonies that shift rapidly, melodic themes, percussive effects, polytime (between all three pianists at one point!), canons - among many other exciting things. This was a fantastic piece to work on and play. In the couple of weeks leading up to it, practicing it always made me happy because it is such joyous and fun music. And there are sections of extreme dynamics - really fun to create 'barely a wisp of sound' to thumping it out ('bring to the fore' and ffff). I seriously think that in the performance we abused the pianos so much that we put them out of tune! It was great fun. We started together and ended together; again, with a few funny things in the middle, but that is the beauty of live performance: the risk factor! It was still effective, and I think the audience really enjoyed it. I know I got a real kick out of playing this massive work. What fun.

Each evening, we also watched a concert given by one of the visiting artists. These ranged widely from Mozart, Beethoven, Chopin, French 'Impressionists', Rachmaninoff, Messiaen to a recent composition/homage to Liszt. Being immersed in this much piano and performance was very busy (each hour accounted for, including when we had time to practice and when we ate lunch and dinner!) but also really satisfying because we could engage in so much so intensely. Going to a concert each evening made us critical listeners and inspired much comment and debate afterwards and into the rest of the week. All the concerts were good in their own way; each provoked (positive and negative) responses from the students, which I think is a good thing. To play and not have any response is probably the worst reaction because it means that the music and playing didn't move anybody to care. Probably one of the highlights for me was to hear Messiaen's Quatuor pour la fin du temps (Quartet for the End of Time). Much has been said about this piece but I had never heard it in its entirety, either on recording or live. If you get the chance to see it live, I highly recommend that you do. Played well (as it was on the Friday night), it is incredibly moving; I doubt I can even adequately describe it in words, but in a poor attempt to do so, I felt like I needed to sit in silence for half an hour after the performance to process what had just happened. It felt like plucking molten silver out of thin air. Time stood still for many moments.

There was an Improv segment to Piano Week as well, held the weekend after the classical stuff finished. I also managed to squeeze in a vocal recital on the Saturday night at the end of the craziness that was the week. Perhaps thoughts and reflections on those two days are better left for another post of far less intensity and information. A ridiculous amount of caffeine and sugar taking the guise of an addiction (there are far worse things to be addicted to!) helped me through the one hundred hour or so week of incredible music-making, madness and merriment. I met a bunch of amazing artists - both professional and colleagues - who made the week so enjoyable. When Monday morning rolled around, I had lost a little bit of that motivation and gung-ho attitude that came with having every hour of every day accounted for in some schedule. It is back to the note-learning phase. The week was incredible. So many ideas were bounced around; I felt like I had to constantly have my critical hat on (critical not in a negative way, but in an analytical way) to really question why we make the decisions we do, why we enjoy certain things or not, and what we consider to be important in our music-making. So many ideas were sowed into young, impressionable minds and friends were made over music. That's important.

Beethoven to Tango via Finland

2011-05-14T21:51:00.000+10:00

It is the month of May - the crazy one, where so much is happening!
Beethoven starred in a Mother's Day concert last Sunday. There were a few of his early violin sonatas and a couple of early cello and piano works. What a miserably wet day is was, but the audience were treated to a feast of music and what looked like some incredible cupckaes (among other tasty treats)!

There are ten sonatas for piano and violin by Beethoven.
Number one in D Major, tick!
This was admittedly a little hastily put together - maybe all within the space of about three weeks. But I guess the good thing about a work like this is that I'll have it in my repertoire hopefully as long as I live, and will have a lifetime to refine it.

From Beethoven sonatas to Beethoven violin concerto with.....(insert drum roll here)...Pekka Kuusisto!

Enter the one-week residency of Pekka Kuusisto, violin and Iiro Rantala, piano.

I'm not sure I had any idea what to expect, apart from lots of fun and experimentation. And that's what we got. The concert at the end of the week was in three stages:
Set I: Beethoven's violin concerto and Haydn's 88th Symphony
Set II: Great Mistakes (Hietala) for piano trio, and some improv
Set III: Subterraneo, tango improv (Finnish style...)

I signed myself up for Set III with little idea of what was expected of me. I had obtained a copy of Subterraneo and had a listen of Pekka and Iiro tango-ing it up. Certainly not really tango as I expected - that is, not via Buenos Aires! If you are looking for something new to listen to, I highly recommend this; it is INCREDIBLE. I have had it on repeat for at least two weeks now.

So, we turned up to our first Set III rehearsal with some nervous anticipation. I seriously felt not qualified to be there, but we got into it.

Our first task was to learn some Finnish text:
Lämpöni lempeni annan
Kaunis on nuoruutein
Näät suven ruusut kannan
Itseni yksin tein

Ei ole muuta antaa
Kuin tama nuoruutein
Sulle sen tahdon kantaa
En ota itsellein

And then we had to learn the melody that went with this song. Let me tell you: learning a new song and its melody is made significantly more difficult when you don't know what you're singing about, let alone how to say the words. Lucky Matt pulled out his iPhone and recorded Pekka and Iiro singing it so we could all have this forty second sound clip of sheer spontenaeity and helpfulness.

We also did some improvising on a basic G chord ('white notes') that would form the sections between more structured bits that P&I (yes, this is how I'm going to refer to them from here on in....) play. We came up with various combinations where the voices would interact with each other while others provided a background soundscape in which to improvise over. We also learnt Tango Ouh and where to come in.....
Day one complete.

The next day, I was fortunate enough to have about an hour or so one-on-one with Iiro. I didn't really know what to expect; I'm not sure he did either! Only much later in the week and upon reflection do I realise how fortunate I was for this time. You should also totally look him up on Youtube and what not to see what he does. Briefly, I admire him because he's a classically trained pianist who is an amazing jazz artist and the way that he uses the instrument - technically and tonally. So, what does one who hasn't really played much jazz do in a private lesson with such a great artist?

Well, he was really nice. Genuinely interested. He asked what I was currently playing, what sort of stuff I listen to, who my favourite composers are, whether I'd improvised and played any jazz before. That sort of stuff. And then we talked about what might be good ways to start improvising and listening and trying out stuff. I never dreamt that I would ever hear or witness the likes of ABBA, Queen or The Beatles being played on the pianos that are within the walls of the South Melbourne Town Hall, but there you go. No kidding. Awesome.

Then we experimented with some of that floaty stuff that we had done the previous day in our rehearsal. He encouraged and murmured approvingly as I added some colour notes and fiddled about with different motifs. Then he suggested adding a rhythmic pulse, which totally changed the feel of things. Funny that...
He demonstrated, and said "Here, you have a go, just like that." Ummmm........maybe not 'just like that'...!
But again, he was very encouraging. Then we tried some improvising on the chords in the intro of 'Autumn Leaves'. We talked about various other jazz pianists and some of their styles. I asked all sorts of questions, including some about 'wrong notes'.

In-between all that, he played me some of the things he's thinking about, like a pop song ditty he's written. Very catchy and cute. Incidentally, a few of us went to their gig at Bennett's Lane the night before the concert and he aired it for the first time there! I feel priveliged that I'd already had some of it! He also talked a bit about doing some improvisation on Bach's Goldberg Variations, whereupon he whipped out a well-thumbed copy (Henle, no less) of the piece and opened up to the first page and started playing a bit and improvising. I remarked to him after that it was astonshing that even though he was adding colour notes, like 9ths, 11ths and other fun things, the basic harmonies were not shocking - they all sounded plausible as Bach had written them. I think this is one of the things that makes me admire Iiro so much is that he is classically trained. He has this background of being well-informed about the history of Western music and technical security (there is no way he'd be able to play half of what he does if he didn't have it!), and there is that understanding of how music has evolved over time, and how he can do stuff now that is different. It was also quite humbling that such a great jazz artist would still return to Bach and love every moment of it.

Our next few rehearsals for Set III involved more improvising and having fun with the Finnish tango. In one of the songs, Adios Muchachos, I put my hand up for a 32-bar solo. Deep end? I think so. Bring it on! The ever-encouraging Sam popped in to have a listen during the week and had some very wise words for me that included "don't freak out about your solo" and the fact that I wasn't (and never will be, funnily enough..!) Iiro and that we are totally differnet people with different ideas and totally different experience. So I should just play what I do and not worry about any sort of comparison. [Sam, I know you'll read this, so thank you :) ]
And in the concert, I decided that I should just get on with it and do it. Have fun and what not.
Unfortunately, I don't really remember exactly what I did in my solo, but I remember thinking, 'Who cares about wrong notes? Make them into something. Do something fun and interesting!'

And you bet I had so much fun. A few people commented about how much fun it looked like I was having through the entire set. And not that I don't have fun when I play classical music, but I think it's a totally different mindset that I have. And perhaps it shouldn't be different. It was such a joy to do this concert and to be (almost) totally spontaneous and love doing it.

Maybe that's what I need to be practicing more of - having fun!

I think this project is one of the most enjoyable I've ever worked on. I know I've raved about other things (even so many this year already!) but this one has been hard to put into words and I'm not even sure if I've articulated any of the sentiment this week well at all. You might just have to imagine how amazing it was if I tell you that my eyes glaze over when I think about how incredibly fortunate I was to experience this.

And if you ever get the chance to see them, do it. I went to their gig and can say that it was one of the best gigs I've ever been to.

Metropolis and Recollections

2011-05-01T22:25:00.000+10:00

My mum sometimes gets questions that go something like this:
"What does your daughter do?" "Does she want to be a teacher?" "When is she going to play in the orchestra?"

Briefly, the answers are as such:
I study music. In particular, the piano.
I am a classical pianist most interested in collaborative work.
Teaching may be part of my work in the future.
At the present, I hope to play a lot.
I've been in a number of orchestras.
But this one, on 27 April, was different.

My mum could totally boast "Oh yes, she was playing in the MSO concert that night..."
Fact.

The MSO this year is presenting a Metropolis series entitled "Brett Dean's Vienna". All are held at CUB Malthouse, which is a pretty edgy venue. The concert we did was a joint collaboration between MSO and ANAM. For example, in the orchestral piece as well as the octet I was in, half of the players were from MSO, the other half from ANAM.

Brett Dean's 'Recollections' (2006) for clarinet, horn, percussion, violin, viola, cello, double bass and piano is a piece about "aspects of memory". In the piano part, I had to venture to the other side of the music stand (cue dramatic music here). I mean, there is so much music written for the piano - one could spend multiple lifetimes trying to even get through the solo repertoire, let alone chamber music and all other things, which may or may not include the other side of the stand! I was required to do some pizz-ing and some hitting of strings with sticks (mallets). It was all pretty weird cool fun. I stuck stickers on the inside of the piano so I knew where I was, what to hit or pluck.

What made the entire experience something new?
1. The conductor was also the composer. Okay, so I have worked with composers before on their compositions; in fact, a few have conducted their own piece too. But if you havne't heard of Brett Dean, he's kinda a Big. Deal. And you know what was realy cool too? He was super nice! He introduced himself to me, gave me heaps of encouragement and was very kind. And It was really cool to be told specifically what he wanted. We could ask questions, he would tell us exactly!
2. We had a very short rehearsal period. So this is something that I think professional orchestras do (ie. the short time-frame of things. So different to uni!) We had a rehearsal on the previous Wednesday for about 2.5hrs, then another one the next day that was scheduled for 2.5hrs (but only went for about 1.75hrs...) and then had the five day Easter long weekend. And then we came back on the Wednesday and did an hour or so (okay, went not so great the first time - I think we forgot how it went after five days! Don't worry, we pulled it together on the second go!) and then did the concert that night. Talk about efficiency...

So, being the Thinker-Feeler that I am (thanks Phil Jauncey! Okay, I'm wondering whether I'm starting to do things because I 'should be having this reaction because I'm a Thinker-Feeler' or whether I'm just more aware of it...?), I think it went pretty well. Of course, not everything was perfect. But at the risk of sounding like a broken record, what is perfect? The most moving part, I think was the last movement, entitled 'Locket'. This quotes a Clara Schumann Romance (no opus number) in the piano and the other instruments weave in and out, highlighting certain notes, creating an eerie atmosphere of some memory. It suspends in mid-air and ends in a similar fashion. Absolutely incredible to play.

I really enjoyed working on this project. I enjoyed working with Brett Dean, particularly on his own composition. I was grateful for a few friends that came to see me (and others...) play. I sometimes think that maybe people wouldn't want to come hear new music, but I think that more people are willing to try it, taste it, to see what other possibilities exist for instruments who have so much written for them already.

First-world problems

2011-04-26T23:09:00.000+10:00

So many times I want to complain: Why can't it be like THIS? Why did they do THAT? WHAT is going on? Why does the good stuff have to end? Why are so many things vying for my time and effort?

Jealousy is one of those first-world problems I suffer from. People have nicer stuff than me. People have more time to do stuff than me. People look like they have better relationships with others around them than me. People have the means to go do exciting overseas holidays. People have their life-plan worked out.
Among many other things.

But you know what? I've had a most wonderful long weekend.
I got to celebrate my birthday. Many children (who grow to be adults, or don't....) don't make it to this age. And many that do don't have the luxury of celebrating it with friends. I was blessed to be surrounded by friends who care enough to send me some well wishes and love.
I got to go to church and hear some truths about the reason we celebrate Easter. I got to hear about suffering and sacrifice and about resurrection and hope.
I got to go to see one of my favourite bands play a gig. I got to catch up with a few old friends.
I had time to practice. Admittedly, probably not as much as hoped or intended, but I did. And I got to have a few rehearsals with some friends in preparation for things coming up.
I got to play music in a style that I don't get to every day.
I got to hang out with some friends being myself, without pretension and purely for the enjoyment of each others' company.
I got to catch up with several friends today. I got to eat yummy food cooked by them, gorge myself on chocolate (yum!), ride out on a tram to a nice part of town, have coffee with another friend, have another one come over for a bit and catch up, and celebrate another friend's birthday.

I have so much to be thankful for.
I am thankful that I am able to live in a such a free country.
I am thankful that I can practice my faith without persecution.
I am thankful that I can hear, listen to music, and play music.
I am thankful for family and friends.
I am thankful for the money that I have.
I am thankful for a healthy body that can walk, dance, run (if really required....), feel and see the sunshine, taste food and drink.
I am thankful for the sacrifice made for me.
Among many things.

Third Day: "You are Mine"

2011-04-24T12:23:00.002+10:00

It doesn't take much
For my heart to break
And you have done it
For what seems the millionth time

Whenever I hear
Of your saving grace
And how you gave your life
In exchange for mine

Sometimes I wonder why you even love me
And why you ever chose to call me child
Then I remember
It's by your sacrifice
I can say that
I am yours and you are mine

It doesn't take much
For me to shed a tear
And you have done so many things
To make me cry
Whenever I think
Of all that I've done wrong
And everything that you have done
To make it right

It doesn't take much
For my heart to break
And you have done it
For what's seems the millionth time

I have to pinch myself sometimes

2011-04-22T23:51:00.000+10:00

So I've technically been on holidays for a week now. Of course, we all know that this just means that there is no compelling need for me to turn up in South Melbourne for classes unless I schedule anything myself. And you probably already guessed that meant that I was in South Melbourne pretty much every day. I'm proposing that the term 'holiday' be removed from a list of possible terms applied to my study and work situation. I prefer 'day(s) of rest'. Far more appropriate and descriptive.

Anyway, it has been good in any case. There was time to practice, and just chill out a little bit without having specific times to be anywhere. I also filled up my evenings because I could...! I taught on Monday evening, saw a Peter Wispelwey recital on Tuesday (solo Bach and Britten suites), saw the Easter Musical on Wednesday, and went out for birthday fun on Thursday.

So many good things. The sunshine. Friends. Music. Concerts. Rehearsals. Switchfoot gig!!!! (amazing!!! So. Cool.) Hot cross buns. Dancing. Singing.

And I was reflecting on how amazing this week has been, even though it's been busy and I haven't really gotten back into my proper sleep routine. And even though it has been incredible, how much MORE incredible this celebration of Easter is. I really enjoyed the sermon last week at church, and the truths about why we celebrate Easter. What it means for us. One of the things that really struck me was that the Passion story is not one of accident, nor a conspiracy, nor an unfortunate set of circumstances with unfortunately endings. These events were all ordained and were set in motion as a matter of choice and response.

Now that's incredible.

Extemporisation, Classical Improvisation and playing Harry Potter. And are you a Mozzie?

2011-04-13T22:42:00.000+10:00

You may wonder how extemporisation, classical improvisation and playing Harry Potter are related. The answer to this is the not-so-tenuous link of David Dolan, a pianist and expert in these three things (although one may argue that Daniel Radcliffe is much more famous for the last activity). DD (as he will now be referred to) came to ANAM for a two-week residency and to workshop all sorts of things with us.

The first session raised lots of issues: what is improvisation, and why are classical musicians so scared of it? My friend ventured that it's because there is nobody to defer to (ie. Beethoven says this in the score) and one has to be responsible (and take ownership of) but nobody wants to be exposed as a fraud. Yep, tick tick. That's me. What if I improvise and I'm accused of being bad at it, or being unmusical?!?

So DD started playing some games. With some brave and willing volunteers, he played games of classical improvisation, posing a musical question and letting somebody answer in a similar fashion. These extended to playing together in some sort of Question-Answer-together thing. He emphasised that there are no wrong notes - and what we consider to be 'wrong' notes are often the most interesting notes, because they form the distension in music.

What a fortnight it was. I was fortunate to have about seven sessions in total with DD in various forms - trio, instrument class, duo. Many visiting artists who come in to give any sort of class approach the student with some sort of finishing polish or a few ideas about how to approach things. This is not a bad thing in itself, but what DD was completely different. We were encouraged to approach pieces from a compositional point of view, particularly in terms of the harmony. We did structural and harmonic reductions of passages, looking at the bare bones of the music. We actually played these (he said to perform them like you would the actual written stuff!) and things became clear. We also acted and spoke the music (that is, not singing..!) to hear the direction and the intensity. We reduced the melody as well (reminded me of the Schenkerian analysis stuff we did in first year..!) And we played games! This was actually far more enjoyable than I thought it was going to be - the fear of 'what if I make stupid and bad noises?' was shelved in exchange for fun and experimentation. Even more enjoyable was the Neo-Classical style I was able to employ - Classical structures without Classical tonality. Here I found that rhythmic and shape elements were of greater interest and importance.

DD also gave me (us) tips on how to approach certain passages, making certain things so much clearer and easier to follow. All these thins: singing, acting, reducing, playing of games - DD did them all; he demonstrated to us and made us feel really comfortable about doing the same. What really struck me too was that he was so encouraging and positive and so open to sharing some of his genius with us. I was struck by his genius, his perception and his enthusiasm for helping us to uncover all these things in the music, and for his humility. At the end of each session, he would remind us that he didn't teach us how to play certain things (indeed, he didn't teach any specific technique of playing one's instrument to, for example, the violinists) but stressed that his work was to encourage us to think in a different way, and that we were all capable of doing this ourselves, and that we had! Such affirmation.

The other interesting guest we had in these two weeks was Dr Phil Jauncey, a performance psychologist. He has worked with some of the most successful sporting teams in Australia (and I'm sure, beyond Australia, and beyond the sporting domain too!) and is a fascinating speaker. I almost expected him to tell me 'This is how you can control your nerves and this is the magic formula.' So NOT what he was talking about. I shan't bother to sum it all up - it is quite a lot and also quite concise at the same time, but there are so many thoughts to it that perhaps I shall tell you if you're interested. Let's just say that I think his method of approaching psychology is quite different to what traditional Western medicine prescribes. One of the things we also did was to do a personality test (different to others, such as Myers-Briggs) where our results were then compiled and we were 'measured' on two different axes: External/Internal and Structured/Flexible. These formed four quadrants with the prevailing personality types of Mozzie, Enforcer, Thinker and Feeler. One can be a combination of these types too. It was certainly interesting to see my own results, and also discuss others' with them! How fascinating it is to see a broad spectrum of people at ANAM and how we can adapt how we work with the different people.

Les entretiens de la belle et de la bête (Conversation between Beauty and the Beast)

2011-04-03T20:20:00.002+10:00

From Ma Mere L'Oye (Mother Goose Suite) - this text precedes the movement

- "When I think of your kind heart, you don't seem to me so ugly." - "Oh!
"Indeed! I have a kind heart, but I am a monster." - "There are many men who are greater monsters than you." - "If I possessed any wit, I would pay you a fine compliment by way of thanks, but I am only a beast.
...Beauty, will you be my wife?" - "No, Beast!..."
- "I die happy because I have the pleasure of seeing you one more time." -
"No, dear Beast, you shall not die: you shall live to become my husband!"
...The Beast vanished and she saw at her feet only a prince more handsome than Love itself who thanked her for breaking his spell.

(Mme Leprince de Beaumont)

Voyelles (Vowels)

2011-04-02T07:58:00.002+11:00

This poem was the first performed preceding the first movement of Richard Meale's "Incredible Floridas" on 9 March 2011.

A Black, E white, I red, U green, O blue : vowels,
I shall tell, one day, of your mysterious origins:
A, black velvety jacket of brilliant flies
Which buzz around cruel smells,

Gulfs of shadow; E, whiteness of vapours and of tents,
Lances of proud glaciers, white kings, shivers of cow-parsley;
I, purples, spat blood, smile of beautiful lips
In anger or in the raptures of penitence;

U, waves, divine shudderings of viridian seas,
The peace of pastures dotted with animals, the peace of the furrows
Which alchemy prints on broad studious foreheads;

O, sublime Trumpet full of strange piercing sounds,
Silences crossed by Worlds and by Angels:
O the Omega, the violet ray of Her Eyes!

- Arthur Rimbaud, as translated by Oliver Bernard: Arthur Rimbaud, Collected Poems (1962)

Find out more about Arthur Rimbaud and his poetry at http://www.mag4.net/Rimbaud/index-en.php

Bach

2011-03-29T21:12:00.000+11:00

So today I played in my first ANAM lunchtime concert. I hadn't really expected to be doing it quite so soon in the year. And I had really hoped that it was in a format that I was far more comfortable with: chamber music. But alas, a couple of weeks ago my teacher asked if I could play at the previous Academy@1 concert. Thankfully, I had more time to prepare for my first lunchtime concert by it being....the following week. Haha.
I had hastily and shakily answered, "Well, I could pull out.....some...Bach....?" It was agreed. Bach it shall be. It has been a while since I studied this piece. If I remember correctly, I prepared it for my third year, first semester, exam. That was a while ago...

So began the process of re-learning, re-familiarising myself with f# minor, the voices, the hand shapes, the genius that is the intertwining of the voices. I took it into my lesson about a week and a half ago - the patched together version from several years' past and the more recent layers. In about two weeks, my teacher deconstructed it and added about fifteen more layers on top of it. Wow. I guess this goes to show that one never is completely done with Bach. The Well-Tempered Clavier is a testament to Bach's genius; it never fails to amaze me at how he wrote these pieces - all different characters, all expertly and finely crafted.

So, I had played this piece for several people - in my lesson, in piano class (twice..!), to various willing friends. Each time revealed something new, something different, another layer.

This morning, I had some time in the Hall to try it out there. There is something special about being in that Hall first thing in the morning, when the sun was shining through (admittedly, pretty much into my face...) and playing Bach as a way of waking up my senses (if the squishy tram ride and coffee weren't enough...) and mentally preparing for the day. A friend came to listen. My teacher also came in to have a listen. He suggested a few things to fine-tune in the next couple of hours before the performances: some voicing, some metronome work. But he was very encouraging and confident in my ability and work.

I will be the first to admit that I suffer from nervousness of a varying degree; varying depending on context. And I'll admit that I haven't really touched solo repertoire for about two years. Lunchtime concert, first up, Bach, solo. Things that all scare me. My teacher said to me just before I went on, "You love Bach. Enjoy it!" Good thinking. Share Bach with the audience! So out I went, nervous as anything, and ready to show the audience why I love Bach and to prove that I'm here at the Academy to be good!

While playing, I actively remember actively thinking about certain things I had written in my score. This is a good thing. Far too many performances fly by and I don't remember what I thought (except for "Don't stuff this bit up...." or "Ooh, wrong note...". Maybe that should be rephrased as 'So many performances fly by and I don't remember thinking many positive thoughts) and it happens and works because I've practiced enough for it to become an automatic thing. This is something I know I have to be far more pro-active about. And to tell you the truth, I actually really quite enjoyed performing my Bach today. I enjoyed that it was completely up to me to show the audience how much I love it, and to keep them hanging onto every sound I was creating. I enjoyed being able to lead them through the complex textures of genius. And of course, it wasn't perfect. Show me a perfect performance (do they even exist?!) That's ok. I figure, once you've made a mistake, you can't go back and fix it (unless you're repeating, then you can give it a second shot! But not the case here.). What was the point of stressing over it? Better make something good happen now and into the future.

Some friends, both from Academy and outside, came along, which was greatly appreciated. It was a great affirmation of what I'm doing (is on a positive track!) and a great opportunity to perform in a different context to what most of my friends have seen and heard, and heard about. One friend remarked, "I think that's the first time I've seen you play solo since about (his) first year..."! There you go. I felt so humbled that the audience were appreciative enough for me to take a second, rather awkward and embarrassed, bow....!

Figuring it out

2011-03-26T20:03:00.000+11:00

So a couple of weeks ago I was talking to one of the staff at ANAM about life at ANAM and stuff. She asked how I was going with it all and what not, and I told her my reflections on the first couple of weeks. All good.

She has this theory that it takes people about six months to figure out how to balance the amount of learning, the rate of learning, the learning material and everything else in-between. I have to admit that I was quietly confident that I'd have this down-pat, y'know? I totally did university and so much outside of it, and so much between university. Then I did the intern position last year and also did chamber music, and a job and other freelancing. Piece of cake, right?

Perhaps not.....and it's not that I'm finding it hard per se, but it's challenging and difficult in the best way. I've always been really bad at saying no to stuff (my friends will be the first people to admit for me that I have a nasty habit of saying yes to everything and overcommitting to stuff) and like doing lots of things to keep busy. I'm still learning (obviously VERY slowly) how to prioritise; and this year, I know that study is a serious top priority. I'm chipping away at it, and hopefully making some sort of progress!

Back to the practice room....I'm only one month into the six (and counting) of a steep learning curve....

36% hit rate

2011-03-10T23:12:00.000+11:00

My teacher asked me on Tuesday, "Are you getting 36% of the notes now?"
I think I could reply in the affirmative. Which is better than 35% so there WAS improvement!
My second lesson was pretty epic. I went in with three questions:
1. How do I play fff given my stature?
2. How do I play ppp without wimping out and the notes not coming out?
3. How do I practice (Beethoven violin sonata #7) broken octaves without getting RSI?

This amounted to about an hour and forty five minutes of lesson. We talked about physiology (including muscles and bones. Do they come under physiology?!?!), the physical nature of playing the piano, what it looks like, did various exercises that were quite physical (much like going to the gym - my thighs were sore!), levers (such as the elbow!), which largely amounted to "doing nothing". Whoever said that playing the piano was easy obviously didn't think so much about nothing.

So, my first ANAM concert for 2011. Or maybe just the first one ever!
It was pretty rad. Held in the Salon at the Melbourne Recital Centre, we only had about twenty minutes of soundcheck. Pretty scary considering:
a) The entire piece goes for about 30mins. So we weren't even going to play it all.
b) Wherever I go, it's pretty much never going to be the same instrument as the one (or several) that I practice on.
c) If you know about the acoustics of the MRC, you will know how finely tuned they are. You will know that you can hear everything very clearly.

And I'll admit - I was nervous. I usually am, admittedly. In some situations, such as the accompanist (I'm ok with the term), I'm the one that has to reassure the soloist. Other times, I'm the one stressing out big time. I arrived with plenty of time to spare - getting changed and putting some face on doesn't actually take that long. Nor does eating an apple and cracking open a book to get about one page further before others started arriving and it started getting pretty hectic. There was an electronic piano in one of the dressing rooms, but I rather thought finding my sitting bones and core might be more helpful.

So, the actual performance.
Incredible Floridas by Richard Meale is a six-movement work. Before each movement, some of the poetry by 19th century poet Arthur Rimbaud, that inspired Meale was read. I would be lying if I said that the music went perfectly. Quite the opposite in some parts. But guess what? It didn't matter - it was still effective and convincing. The music is incredibly colourful. Not least because the first movement actually contains (and even starts wish) some of the ensemble reciting the vowels and some associated colours in French. It was incredibly evocative.

The Salon, while scary, was incredibly beautiful to play in. What a venue. It's incredibly intimate - there is no difference between the audience and the performer. There is no raised stage and the seating is often very close up. We joked that they could've turned out pages for us. That would have been really helpful, actually! You can hear everything so clearly - this is a scary thing, but also amazing. The audience was so attentive in this concert; they loved it. Which pleasantly surprised me, really, as I have this conception that Australian music is often very difficult to sell. I played my little heart out - those fff sections were loud. Particularly in that acoustic. I was acutely aware of trying to incorporate some of the things I'd learnt in my lesson the previous day. Some things worked - my teacher even commented that he saw me playing further up on the keys for that particular Messian-like sounds for the beginning of the third movement! I noticed he sat on the side where he could see the piano. I was a tiny bit nervous, but less than I thought I'd be. I feel very much at ease and very reassured, so that's a really good thing!

My previous teacher also came along to the concert, as I found out after. It was wonderful to see that people came, and to see me (at least!)! She mentioned that she really enjoyed the use of silence. I reflected on this and I think I am becoming even more aware of silence, especially in the week and a half we had with this piece. There are a few moments where the pianist has these amazing solos that can be played fairly freely and I really enjoyed being able to create sections that were completely me. This is not to sound ego-centric or anything, but it was cool to be able to create certain sounds and an interpretation that was mine. Preserved for posterity on recording (oh no! Haha..) I also spied a bunch of ANAM people sitting along the back (comp tickets are wonderful!), and lots of the staff came too. The audience were so into it that we even went back out twice. Okay, silly I know - but there haven't been many performances where this was the reaction. Really quite overwhelming. It was lovely to have such positive feedback particularly from some of the staff in the last 24hrs. I was so determined to prove myself at this concert, given the strange nature of my admission.

I have been asked a few times in the last week or so, "How are you enjoying ANAM so far?" and I can say without hesitation, "I'm loving it". I love that the people who work there are so helpful and kind. I love that the people studying there are so talented and work hard. I love that the teachers are so experienced and encouraging. I love that I'm learning so much already and it's only week two. I love that I have a great teacher. I love that I'm getting back into playing all sorts of pianistic things. I love that I feel like I belong and that it's as if I'm meant to be studying there. So much to be thankful for.

Something new

2011-03-04T21:19:00.000+11:00

And so it began.
Monday 28 February. The 2011 students of the Professional Performance Programme at the Australian National Academy of Music descended on the South Melbourne Town Hall to be officially welcomed and to begin Reading Week full of rehearsals, seminars and information overload.
I didn't sleep so well on Sunday night - nerves got the better of me! What if I really don't belong there? What if I don't make any friends? What if I haven't prepared enough? What if my tram runs late? What if they've made a mistake of actually ADMITTING me?!?! So many things could go wrong.

And so much didn't go wrong!
I walked through the door and the lovely ladies were at the front, ready with a nametag as well as my locker key and electronic tag ready for me. So efficient! And they are so good - in the few weeks leading up to the start when I've been going in to practice, they've been helpful in finding me a room to practice, buzzing me through and answering all sorts of questions. All with a smile. And they already knew my name before I got there. So many people did. And if they didn't, they made a point of asking and introducing themselves. Seriously, that made me feel so welcome. It made me feel like I belong already; like I'm meant to be there.

I had been given seven pieces to look at for Reading Week. I came to realise that this is actually quite a lot, considering that one of my violinist friends had two. There are three pianists at ANAM this year and we'll have guests come in to for various projects. That probably explains why we have so much on our plate! All my music is actually really cool, as I'm learning (at various rates!).
In no particular order, this week I had:
Malcolm Williamson's Concerto for Wind Instruments and Two Pianos (Eight Hands)
Paul Stanhope's Songs for the Shadowland (for oboe, clarinet, horn, bassoon, piano & soprano)
Beethoven: Trio Op. 70 No. 1 ('Ghost') [relearning with different people]; Violin Sonata No. 7 in c minor & Cello Sonata No. 5 in D Major [relearning after several years]
Richard Meale's Incredible Floridas - for concert in the MRC Salon NEXT WEEK! This is a pretty complex piece, with violin (doubling on viola), cello, flute (picc/alto flute. Amazing AFlute solo in the final movt), clarinet (E flat/b.cl), percussion (lots of it!) and piano.
Britten's Jamaican Rumba, which I get to play with my teacher!

So the point of Reading Week was just that - read through stuff and get used to playing with different people. It was exciting to meet so many people also this week - 50 and a bit of us, of whom I only really knew a handful. Some readings were far more successful than others. Because the Meale is for performance next week, we had two sessions of rehearsals. The incredible Paul Dean is conducting us; I feel so privileged to be taught and to work with so many amazing musicians - teachers and students alike. We have several more hours of Meale next week to pull it all together, which will be a difficult task but rewarding. The piece is complex; it doesn't sound tonal at all - I'm struggling to find a tonal centre, really. The rhythms are complex (much subdivision into 3, 5, 7, triplets within triplets. Other things like that) and the time changes into many obscure things so often! However, it is so satisfying to feel parts of it coming together already. It's a colourful work and so we aren't allowed to wear all black next week!

We also had some information sessions and met all the staff and most of the teaching faculty. They all were very helpful and it's so evident to me that ANAM is a tightly run organisation with really clear ideas of how it works and how each department manages things and works with the others. The vision of so many things is across a long period of time (for example, working on programming for six months!) and it's otherwise not clear to us just how hard these people work and how we're involved in the whole scheme of things. This year centres around us being "Fearless ambassadors. Australian Voices. Our place." There are so many exciting projects this year! I'm looking forward to them all. There was also a seminar on 'Effective Practice'. It was amazing to listen to four members of faculty (including the Artistic Director), who are all amazing established and wonderful musicians in their own right in addition to being fantastic teachers, talk about their own experiences about learning how to practice. And let me say, they weren't always perfect. They're human, they learnt many things in their time. And they were adamant that they wanted to teach us how to do it effectively, without hurting ourselves and for it to be productive and helpful. One of the things that my teacher said that really struck me was that they, as teachers, were there to teach us, the students, how to teach ourselves. That is practice. And they also admitted some things that seem like big taboo subjects to talk about. One was that some days of practice will just be bad, and one cannot expect that yesterday's experience will be the same as today's, nor tomorrow's. It was really comforting to know that these amazing people have had that experience and are realistic about expectations of themselves, and of their students.

I had my first lesson with my new teacher yesterday. I was (am) having a bit of trouble with the Meale, as it is quite complex; the rhythms are all over (my rhythm actually sucks) and the notes are all a bit messy. I admitted that I think I have maybe a 35% hit rate and my teacher said that we could just work on it for half an hour and he could give me ways to think about it and practice it. Even if it would make it a little better to 36%, that would be better. I admitted that I was nervous about having a lesson, because I haven't really had a piano lesson in two years, but he said that was ok. And he was so kind and gentle; there was nothing scary. He was helpful and forgiving. We spent about half an hour looking at about three bars. We set the metronome, we clapped, counted out loud, and tried it out multiple times. And it was really good. I was so encouraged and reassured!

I thankfully had most of Friday to myself. It had been a hectic week for me - almost all the reading sessions in the week (which were an hour and a half long) were full for me, all but one repeat had new works! It was nice to have a little bit of time to practice for myself and to take it a little easier. They were kind - they specifically didn't schedule much for me!

And so ends the first week at ANAM. I've had to pinch myself several times a day to prove that I'm awake and that it's all happening. I still can't quite believe it. I look down at my keys and see my 2011 ANAM keyring (which gets me discounts woohoo!) and the electronic tag. I think that's when you know you belong - you're given access to the buildling! I see so many talented people around me and still ask what I'm doing here, but then remember that I'm one of them too. I've been struck by how genuine everybody is and their generosity. I've been given this amazing opportunity to learn and I'm going to grab it with both hands, embrace if and run.

And I think we're going to be well-fed with lots of sugary goodness this year!

There's no such thing

2011-02-21T20:38:00.000+11:00

However much I say to myself, "Next year will be not so (insert some expression of rest or self-pacing here)", I somehow find myself in all sorts of circumstances that only seem to be escalating in excitement and busy-ness.
I'm currently reading Stephen Fry's autobiography The Fry Chronicles and have just passed a bit where he talks about his inability to say no and how much of a workaholic he is. I have to admit that I was nodding away as I read:
"To this day I am often reminded by those about me that I don't have to say yes to everything and that there are such things as holidays. I don't believe them, of course, no matter how many times they assure me it is true." (The Fry Chronicles, by Stephen Fry. Penguin Group p321)

I also realise that I probably have not cited this properly. So much for academic writing and five years at university....!

Having said that, I did really enjoy my summer holiday, when I managed to convince myself that it was okay to take a holiday and not feel guilty about it.

But this year is gearing up to be a big year. I find myself about to launch into full-time study again, in a very specific discipline - one that seems obvious to so many people around me, but in which the process is so foreign also to the many people around me. This is not to say that they don't care or don't take an interest but perhaps that it is largely misunderstood or is perceived in quite a different way to how I actually experience it. And unfortunately I can't describe it.

I keep thinking that I have something to prove. But those who know this world reassure me that I don't really. Not in the way that I keep thinking that what I do isn't good enough or that other people around me are just so much more amazing that I will have trouble keeping up. I'm constantly reminded that I'm there to learn as much as I can and to do what I do. And that if they didn't want me at all, they wouldn't have even given me a second look. So remind me this year, please - learn and absorb like a sponge. And if it gets to the other extreme, where I have a seriously inflated view of myself - please somebody, slap me around the head many times. I refuse to let that happen and may need some help keeping it in check.

It has been an enjoyable almost-month in this city. There are free summer events, and friends to catch up with. I have thankfully been able to enjoy both to some degree of success. So much has changed that sometimes it feels awkward to be doing all this stuff, and sometimes you just have to leave the circumstances out of your control. And sometimes it all works out for the better, and to pleasantly surprise us.

As discussed with various friends and most recently on Saturday evening, I really do consider myself an introvert. You may see a different view; I suspect you see it either because you are a close friend or you see me interacting with good friends. But for those people, I am very fortunate, blessed and thankful.

I realised last year that my rate of walking had significantly slowed in comparison to previous years. Maybe that was a deliberate result of a decision made at the end of 2009 to stop and smell the roses more in 2010. I still don't think I really know how many I sniffed, nor what they really smell like. I'm not sure if there's the opportunity to do that this year; I think most stuff will be flying at me in a whizz of colours and shapes that may or may not be identifiable. Things change. 2011 is surely going to be one of those. I urge you now to fasten your seatbelt if you're taking this journey with me!

For this rambling post of weird thoughts, I apologise. The next one may be more concrete. Key word there is 'may'. No guarantees.

It's a different life (also another old post that should've gone up a while ago)

2011-02-17T22:41:00.000+11:00

And my holidays at home went *just like that*!
Highlights included:
summer reading
watching much TV (especially summer sport) on a new, very large, digital TV (so many channels!)
chilling out with the family
playing some games (especially Boggle, where I beat dad - I've never before beat dad!)
home-cooked food!
a very well-stocked fridge and pantry
not being worried about mice
everything being super-clean
going for walks
eating ice-cream (and also hearing the ice-cream truck around our street)
the very random discussions with family (eg. What meat/animal would you not eat? What do you like to order when you go out for a meal?)
sleeping
being able to borrow a very large amount of books from the music library owing to the fact that mum is a staff member at the uni :P
catching up with a couple of friends

And although I love being in Melbourne, and there are so many friends and wonderful things to do, I really also enjoy being at home. I love being able to relax and completely chill out. Being in the city compels me to be productive, to do something with my time, to fill my time with activities or work.

I had a very strange flight back though. It was delayed by a lot - thanks E for waiting for the longest time!! So patient...
And then there were two failed attempts at landing, because the plane was trying to land at the same time as the large southerly passing through the city. It was very bumpy...but at least I got some food on the plane. Yes, it is plane food, but it is exciting to get it after travelling lots on budget airlines where you have to pay for it separately.
And Qantas is now seriously cutting down on their staff: now not only do you check yourself in at the kiosk, you also print your baggage tags, and also affix them all yourself, and then bag drop by yourself! I was not particularly enthused...

There are boxes still in the living room, much to my disgust (at myself, that is). I felt unsettled for a few days, but am beginning to enjoy it more now that there is somebody else around!

All good things must come to an end, so I guess I should stop hoping that I will suddenly have the chance to have a big new TV in the lounge, that the pantry and fridge will be magically (!) restocked by my parents, that things will just be clean because mum works so hard to do it, or that the summer will last forever. My final year at university was spent wondering where the time had gone, and feeling unsettled about how the year had started without me, even in May and even in October. It's time to get a grip and get aboard the rollercoaster ride that will be 2011!

The curse of the TV (an old post that I thought maybe should go up)

2011-02-17T22:22:00.000+11:00

For those of you that know me, or even if you don't, you may know (or suspect) that music takes up so much of my time, and always has. Probably at the detriment of sport. I've never been a sporty sort of person. I was always the last kid picked on school teams. Or maybe the second last, at best. While other kids spent Saturday mornings playing hockey or soccer or football, or there were netball trainings and matches after school and on the weekend (though I will admit that I did go to netball training for a little while, I think I might have even played a couple of times?!?!), I was busy having music lessons, or in high school, at rehearsals for choir or orchestra or band or something like that.

However, I will admit that I really quite enjoy watching a healthy dose of sport. That's emphasis on WATCHING, not participating in. Just after Christmas, we bought a new TV. It is big and fancy, and the definition is pretty extraordinary. Paritcularly after years of our trust analogue TV that wasn't quite wide enough when broadcasting moved to the wide screen format. At the moment, there is tennis. There was (and also still is?) some cricket. I used to think that cricket was the world's most boring thing - like watching grass grow. And somehow, after years of persistence, I have grown to enjoy it. So much that I have paid to go see it live.

My father and brother have always enjoyed soccer, so there's been a healthy dose of that too.
Come the Olympics or Commonwealth Games (or other similarly large sporting event), I usually tune in with great enthusiasm. I find myself reading the sports news (when I usually give it little more than a passing glance) to keep up with the latest results and happenings. When the Rugby (union) World Cup came to Australia (and that group with South Africa and England in it was in Perth) I avidly watched the matches.

So my point here is not to glorify sport, or otherwise. It is merely to point out any fallacy that may exist in thinking that this classical pianist (slash economist) only cares about the languishing state of the arts (another discussion and debate in itself) in this country. The attraction of such an incredible TV is overwhelming that every summer (and sometimes, winter) that I am at home is spent languidly enjoying hours on the couch looking at the screen.

Summer Edition #2: Feet matters

2011-01-15T02:22:00.000+11:00

Our feet do a lot of work. Every time we want to get somewhere, the majority of us will use our feet to take us there. Walking, cycling, even standing up on the train or tram (if necessary) all require us to use our feet.

I reckon that one of the ways that you can tell a good piano player from a bad one (among other ways) is to look at their feet. Yes, that's right - both of them. Not just that right one that does that thing where it either sounds rich and sonorous or muddy and confused. In the about one to one and a half inches so that constitute the right pedal are a million different colours - not just default 'on' and 'off' settings. I think this is still one of the many things I'm learning, and looking forward to exploring this year. After seeing the Atos Trio in Melbourne last year, I left abuzz with goals swimming around in my head of what I wanted to work on re. piano technique in the coming year. One was "judicious use of pedals". Yes, I did think of the word "judicious".

Until my first year at university, I had never really used the pedal on the left. On a grand piano, this shifts the keyboard over in a really cool mechanism such that the hammers only hit two of the strings, rather than the usual three. On an upright, which we own at home, this is not quite the dynamic process that the grand offers - why would a young learner be quite so excited about a non-dynamic process that was unseen, and inside the piano? A discussion about pedals arose in one piano class in that first year. The coordinator for piano was taking the class as usual, and one of the things that stuck in my mind was his pointing out the use of this left pedal. What is this pedal, and why was it so important, I wondered. He talked about changing the colours, and how this is an important pedal - one that should not be overlooked at all! And he talked about how our two feet should always be engaged, ready to utilise these metal bits sticking out the bottom of our instrument. Since then, I'm not sure how I ever did without the left one. I'm beginning to suspect I still don't understand how it works - I suppose that falls into the category of "Judicious use of pedals".

My question is this: if the right pedal has a million possibilities because of the millions of 'positions' the pedal can be in (ie. depth), does the left one do too? Thoughts and opinions appreciated.

Anyway, back to feet.

A few years ago on a Sunday, I did this large day of practice, split into several sessions. Afterwards, I painfully endured walking. The large amount of practice obviously entailed a large amount of contact of the round, curvaceous metal of the pedal in the same spots of my feet for hours. Females, you know that pain on the balls of your feet when you have worn your heels for far too long? And the crying out to stop and rest your weary feet? It was like that. And again, self-inflicted and oh-so-satisfying. Except for the pain, obviously.

I admit that I like practicing in bare feet. There's something really organic about the touch of playing the piano. I used to think that I was really a docile child; my friend pointed out several years ago when we were out at lunch that she noticed that I fiddled a lot. After completeing our lunch, our plates cleared, I would often play with the leftover napkin, or the salt and pepper shakers, or the table number. If not, I'm drum my fingers on the table. My hands are restless. I fidget endlessly. Some part of me has to move. I find it hard to stay still - most of the time. Practicing is a tactile thing for me too. The wood of the piano keys under my fingers and the cold (then warm!) metal of the pedals underfoot. In the winter, or in particularly cool rooms, it's with socks. Which brings me to two points.

The first is this: a few years ago (probably on that particular Sunday of great pain), I discovered that the soles of my feet go a grey/green at the point of contact. Does this happen to anybody else? Is this a reaction of my skin (which may or may not be sweaty, eew...sorry!) and the metal?

The second concerns socks. Ah, the humble sock. You know the various suspects lurking in your drawers: the humble white ones, the ones you never have to wear again for school (eg. the knee highs if you went to a boys' school, the foldover white ones if you went to a girls' school), the ones with lots of cushioning, the ones you were given by an aunt/distant great-aunt/random family friend, the ones with the really cool pattern that you'll hang on to even though they've got holes in them (and no, I don't mean the big hole that you fit your foot into). I can't admit to being a big sock wearer. My shoe choices are very limited; in fact, I really dislike shopping for shoes - I'm too picky. Anyway, in the context of playing the piano, the point of contact of foot and pedal is the ball of the foot - wtih sock inbetween. Dear pianist friends, do you find that your socks also wear away at this point at an alarming rate? Do you find that you feel the inside of your shoe when walking about, wondering why this is so - only to find you have little holes at the balls of your feet? And I suppose if you were fastidious that you always wear the same sock on the same foot (if you had a way of identifying how to do so) - would you find that a larger hole eroding its way through the cotton (or whatever material) of your right foot?

While we're at socks, I might as well extrapolate a little. Shoes. Finding the right shoes to play the piano in.
Thin soles. Black (functionality). Comfortable. Presentable. Maybe a little bit showy. Flat used to be a pre-requisite; that is, until 10 June 2010, when I purchased a pair of black Wittner heels to play in a concert the following evening because my black flats were totally wrecked.
So, you get the idea. It's hard. I'm picky.
And usually, they're so comfortable (or at least functional - black!! How many times have you seen me in an outfit that does not include any black?) that I wear them everywhere. Thus, the lifespan of such shoes is severely shortened.

And one could extrapolate even further to the subject of trousers (or pants, whatever you want to call them). A friend once apologised for asking this random question: Do you find that the knees of your pants, or jeans, are seriously displaced?
For the amounts of time spent sitting down to practice, yes, my jeans don't quite keep the shape they're suppose to and yes, the knees of my jeans end up far below where my actual kneecaps actually are. How awkward.

Green soles (that may or may not have indentations). Hanging knees. This job really is full of occupational hazards from the waist down!

Summer Edition #1

2011-01-08T01:14:00.000+11:00

I'm not sure how many summer editions there will be, but we'll see.
Having stayed up all night was amusing - I was determined to make it through the next day. However, my willpower is not that strong - the afternoon was spent napping. Haha. Oh well.

The summer so far has been fairly uneventful. I find that living in Melbourne, so close to the city and public transport, compels me to do stuff. Apart from overcommitting (which I am admitting to myself!) and rushing here and there - however much I enjoy it - I still feel obliged to take advantage of all the city has to offer. Even if it's just wandering around by myself, killing some time in-between appointments. For all of pains, uncomfort, tardiness, unreliability and who-knows-what, I do quite enjoy venturing out on public transport (read: only trams and trains) to different areas and checking them out. Okay, only in the daytime. Still. I know I have spent a large amount of hours probably doing next to nothing (read: listening to music, attempting to learn music, looking out the window, people-watching, falling asleep etc), it often is a good time to do just that: (next to) nothing! I enjoy the downtime that commuting offers, even though I always have that niggling feeling that this is time that could be more effectively spent. I'm pretty sure if I didn't have the downtime, I wouldn't take it. It might as well be in full view of my fellow commuters.

Perth, however, is a very different story. I'm quite happy to spend most of time chilling out at home. Doing....well, not much also. Or maybe lots of other stuff. These six weeks are about resting after a big year, getting rested as much as possible before another big year, catching up with some people, forward planning and practicing new repertoire! I find sleep much more indulgent at home - I often don't have to physically be anywhere - that is, go out of the house - and this is highly conducive to sleeping in! I wonder why I can't take my go-get-it attitude on the plane with me when I come home! It is nice to read the paper every day again though, even if it adds a significant amount of time to my breakfast routine. The crossword and the circuit breaker have again become my morning brain exercise - some days more succesful than others!

There is much practice to be done; it is getting there! I'm glad to have sorted out through some of the proposed repertoire, and decided to keep some, decided to discard some. So far, there is some Bach (including my weekly P&F project), Mozart, LOTS of Beethoven (concerto, trios, piano sonatas, violin sonata, cello sonata, quintet pending) and Debussy. Still in the wings is perhaps more Debussy, Schubert, Ligeti, Rachmaninoff, Haydn and some others. I think it's going to be a very large year.
And don't worry - there will be a VERY healthy does of collaborative piano. I would never give that up. I think it's one of the things that I enjoy the MOST!

The diary (read: note dairy, as this blog has previously stated in another year!) is filling up quickly! I'm coming home in April to play in a concert at my old school for current and previous staff in the school's 90th year. Another concert in May which looks like a super-busy week of Piano Festival!

We bought a new TV just after Christmas. I don't think it was just one of those 'Let's give ourselves a Christmas present' sort of buys; my family has been looking to upgrade for a while. We finally welcomed a HD TV, along with digital TV (!!) and a new piece of furniture into our house. Of course, this meant some farewells, of the trusty old 20" analog. But now - WOW! The options are so numerous. It is still quite a novelty to me, as I barely watch TV during the year, owing to time constraints, and in particular for last year - the lack of TV in our flat!

Throughout last year, I had started a list of things I wanted to do in 2011; sort of like a list of resolutions, thoughts and goals. When so much changed, so much of it was rendered a little impossible for this year. Oh well. There is still lots to look forward to.
And still lots that I'm so nervous, anxious about and approaching with trepidition.
What will change this year???

The windup

2010-12-18T01:25:00.000+11:00

My last week or so in Melbourne was full of fun things, and really quite a wonderful way to end such an intense year. We had our last concert for Opera Studio, which was fantastic. It really was wonderful to see the growth of the singers across the year. I remember feeling very nervous and intimidated when I first got to Opera School; I remember being overwhelmed with so many new faces and people to meet. And now, after living in each other's space for a ten months, it felt weird to part from them, and to know that we weren't going to be seeing each other every day. It was like deja vu as we stood around having some supper - it was just like morning tea on the very first day! Except now I knew everybody (rather than just three people or so...) and they were comforting, supporting and loving faces. I will admit that I will miss the fun things we do at Opera School; I will definitely miss the people very much. But time passes, we enjoy and take as much as we can from experiences and move on to the next thing, whatever it may be.

I lived in some friends' house for the first two weeks of December as my rental contract finished at the end of November. I remembered again why I hate living in temporary accommodation - the packing, the unpacking, the packing, the unpacking!!! I really can't wait until I have my own house. Permanent. Bliss! The friends in this house were very generous, and much fun to live with, even as a temporary housemate. Couldn't complain about the location either - right next to the church, one minute from the tram line. Particularly convenient, as I had a few rehearsals for Carols, as well as for MYO. To tell you the truth, it didn't really feel like holidays until Sunday evening, when these were all over; but it did feel good to be keeping busy, doing things that I enjoy. There was even a bit of time to catch up with some people (though not enough time to catch up with everybody. There never is, is there?). There was a wander to Brunswick Rd to meet up with a friend of my aunt's (who is an opera singer!) and to peruse a few shops. There are some excellent, exciting discoveries to be made there!

After one rehearsal, we drove out to a friend's house, which was 'open'. Not in the sense of they were selling their house, but that their doors were open to friends and family. It was a very pleasant evening, tinged with all sorts of emotions.

There was a friendly Unichurch vs. City on a Hill soccer match; I thought I'd head along - not much else to do on that evening, and I perhaps thought I'd feel even the tiniest bit more sporty just by WATCHING soccer. Right? We had to make sure that the girls sitting on the sidelines in support of our male friends and acquaintances did not act in a particularly girly way. Example: when ball comes flying at us, not to scream. Instead, stay calm and dodge ball in a relaxed and cool manner. The first half was dominated by CoaH, but Unichurch did well in the second half stepped up their game and scored a goal! It was terribly exciting - we were worried that the result was going to be a goal-less draw. Our enjoyment of being in the lead was fairly short-lived as CoaH scored an equaliser goal. Not long after that, Unichurch had the real opportunity for a winning goal. Unfortunately, one of our players collided into the goalpost and required some fairly urgent medical attention (which did not come for nearly two hours, I'm told). The ensuing photos that appeared on Facebook of the injury were quite disturbingly bloody but incited great fascination! Maybe it's a good thing that there was a draw then.

Carols on Carlton was fantastic - I'd never done a St Jude's carols event before, so it was exciting to be part of it. I still felt pretty shaky going into it even though we'd had a few (long!) rehearsals. Of course, this was a big event and there was a large band to suit the occasion. It was good to be playing with some regular faces (even in different roles!), as well as some others from different congregations. The rehearsals increased in intensity as we neared the day and realised that we had a lot of work to do! We played 21 songs, which is quite a lot, really. Given the estimation of our leader extraordinaire of allocating two hours for four songs (or perhaps more easily put, half an hour or so per song), we should have rehearsed for 10.5hrs. I'm not sure whether we did. Or maybe we did in total, but begs the question of what the most effective way to rehearse is. Is it more effective to spend a concentrated half hour on each song, or to spend the time in a more fragmented way across weeks? I've just read part of Dan Ariely's The Upside of Irrationality which talks about adaptation and how we can apply that to periods of enjoyment (and how to maximise it) and periods of pain (and how to minimise it) given that humans are quite adaptable beings. This has got me thinking about effective use of time. There was lots of to-ing and fro-ing on the #1 tram, which still made me late for stuff, but I suppose you can't make the trams go any faster than they already do. I can't believe we did the entire set for the soundcheck (this happened to be quite a theme for the weekend) - when we got to the actual thing, I wasn't sure if I had enough energy to sustain through it all again! But the excitement of the whole night gives one energy, and we had a fantastic time doing it all again. There were some surprises, but otherwise, it was all tight. And I was quite impressed by everybody's touch of red :) It was a pleasant evening - lovely to see so many people - some friends from Unichurch, some friends of Unichurch (and ex-Unichurchers), others from St Jude's, and people from the community. The children who danced at the very front put a big smile on my face! Two friends even came by just to check it out for a little bit, which was cool.

Following the night, all hands were on deck to help bump-out. After this year of Opera School, I have definitely seen all the large equipment that goes into making things like this possible, and the testament to many hands make light work! Of course, much of the equipment is quite heavy and highly unsuitable for me to be moving or lifting; I therefore asked for 'helpful girly jobs'. After helping out as much as we could, a little bunch of us went to get pizza. Yum. So satisfying. There's something about downing hot tasty pizza after a long day with friends. (That's eating pizza with friends, and a long day with friends.) Oh, and definitely a cold drink to wash it down with :)

The next day was another busy one; MYO's final concert! I had been looking forward to this concert since the end of last year - on the programme was Dvorak's Carnival Overture, Saint-Saens' Carnival of the Animals and Stravinsky's Petrushka. I had agreed to play in the Stravinsky and to cancel pretty much everything else that may crop up in order to do it! The rehearsals had gone quite well and I was feeling pretty confident about it; I had practiced this part intensely for a little while. But today was the heat intensifying - ABC Classic FM recorded it, so there was that added pressure of it being preserved forever! And there was an audience - who paid to come! So, trying not to freak out, I did it. I remember thinking while playing, "Just get on with the job, you can totally do it!" I did enjoy much of it - perhaps apart from the high-pressure sections. And then there are large sections of tacet that I can sit back and relax and just listen to the music!

After that, I felt more on holidays. Apart from a few meetings the next day. Hah. Holidays?
The first meeting I had was about work next year. Unfortunately, not terribly exciting and unfortunately, possibly a little demeaning. Oh well. I'm just trying to suck it up, and just get on with it. I can't say that I'm looking forward to it extremely much at the present, particularly in comparison to what other things I'll be doing (!!!) but I think the way to get through it is just to suck it up. And to take heart that I'll be living in an area that I like (including close to my church and shops, and some friends), it's one tram to the Academy and that my flatmate will be a good friend of mine.

My other meeting involved me meeting my new piano teacher for next year! I anticipated that it'd take about half an hour. However, an hour and a half later was when we wrapped up the meeting. I had gone in with some thoughts, but came out with three more pages of suggestions, listening ideas and technical exercises. One of the most exciting discussions was about my concerto for the concerto competition. Can I just note here that he (my teacher) has only heard me play twice - once in the chamber competition heat, and the second in my audition, when I played the same piece, and one bit of sight-reading. And somehow, he knew what I'd like. We talked about Beethoven (which I'll be playing lots of next year!), and I slipped in a segueway about my proposed concerto. He said, "I know which one!" and he was right. Exactly right. Uncanny, really. So, now I have a VERY large pile of books to look through and decide what I'd like to play. I'm impressed with the significant level of autonomy I'm being given in what I'd like to learn. It's strangely and incredibly liberating! A photo may come sometime to show this big pile.

A bunch of us went out for dinner at Shanghai Dumpling that night. I don't think anybody really anticipated that there would be about sixteen people sharing this banquet. I had heard about this banquet from friends across time, but this was my first experience of it. And yes, they just kept bringing out food. Wow. I was well and truly stuffed. And of course, after that feed, we needed to go for a drink. I have to admit that I was getting annoyed that I was part of one of those groups of peopel who wander around the city looking for somewhere to have a beverage! We finally went somewhere that was open a bit later on a Monday night (!) and stayed for a little while to enjoy some friendly company. My flight was the following day, very early (at 6.30am!), so I had considered not going to bed at all. To my great surprise, a few friends were willing to stay up all night, for the amusement factor. We stayed at the bar until they kicked us out, we tried to go to what we thought was a 24hr Pancake Parlour in the city (and failed), and then went home to hang out for another few hours until I had to leave for the airport! I was well and thoroughly amused at the longevity of the night and its fun stuff.

We watched the sun rise as we drove to the airport. I made it onto the plane and back home to Perth safely. This summer was supposed to be just a time to rest; I think it will also be a time to learn lots of music (!!) and absorb some sun. I always have the first week of feeling a little panicked about not being around the friends that I see everyday, or every week, but they say absence makes the heart grow fonder. I hope this is true of this summer.

twist and turns and stories

2010-12-06T00:04:00.001+11:00

This time last year was one where I reflected on how many tears had been shed in those recent months, and how all was uncertain.
And this year, I felt pretty similar. With perhaps more tears over more months. But maybe just excuse how teary I can get, though not often in public.
And 2010 found a way of working itself out. After Plan A didn't materialise, Plan B was discarded long before, and Plan C was non-existant from the beginning.

A few months ago, the job of Trainee Repetiteur with the English National Opera was advertised. I had seen this link when somebody shared it on Facebook. I sort of read it, and thought 'Oh, that's great. But totally not me.'
The artistic director of Opera Studio thought otherwise, though, and forwarded the link to me, and strongly encouraged me to apply. I had nothing to lose anyway, right? And if I actually got it, wouldn't it be cool to spend six months working in London?! Nevermind that it was to start in January 2011 (two months notice of leaving everything?!) and that it would be the dead of winter; nevermind that I don't think I have enough money to live in London for six months! Still, an opportunity to apply should never be missed!
Can I just say, I'd never written a job application before in my entire life. Up to this day, I still have not had a job interview in my entire life, all 23 years and six months or so of it.

I set to work writing a cover letter, pulling together my CV and what nots. I had lots of help from some lovely generous people who took the time to read my material over and suggest changes. I spent about half an hour on the phone with my mother the night before I emailled it off, making sure all of it was perfect!

I didn't know why they were advertising: was it because they had somebody in mind, and legal requirements stipulate that one must advertise the position in any case? Or it's a new job that's been created? Or did they have a vacancy to fill? Or they wanted to see if there was any interest in the job anyway?
These we will never know.

I found out a week later that I didn't get it.
I wasn't terribly disappointed - I mean, it would have been exciting to go (!!!!) but at the same time, I was quite relieved, as the idea of moving to London in such a short frame of time was quite daunting.

I had talked to my old piano teacher for an hour just after I sent my application to ask her advice about teachers, summer schools, further study options and the like. She was very helpful, and very encouraging. She said that the most important thing was not to take the whole 'career-choosing' and stuff too seriously. She had many suggestions, many people she suggested to contact, and spelled out lots of things for me.

However, the next story is longer. Possibly much longer. But I shall try to keep it as concise as possible.

About two and a half weeks ago, I played the Smetana trio with two friends in the ANAM Chamber Music Competition heat. We had been rehearsing intensely for about three weeks; it helped that the cellist and I had already played it together (even though we changed some things this time around), and that it is one of the pieces that the violinist loves the most, so that really helped it all! We had a few tutorials, which were very helpful too.
Anyway, so after playing, which went ok (we weren't in the finals, that's ok. Some bits were amazing, some bits not quite so amazing..) the panel asked to speak to me. They asked how old I was, and whether I had ever thought about applying for the Academy. They asked what my plans were for next year, and what I was currently doing. I answered these all honestly, making sure I slipped in that I love chamber music, but that I haven't had a piano lesson in two years. Strengths and weaknesses, right?!
So, at the end of that, they strongly encouraged me to seriously consider applying for the Academy's programme for 2011 and taht if I was seriously interested, to get in touch formally to apply officially and they would set up an audition.

So I agonised a little that weekend, and thought that I had nothing to lose. If I audition and was successful, I would go to the Academy in 2011, and do their programme, and pretty much do what I was hoping to do in 2011, just in a formalised and structured environment. And without having to go and find all the opportunities myself necessarily. If I wasn't successful, I'd just be in the same position as I was that day - just going to do what I was going to do in 2011. Nothing to lose. I talked to several friends to get their opinions, and they all were very encouraging, which was helpful.

So, the following week, I went in for my audition on about one day's notice. I don't think I played particularly well, but I think my interview was at least entertaining! It really was quite an exceptional circumstance of the entire process. I didn't feel particularly enthusiastic about my chances after the audition, but I could only wait and hope, right?

One week and a day later, I got a phone call from the student manager lady and I have been offered a place in the Professional Performance Programme for 2011! I have since accepted, but the news is still sinking in, three days later. I'm still in shock. I was surprised from the very beginning, to be honest. I was surprised that they were so interested in my playing that they wanted to speak to me. I was surprised that they strongly encouraged me to apply. I was surprised that they were so willing to accommodate my recent learning history (like, not much?!). I was surprised that they wanted me to come!!!!

That afternoon, I started letting people know - those who knew what a confused two weeks I had, and those who were the most supportive and encouraing through the entire process! One friend promptly called as soon as I sent her a message and was so excited that she was jumping up and down. At that moment, I thought I should be excited too, and started jumping up and down myself!

I am still surprised, but also excited. I am also really nervous. There is a little bit of me that feels like I need to prove myself - to prove that they made the right decision to admit me. To show that I am capable of it. That I'm good enough to be there. That I am different and interesting and able to contribute and learn so much. I've always thought that the people there seem so self-assured and confident; I sure don't feel like that. Maybe I'll be able to at least give off that vibe by the end of my first month there! There are so many things to think about now - what repertoire, what I want to achieve, perhaps even who I'd like to play with (if I get a choice?!). I suppose it means it changes some other things too. Like current ensembles - to what extent can one keep those up? How will the Academy change me? (I'm hoping all for the better!)

I think my job will still be do-able concurrently with the Academy. The job is not time-intense, for the most part and I think will provide some contrast to what I do during the greater part of the day. I have found that teaching this year has been a great pleasure and privilege, to be able to shape these students and to (hopefully positively!) impact their learning. I have been blessed with such wonderful, talented and motivated students this year - I am very sad that most of them are leaving! I think also having some geographical separation will be good - I know time is a limited asset, but I think having some sort of enforced downtime will be good for me, and being able to have some distinct boundaries that mean it is not all of my life. I have learned that I never really switch off my music brain anyway, that it constantly ticks.

Earlier this year, a friend asked how I was going, and as I started to tell her that I was busy, that there was some friction in some relationships and that I wasn't feeling particularly connected to many friends, I broke down completely. Yes, in a fairly public place. Much to my horror!
And that's one of the things I have felt that I have lacked this year - in all of its excitingness and busyness, I have not been able to give as much time as I hoped to certain people. She pointed out that this was ok, and a really normal part of life - everybody's moving in that stage where it does get busy, and that relationships that were formally very close could still be close, just not as frequent and intense. I was struggling because I felt my relationships were not close, and not frequent nor intense!

I had made a resolution that 2011 was going to have more time to give to other people. I'm not so sure how that is going to work now. Maybe it's about efficiency. Or maybe I will have some time. I'm pretty sure what I'll be doing for the greater part of the day, though, will be the things I had this year had to put after hours. Which I think will be a bit of a relief, physically and mentally. I have realised this year that my body is really not keeping up with my anticipated energy expectations of myself. My coffee addiction has increased infinitely since last year. (Infinitely being mathematically correct, not just as a description, as my coffee intake last year was zero.)

I think there's this quote somewhere (that I obviously cannot remember much of...) that goes along the lines of 'in reaching everywhere, we search to find nothing'. Clearly not a real proverb of much help.
But it really feels like I have done so much exciting stuff this year, but the friendships I used to enjoy have changed so significantly in the last year. Sure, there were friends who are excited for me, for so many reasons. And I appreciate them so much. But this time last year, they wouldn't have all been the first people I called. It's funny how it's changed so much. It seemed like I had so much to tell but nobody who might've been the right person to really celebrate ALL the highs of this year with.

A number of years ago, I did the Myers-Briggs personality test with the result of INFJ. I re-took it this year, and came up with ISTJ, I think. Maybe I've had an identity crisis! But I have always considered myself an introvert; maybe Myers-Briggs agrees with me. Many of my friends would have said otherwise.
But it's ok to just have a few really close friends. Maybe that's what I haven't realised yet.

I go into 2011 with excitement about the (unknown!) plans that are in store for me. But I also proceed with nervousness. About what the year will bring, the surprises that will inevitably pop up, the people who I will care most about, the people with whom I'll share my greatest fears and most exciting news, the struggles and frustrations of being limited by so many things.
But I think the only way to overcome all those is to embrace it all with enthusiasm and vigour. I'm pretty sure I don't know any other way.

Until then, I look forward to the summer holiday I shall have relaxing and recovering from this year, and to refresh myself for the next. There is Stravinsky to perform (which I'm terribly excited about!) and carols to play, and friends to catch up with.

And Plan A eventually materialised, even if it was one year later. I hope Jeff Borland would be proud of me!

I ask for your forgiveness in my excessive thoughts which are always of a random nature. And offer my congratulations if you got all the way to the end.

It's been quite a year....

2010-11-26T19:57:00.002+11:00

...but it's not quite over yet.
There is still another week and a bit of Opera Studio left, along with some performances of Hansel & Gretel, as well as a final concert.
There is Carols on Carlton, and MYO still to go.
And somehow, in the next four days I'm supposed to be moving out of my room.
They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I've always said this too. But at the moment, I'm not sure if I'm any stronger.
I've sometimes been told this year, "You look tired." I'm pretty sure this isn't a compliment; more of a general observation of truth and honesty. And they're right. I wonder if it's worrying, that it's so evident across my face.
I do sometimes try to put on another face; sometimes it's not that easy.
There are some people I'd happily bear my soul to. But sometimes the people that you're closest to are the people that you find it the hardest to tell.
I do reflect and am so thankful for the things that have happened this year, including making some fantastic friends, pushing the boundaries, being independant of so many things (however scary it is every time), and having some of the most amazing opportunities pretty much given to me, ready to take and see what happens.
Sure, they don't all turn out as hoped all the time, or even in the way one expects, but most of the time it's about the journey.
And of course, there are those things that I wish had never happened. But of course, I couldn't choose them.
I've been one of those people going for the 'no regrets' policy. I can't say that it's always been the case, to my disappointment. There are times I think I don't dive in head first, risky enough. Though I'm thankful for the friend this year who has encouraged me to take risks - I appreciate the thought and encouragement, even if I'm not most of the time. And surely my 'what ifs' are a result of that.
Maybe 2011 will be different.
I'm not even sure what 2011 will bring. I mean in terms of the main day-to-day things of my life. One thing that is certain is that I'm staying in Melbourne next year.
I decided, but then I really wasn't sure. And I umm-ed and ahh-ed for a while. But didn't know what else to do.
At that point in time, if the London job had come through I think I would have been secretly relieved as well as super-excited and scared. Even though two months notice really wouldn't have been enough. But that is not the case, and there is little point in what-if-fing over it.
They say that the only certain things in life are death and taxes but I'm holding on fast to hope, grace and faith.
Because if not, what else is there?

more if you knew....

2010-11-01T22:15:00.003+11:00

If you know me, you'll know that I love being in this city. I've had an amazing six years, of course, not without its ups and downs. I love my relative independance, the city itself, the local hangouts, the friends, the opportunities, the things there are to do, the things I'm involved in, the communities, the good finds. If I hadn't been here, I wouldn't be the person I am today. There are many people to thank for that. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have had the opportunities I have had, nor the specific influences and opinions. I wouldn't trade them for anything.
I've also been fortunate this year to have met even more amazing people, in addition to the many I have come to know. I have had the pleasure of working with such talented people and teaching (and learning from!) a most wonderful set of students.

But today,for the first time in six years, I seriously considered going back home to Perth in what feels like the sum of a large addition.

Another childhood story

2010-10-26T16:57:00.002+11:00

In Year Three, I started learning the violin. I went to a public school where there was a Department of Education music programme; to be selected, we all had to take an aural test, called the Bentley Test, that tested our ability of pitch (higher, lower, the same). Four students were selected from two classes to undertake the violin - I was fortunate to be one of those selected. I had secretly wanted to learn because my brother had started two years prior, and I was sure that I could also do it.

The four of us had a group lesson every week, starting out with the Strictly Strings book one. We learnt how to hold our violins and bows, we learnt the different strings and how to make different notes. In hindsight, being able to read music already and to associate specific notes with the specific pitches was a great advantage.

We hired instruments from the Department of Education at a reduced rate (I think) - the other three students had half-size violins; I started on a quarter-size! I felt quite small indeed. We had sponges as shoulder rests, attached with a large, thick elastic band to keep it in place. I remember getting my first box of rosin - what wonderful, red-golden-honey stuff it was!
Violin lessons were wonderful - I had a most enthusiastic teacher who was patient, and also encouraging. I will admit that I sneaked forward in the book when I had done the exercises we were allocated to do.

Halfway through year three, my teacher thought I was good enough to join the school orchestra. This was usually an upgrade reserved for those who had already been learning for a year - but here she was, asking if I wanted to join, only after six months! It was one of the most exciting days in year three! I felt so excited that at lunchtime I ventured to the bottom oval (where year threes were not supposed to be playing) to tell my brother! I was so excited - I could tell him that I would be playing in the orchestra with him! Unfortunatley he didn't seem quite as thrilled as I was - I think he just kinda shrugged and said "That's good, Gladys."

In the years of violin that followed, I had great teachers who let me explore violin repertoire. We played lots of fantastic things: Beethoven's "Spring" Sonata, Bach Double Concerto (including the fantastic opportunity during grade seven, during my now-individual violin lesson, to play it with my teacher!), a Teleman Concerto for 4 violins (I have not heard this for years. If anybody has it, please flick it my way!), Czardas, various other pieces in the AMEB books, the first movement of the Bruch Concerto....

I recently met the daughter of my first violin teacher. It was quite uncanny, that thirteen years on from then, we were playing music together. And I was not playing the violin, let me tell you!

moving music

2010-10-07T22:33:00.002+11:00

Ravel: Piano Trio in a minor iii. Passacaille
Faure: Requiem
Amazing Grace
Abide With Me
MercyMe: I Can Only Imagine

update - seriously late

2010-10-04T22:38:00.003+11:00

Oh, and I did get a grad scholarship.
I wondered what I'd do if I actually got it.
And I think I'd like to go overseas for a short-term trip next year for a summer school, or masterclass or festival or something like that.
It just gives me a big kick up the bum to do something, to spur me on.

this is ayo

2010-10-04T21:50:00.002+11:00

It sounds like an almost perfect life:
1. Get sent some awesome music to learn.
2. Get told when to get on plane to travel.
3. Get some money deposited in bank account. (Okay, this is per diems, but still!)
4. Get housed in service apartments. Luxury. So much nicer than my flat!
5. Get put in trio with lovely talented people.
6. Play music together.
7. Watch some amazing concerts.

This is AYO Chamber Music Camp!

We were off to Newcastle to spend a week intensely rehearsing some fine chamber music, to be tutored by members of Freshwater Trio (Melbourne), Doric String Quartet, and the Carducci String Quartet (both UK).

The average day for me looked a bit like this:
Wake up; morning routines of shower, breakfast, make lunch; out the door to walk to Newcastle Con; individual practice for a bit; trio get-together; 10am tutorial; coffee break; more tutorial; lunch break; 1.30pm tutorial; tea break; more tutorial; play in, or attend a camp in-house concert; dinner break; in-house concert from professional ensemble; go home (may or may not be egged on the way); step into luxurious apartment; sleep.

Not bad really (except the egging part). Felt like an incredible week of music and dining out!

Our trio, Merewether Trio, formed last Sunday. We spent the first afternoon and evening together, playing through everything. It was heartening and exciting to hear and see that we had similar ideas about our Haydn, had difficulty but much excitement about Smetana, as well as rhythmic issues and some degree of non-commitment to the Ross Edwards. It was to work wonderfully together!

Our in-house concert was the first, on Tuesday evening. We had spent two and a half days together! We played our entire Haydn, which was exhilirating and scary, but much fun. One of the things I found most amazing about the in-house concerts was that most of the people had never played or worked together, and just how much was worked on in those few days. And then to watch the public performances at the end of the week and to see how much improvement there was - tres exciting!

After Tuesday, we decided to devote our time to the Smetana trio. We were to play the two outer movements, which was plenty to work on! When I received my music a few weeks ago, I was completely baffled - why would they give such a physically large piece to a 5'1" Asian female with tiny hands?!?! Nonetheless, I persisted in those few weeks, trying not to overdo it, or to freak out. I was super nervous getting to camp, I'll admit.
But it was exciting - being 'forced' to learn something, with no option of backing out, was quite an experience. And they were right - it's a piece now that I love, and wouldn't consider NOT playing! How is it that they're uncannily good at picking the repertoire for the people?

Smetana wrote his piano trio in g minor in 1855 following the tragic death of his eldest daughter. She was four years old, and she died from scarlet fever. Even at her young age, she showed much musical promise. In the first six years of Smetana's married life, he lost four children.

This trio is incredibly emotional.
It weeps, it staggers, it cries, it dreams of ecstasy, it mourns, it copes, it hangs in timelessness.
It is physically quite large - each instrument, as in many piano trios, feels like a concerto in its own right. I wasn't sure if I was quite ready for it, but I had to be, and in I dived!
In one particular tute, the idea of death was linked quite personally to elements of the first movement. This was quite an emotional couple of hours, leaving us physically and of course, emotionally, drained. Maybe that gives us the courage to persist. Persist we did. And what a triumph it was to play the G Major section at the end.
It was also quite interesting to reflect on death as a concept. About how people with different beliefs view death in different lights. Perhaps that is a subject for another post.

A few people have asked why I "promptly walked off stage and burst into tears". This was really not to do with errors (although there were some, but I do expect it in a live performance, nothing is perfect). It was a number of other things:
* The thought of the tragic death of Smetana's daughter
* The ideas of death that we had reflected on during the week
* The sheer exhaustion of the build-up to the performance
* As well as that of actually performing
* and how HOT it was on stage!
* And I think for me, that I actually managed to do this.
This all combined in tears of joy, sadness, emotion rollercoasting, excitement and exhaustion.
I think this is a good sort of thing.

Upon reflection, I really enjoyed that performance. I sometimes say that I enjoyed partciular performance experiences, but I think this sort of kick or joy was something else - an experience reserved for seriously satisfying, exciting performances. I remember thinking in my solo sections, "Gladys, you are playing in this gorgeous hall, on a gorgeous piano - you can take all the time you want in this world (almost..). And you can enjoy the sound that you are making."
And I did just that - I enjoyed what I was doing so much. I imagined that every note was a pearl drop.

These sorts of experiences make me super-excited about making music, playing music, rehearsing music, spending hours each day doing it. Thinking about it, dreaming about it (and yes, I did dream about it multiple times during the week). Have it spinning around in my head excessively, incessantly. And still love it.

Either I'm crazy, or I've been given a pretty amazing gift.

kid stuff

2010-07-03T23:24:00.001+10:00

* I always wanted to dress up as Pippi Longstockings during Book Week in primary school. I never had hair long enough to do it. Plus, I have black hair. I'm Asian (stating the obvious..) And I don't actually know the story.....

* When I was going into year eleven, I pretty much had to decide which instrument I wanted to continue at TEE level. I'd always been better at piano than violin, but knew I had to do the performance stream for school assessment, and thought that playing solo piano would be too lonely. [Hah! Even before discovering chamber music for real I knew I enjoyed playing with other people!] My mum even talked to the director of music at my school to ask what he thought about taking both instruments, whether that was viable. It was, but wasn't recommended. And so I chose piano, and I chose to focus mostly on piano (even though I kept playing violin) and here I am today, playing the piano.

* Some of my favourite books while growing up were: The Velveteen Rabbit (don't ask me what it's about anymore, I can't remember), Charlotte's Web, Sleepers (actually fairly disturbing for a 11-year-old girl to read), The Power of One

* We used to have junior and senior choir in primary school and I was always in the front row of the sopranos. But for fun, as I had a few friends sitting close to me, I'd sing the alto part because it was far more interesting.

* I almost lost my recorder in grade five. I was absolutely devastated - I didn't want to play a spare one with somebody else's germs all over it. We had played in a concert or something and I'd given it to somebody to look after for me, but somehow couldn't find the person anymore. And then as we were lining up for our music class, I saw a recorder sitting on the window ledge and it was mine! What joy! The lesson learned here: don't trust somebody else with your instrument.

* Wooden spoons make fantastic oars when the couches are the boats.

* Once we went to Singapore zoo and we went on an elephant ride. There were a whole line of children sitting on this elephant's back, sandwiched between two 'professionals'. As I sat on this elephant, I was gently running my fingers along the length of elephant hair, not quite pulling it out. I wonder if the elephant could feel that. Hopefully not, or there might have been quite a disaster.

* Our year four camp was to Rottnest Island and my first trip on a ferry. Admittedly, it doesn't take long (about half an hour or so) but I was a little nervous. A couple of my friends had been before, so they could tell us all their experiences. They warned me that if the day was windy and the sea was choppy, the ferry ride wouldn't be smooth. So we practiced getting used to the up and down sea motion on the logs. I was so scared - I didn't want to get sick! One kid did, and I remember sitting in the ferry thinking, "Come on, don't be sick, it's ok, it's ok!" to myself. The beginnings of a worrywort? I think so.

* I used to hate getting my hair cut. We used to (and often still do) go to a family friend who runs her own hairdressing business. Her daughters went to school with us, so we'd organise it so that mum picked us all up from school and we had the appointment straight after school. But mum, being practical (as mums are) insisted that it was cut fairly short (about chin-length). Yes, I had the Asian bob, but to me, it was just short. It was awful - I hated it. And every time I used to come home and cried and cried and tried to pull out my hair (as if that would help my cause, but anyway). And since then, I've really hated getting my hair cut. [Except, perhaps, this one time I went to the hairdresser at the shops near our house and I thought the lady was so nice because she told me I had such nice.]
And which is why I insisted when I got to high school that my hair had to be long enough to tie up in a ponytail because that's what the school rule was.
And that's also why when I got to university and my mum didn't really mind what I did with my hair, I've kept it quite long.

* Going on exchange to the USA during year ten was one of the best experiences I had during school.

* I had two (real) math teachers in high school. I specify 'real' because of that time in year ten I was taking an accelerated math stream and the classes didn't all completely match up, so I still had to go to one or two of my 'normal' classes where I could pretty much do anything (although I think the intention was to work on math). The thing I also quite enjoyed about that was that I missed out on one PE class :P Those two math teachers were amazingly wonderful and teachers that I caught up with even after leaving school.

* I didn't do much as a Math and Science Councillor in year seven.

* I really wanted to do singing lessons in year ten. And I thought it would have been cool/amusing to learn the tuba in year nine. Hah.

things to be excited about

2010-06-25T22:37:00.002+10:00

retro
mrc. soundchecks. cushion acoustics. not having to push. new shoes. sales (even though i hate shopping, sales just means it's cheap. which these shoes were). dressing rooms. perks. brunch. markets. desperate pleas. lovely families. spontaneous music-making. performing. brownies. getting to know people better. especially if they're super-lovely people. orchids. dinner with friends. phone calls. scholarship (!!!! I didn't even apply for this one!!!). townsville!!!. planning. finding old pieces are even better than originally thought. rehearsals. rehearsals after long days. even when falling asleep on tram. THEN being refreshed!. trio tutes. trio. make that trios. efficient meetings. cooking soup. playing good music. old times. immediately being able to pick up where we left off. having clean stuff. learning amazing stuff. being chucked in the deep end. swimming, not sinking!. five trio sessions in one week!!. booking flights. getting paid. rediscovering i love playing the violin. baking. cooking. chamber music. my economics lecturer coming to my chamber music exam (possibly one of the best days of my life so far). making stuff real.

Seriously, the week of two weeks ago was one of the best i've had in a long time.

future
weddings!. concerts. holidays = rehearsals. yay! french music!. song cycles!. opera!. new repertoire!. concerts!. flights to catch!. places to go!. rehearsals yay! applications! (hmm...maybe not so enthusiastic about actually doing them; rather, the things applying for is exciting!).

I have so much to be excited about. And oh-so-amazing much to be thankful for!
Wow.

In the wonderously beautiful month of May...

2010-06-03T21:29:00.003+10:00

So instead of lengthy stories that may or may not have become quite a feature of these posts, I will instead present a collection of words or phrases that sum up my month of May 2010 (and you know, three days of June).

A Wedding. late night food run. missed last train/tram home. kind friends :) . coffee dates. Rehearsals (duh!!). print brochures (so exciting!). tramming. fully knowledgable PT user. AMEB exams. Hawthorn-hangin'. Beethoven Ghost. music training. more coffee dates. latte. more PT. grad scholarships?. (what happens if i actually get it??). Fledermaus opening night!. scoff down your ice-cream. ice-cream mishap (ie. meets dress). radiothon. lentil as anything. masterclasses. family comes to visit. pineapple tarts! . east melbourne. mcg trams. choir. ayo app. graduation. lilac. photos. friends. rude vca people. giraffe. ABC iView - where have you been all my life??. family dinners. b'day party gig. body glitter. champagne cocktails. quail. nymph. the coffee guy knows me!!!! . 'regular or large?' was all he asked! . exams? . concerts. collins place. the crowd. short security man. impromptu. comptition! . applictions!. bios. photos. new umbrella. recordings. heater! . illness :( . crawl into bed. ordination. farewell. make that two farewells :( . rehearsals. oratorio. bach. handel. retail therapy. sushi date. uncertainty. confirmed. sadness. amusement. exciting. planning. planning for next year. concert 'engagements' (ooh...!). Petroushka (Dec 2010!!!!). sadness still.
grace.

All in an average month...

Stuff that comes out on top

2010-04-27T21:19:00.004+10:00

I think I've figured out (some of) my favourite foods - in no particular order:
chocolate
soup
hot cross buns (fruitless, of course. But may be chocolate or mocha flavoured)
corn
brunch food
cupcakes
picnic food

Stuff that's currently playing in my iTunes:
Switchfoot
Jon Foreman
Naturally 7
Jamie Cullum

Qualities that matter to me:
faith
honesty
inquisitiveness
appreciation and interest in music, if not necessarily talent
that duality of intensity and quick wit

Smells I really like:
lilies
coffee
sizzling garlic and onion in mum's cooking
that really crisp cold morning air (or cold night air, so long as I'm appropriately and warmly dressed!)

Places I'd really like to go and visit:
London
Boston
Chicago
Germany

If I didn't play the piano, I wish I studied:
cello
voice
french horn

Quirkiness for today

2010-04-17T14:59:00.002+10:00

When I look at weddings (you know, as you pass by, see photos, when I go to weddings etc), the order at which I look at stuff is 1. bridesmaid's dresses 2. flowers 3. bride's dress.

I hate it when my eyebrows are put the other way. I'll make them go in the right direction if they've been messed up.

I remember the play equipment we had in primary school quite distinctly. My favourite by far were the bars. They were metal, we did all sorts of fancy tricks; I spent most of those years with fantastic blisters on the palms of my hands.

I'm surprised when people tell me they like my collection iTunes. I think my taste is very eclectic - so much so that nobody would actually enjoy it.

I wish I'd kept up my violin learning. Orchestra looks so much more interesting for string players because they play so much. I'd rather be busy playing lots than bored counting rests.

Bad grammar irritates me. As does bad spelling.
Proper use of it's and its, they're and their and similar...

I used to think everybody had perfect pitch. And would get frustrated in primary school choir when the altos couldn't sing their notes. I found it easy - why didn't anybody else?? But I don't think it's particularly impressive or anything. It just is. I use it, I get frustrated with it sometimes.

I can't stand faffin' around. Straight to the point. But I'm not terribly confrontational myself.

If I don't enjoy a performance, I don't fake enthusiasm.

Over time, I have disliked shopping more and more. Mostly for clothes (because I think I'm weird-shaped and nothing fits right). And I'll always see if it comes in black.

But I increasingly enjoy shopping for food, including at the market and supermarket. Getting domestic much?

I'm not anywhere close to what I'd call an environmentalist, but I hate it when taps are left dripping, too many unnecessary lights are left on (though you need just one sometimes) or when the mains of minor appliances are left on. I also don't like it when mains are left on and there is nothing plugged in. I think I have this fear that if I touch the socket, I'll be electrocuted.

The line between work and enjoyment is mostly quite blurred for me.

I've always thought of myself as an introvert. Many of my friends would not agree with me.

I hope I was never one of those school girls that I pack onto public transport with and see in and about the city. Here and even back home now.

One of the sounds that I smile widely about is the bit just before an orchestra rehearsal - when everybody is kinda fiddling, warming up their instrument, tuning, making sure it all works, last-minute practice. And then it breaks as the oboe gives the A.

I like being a little bit surprising. For instance, many people are surprised when I tell them I like Muse (a classical musician?! No way! Way. They're hot.), and watching sports on TV. These include soccer, tennis, cricket and rugby union. True story.

Stuff I really wanted to do when I was a little girl:
Ballet, gymnastics, play the harp, play the flute

At the age of 12, I said my future would hopefully see me as a doctor, lawyer or architect. Or a marine biologist. Or lecturing somewhere like Cambridge, Oxford or Harvard. Hmmm, how things have changed........

Good harmony gets me. So does a good bass line and meaningful words.

I'm still learning how to say no.

I wish I wasn't so scared of driving.

I know I shouldn't, but I do have my favourites. You mightn't know, but I'd do so much to make it happen for you.

I used to drink milo every morning. These days I barely drink milk :( (I suppose, unless it's in my coffee, or it's chocolate milk. I don't even have much with my cereal now.)

It took me a long time to get to like myself. Especially what I look like. Now I'm quite comfy about me in my own skin.

Happenings of late

2010-04-01T21:06:00.002+11:00

The other day, as I was walking through the Close, I came across the Master of Queen's. We stopped to have a little chat. He asked how I was, and I answered truthfully, 'Busy, but well.'
His comment was something along the lines of 'Busy is your answer all the time.'
True that.
Especially of late.
Almost three weeks ago, Opera School Melbourne 2010 began. My aunt and uncle kindly came along to the morning tea and welcome. It was really nice to have some family there - I've gotten used to my parents not being able to come for stuff, which is fine. But I suppose it was exciting to have some people there for me! And they sort of know what I do now, though I suspect it is still fairly hazy to them. Perhaps they can explain it to my parents!

It has been quite difficult to balance stuff - especially in the first week. I wasn't ready for the accumulation of so many things: School, the commencement of College tutes (I hold two, plus have consultations where required), rehearsals for a new piano trio (of a 'normal' combination, shock horror!), rehearsals for Chiasma, continuing the Director of Music job. Oh, and the rest of my life before it all started, too....I think!

The first day started at 10am, and I finally managed to flop onto my seat in my own room at 10pm that night. Since then, I have decided that the morning is when my practice must happen, as it doesn't fit in otherwise. I still feel like I don't get enough at the moment - it feels a little like I'm flying by the seat of my pants, but hopefully it'll settle down even better now. I've taken to resuming my super-early morning practice; this routine sees my alarm wake me at about 5.50am, hit snooze a couple of times. I shower, eat breakfast, make my lunch, and walk out the door hopefully with the aim of beginning practice at 7am. It is nice that the Stafford is usually available in the morning - I'm usually out of there by the time most people would want to use it (who else starts work at 7am? Especially at College?!). I'm very paranoid though, so a 10am start at School means that we have to be there by 9.45am. And I leave so much time to get there. Too much. Always. It means I've tried to set myself the target of going to bed by 11pm each night (before School. Yes, that means Sunday night after church isn't a regular occurrence for me anymore). I've been doing pretty well so far. I get about an hour and a half of practice done - see? Not sufficient, really. Given that I'm preparing much.

For example, at the moment, I'm working on the production we just received at School - pretty much what constitutes an entire opera. As well as a Schumann trio, a Beethoven trio, supposed to be working on a Shostakovich trio, as well as some Liederfest stuff and some School people's arias. I don't think there's enough time.....and I had hoped to get back into Bach and Chopin for myself. Hmmm....

But what would this blogger be without all these pressures? It's the only way I know how to work!

I have wonderful students to mentor and tutor at College. I'm really enjoying being able to run tutes as I see fit, and direct them in the way I want. I hope they're good. It's funny how one teaches as a direct result, and combination of all they're taught. I find myself thinking, 'Oh, that's like what so-and-so would say!'. Or 'So-and-so taught me....'. I started keeping a book of notes from chamber music class and other masterclasses I attended, at uni and otherwise for several years now. I've just been collating them and have kept writing pearls of wisdom, and other interesting things. I was re-reading some of it the other night, and a few things struck me:
i) How much I've grown since the start
ii) How some of the comments and classes have stuck in my memory for this while
iii) How some of the things I re-read make much more sense now...
iv) or that comments can mean so much more even when they made sense back then.
Quite amazing. I'd suggest keeping a notebook if you don't already - it's been quite interesting and great to continuously learn.

I went to a few masterclasses last year (I was actually accompanying the people playing) was by Jeff Nelsen at the Melbourne International Festival of Brass. [Incidentally, I'm unfortunately away in Newcastle doing AYO Chamber Music Camp during this year's festival - I'm really disappointed that they clash! But I suppose it figures - chamber camp is only for strings and piano, not brass people......pity about the handful of pianists who do both! I suppose one can't have everything....] Check out his website at http://jeffnelsen.com/
The posts are a bit dated, but the other stuff he writes is quite interesting. The Get Fearless, and How Much Do You Want It? Great motivators.

So, back to School. It's funny - I'd heard of a few people and I was a bit scared of it all. I suppose, being 'new' (like most of the people there, incidentally!) was a change and that freaked me out a little. But then, I remembered that I wasn't making as many changes as some of the others - this was happening in a city I know already and have been living in for a while, I've been doing this music thing for a while now, and recently too. Although money is usually tight anyway, I at least didn't have to worry *too* much about it (I think!) and I didn't have to look for a place to live just before, or as, School started. Two years ago, a friend of mine, ND, after we had worked together on Poulenc, hatched a plan for a Mozart sextet. Out of that come the Mozart project - a complete hour's worth of beautiful Mozart music. I remember saying to him, just before our first get-together, 'Oh, I'm nervous! I've only ever worked with two other singers in one room - I'm not sure how I'll go with six!'
Of course, it was wonderful.
And I had a bit of a moment about having eighteen! All budding opera singers. Heck, I thought the room might implode. But it's been a wonderful three weeks so far, getting to know them. And yes, of course there is the share of diva-ness (in the best possible way!) and tenor moments! But I think that comes with it. We need a little, I think.

On the first day, we had a session of 'Operasports'. Like Theatresports, but some opera-themed games as well. We played StarJump - wow, haven't played that in a while. And I sat there plotting a little, because I remembered that if you got in early, you didn't have as many people to come up with a situation. (Otherwise, you have to do things like crowd scenes - a party, or a tableau or photo shoot, or exercise class....!) But I also forgot that the earlier you get in, the longer you're in for. And I don't consider myself a particularly drama/actor-type. In fact, quite far from it. But it was much fun! Then we did some fun opera-themed stuff. Think silent movie, where I'm the music. It was cool.
We also played some clapping game (sounds silly, but was really good).

And we also played it today, three weeks on. And I know it felt different, in a really good way. Because getting to know these twenty-odd other people over the last three weeks has been refreshing and exciting. Getting to know their personalities, and coming to trust them more about where the clap was going, or how it was travelling. Or having the little games! And knowing what they were capable of. There is an amazing vibe there.

We've already had our first concert. We did a Friendraiser Soiree on the evening of the sixth official day of School. We put the entire thing together in about three days. Pretty impressive if you ask me! It was a lot of fun.
And it was amazing to see these guys do their thing. I mean, that's what we're here for, isn't it?

The first day was spent doing introduction things and getting to know you and the start of getting to know your personality. Only on the second day, when the afternoon was spent at the National Theatre in St Kilda, did we hear everybody sing as they were. Think about it - one and a half days of just getting to know you, and then you hear them - what we're here to do. Amazing.
It has been pretty intense so far - in the sense that a bunch of enthusiastic, energetic young people have converged to do this Thing. They all have similar goals, similar spirits of encouragement and critical criticism (not in a bad way. We need it.) And the best part of it I think, is that I get the chance to get to know each one of them. And work with them. I hope I get the chance to know each one of them inside out - personally and musically. I'm really excited by that.

There have already been a few moments where I have been overcome with the emotion of their singing. Not that instrumental music cannot have that same effect, but I think singing is a really organic, physical thing. I mean, much of the sound that every instrument attempts to make is based on singing. And having something to convey in text is a really powerful thing.

Even though I feel inspired and excited, I also feel a little intimidated. And I know I would be told that it's rubbish, and that I shouldn't, and have no reason to be. By my calculations, I have a suspicion that I am among the youngest five people in the group. That's not a bad thing, just I think sometimes I don't have all this experience (also given my limited experience with opera so far) or maturity. But I think it may be well-masked given that I've been with music for the majority of my life (in fact, almost nineteen years!). That is, learning constantly and making a large part of my life. I think I can be painfully aware of differences, because I find differences intriguing in general. But yes, I know it's irrelevant...

So, as always, I apologise if it feels like I don't have time to catch up so regularly with all my friends. I've just inherited a new set (subset of the 'musicians' clan) who I spend much of my day-to-day time with. It's wonderful. But it all has to be balanced. Maybe that should be my motto for this year: Balance.
I still do care about you all, and spend much time thinking about all those relationships. We were made to be relational people - I just internalise and think a lot about them. I'm still figuring it all out....I have a sneaking suspicion that is a lifelong journey....

In the Kitchen

2010-03-21T18:37:00.002+11:00

The cakes were a success. I have to admit that they were packet cakes - but so long as they turn out and taste good, that's what counts right?
Two Zesty Orange Cakes (with frosting!) were full of yummy sugary goodness. I kid you not, I had almost no ingredients to make a cake in the first place - I didn't even have a cake tin, so I had to buy one! Haha.
And then this weekend, I thought that I'd use some of the eggs that I'd bought last weekend (making cakes), so I thought about quiche. I found an easy recipe on the internet and proceded to buy the self-raising flour that I can now use for cakes (and other things) from scratch! A fairly successful quiche eventuated - lots of yummy vegetables thrown in, can't complain. And extra for the freezer too.
The other handy tip is that when making stir-fry noodles, it's better to use the fresh (rather than dry) noodles. My mum told me that, after I complained to her that the dry ones were breaking when I stirred my stir-fry. And success, that was tonight's dinner.
I feel all chuffed with myself for cooking something more than scrambled eggs, or pasta. Woo!
Now I just need to buy an apron and oven-mittens - perhaps I'll tell my mum that that's what she should get me for my birthday. Dull, hey?!

busy but not

2010-03-12T14:19:00.002+11:00

I've had the great chance to do some reading in the past month. Books I actually wanted to, rather than say, text books.
I finally got round to reading 'Mao's Last Dancer', and also bought 'Predictably Irrational' (Dan Airely), finished off 'The Reason for God' (Timothy Keller), was lent 'Outliers' (Malcolm Gladwell) and am now reading through Daniel Levitin's 'This is your Brain on Music'.
They've all be fantastic reads (well, still working through the Levitin book). I just hope it's not like Oliver Sack's 'Musicophilia'. While the concept was interesting, it was too boring for me - instead of only revealing the various interesting quirks on how the brain responds to music, and theorising on how so, it was just a collection of 'Here is a quirky story that I've come across!' and 'I have a little bit of this, I've experience synethesia, and I have suffered from this condition before'. With little detail into why this was the case, how it affected the being of the person - their musical experience, and their otherwise everyday existence. It was a bit too showy-off-y 'look-at-me', 'been-there-done-that' for me. Boring!

I start at The Opera School this coming Monday. I am quite excited, and a lot scared! I'm not afraid of hard work per se, but I am a bit nervous about how it is all going to work. I haven't actually been given any music to prepare yet, so I anticipate there will be a lot of fast learning. Also next week, I begin my tutorials at College, so there will be much to balance out. My new trio is starting rehearsals next week as well - it will be very busy! I started making a weekly timetable for regular commitments and it so far looks quite busy:
Monday-Thursday 10am-5pm Opera School
Monday evening: dinner, Monday Evening Programme, tutorial - end at 9.30pm
Tuesday evening: at the moment, there is a trio rehearsal in there, 6-8pm, before a tutorial 8.30-9.30pm.
Wednesday evening: 7.45pm Jude's small group study
Friday afternoon: 4-6pm trio rehearsal
The reherasal on Tuesday is going to have to change in a little bit because our violinist is going to be busy at that time - also not fantastic for me, but we'll see how I go. That's not including any freelance work (how that fits in is completely beyond me!), nor my original trio (yes, we're still together!). I think that will run as a project-based....thing. When we get some dates, we'll put it together.
Things that will still require frequent attention over the normal course of the week:
Mentees
Director of Music job - still working on Concert Series stuff
other stuff......
So, please don't be offended if I keep saying that I'll catch up and never get around to it..... :S

Chiasma Trio did a 'Live at the Convent' broadcast on 3MBS just this Tuesday gone. I didn't realise it would take the majority of the day - we had to get there at 10.30am for a soundcheck, the programme was at 1.30pm so we had a few hours to chill out in-between. Then after we did the broadcast, we had some food to satisfy our sugar cravings and then headed home. I went to the supermarket and bookshop after, so it was a pretty full day. I was a little nervous about it - there's something about radio, compared to a live performance on a stage, and the fact that I knew there were people listening in from various parts of the world over the internet! I know I kinda freaked out in the third movement, and stopped concentrating. Therefore fluffing my supposedly-sparkling passagework! Boo. Oh well. I was admittedly a little bit disappointed with my playing itself, but M said overall it was quite good. The feedback from people who listened in was good, so perhaps I am being too critical of myself? Or that playing in the fairly 'dead' studio, compared to the sound going out over the radio (with some additions to make it sound like we were in a large empty hall) was so different, I didn't even know. I also had to do a short interview - I hadn't really practiced any sort of 'radio voice' (much as I had thought about it!) and I felt a bit silly about it all....in all the times that I've been to 3MBS to play in the programme, I've never had to do an interview! I felt a bit silly about it all, but again, people have been saying that it was good..

There was another one of those crazy floods in Melbourne. It started off as a somewhat cloudy morning, but by midday had fined up to what looked like a beautiful Melbourne day. But at about 2.30pm, the sky started turning grey, and even darker. By 3pm it was pretty much so dark that it looked like about 8pm at night! And then it started pouring.....with large hailstones! They were about the size of golf balls (which is fairly significant) and it pelted and pelted. Good thing I wasn't outside this time. I had thought about going on a Saturday evening adventure, but thought better and stayed inside that night. Watching the rain radar on the BoM website was quite exciting, if ominous!

It would appear that the last four or so weeks have had days that have been ridiculously busy, and some that have been so empty that I've been bored. I don't know why they couldn't even themselves up??

So, I also booked flights to KL for July - a 11 day holiday. I'm heading soon after P&S's wedding (not missing that for anything!) although I am missing my grandfather's 80th birthday celebration that night. But one can't be in two countries so soon after each other. Well, not in this case anyway. But my family aren't too worried, as those grandparents are coming to Melbourne in May for a holiday so I'll get to see them then. And I'll visit more family when I'm there anyway. I'm quite excited about it - it'll be about seven and a half years since I've been. It'll be the first time I fly internationally by myself - it's a little daunting!
So, I had to also decline doing the MRSA with a couple of singers this year. I feel a little bad about them, but there is no way I'm not attending the wedding and reception. See? I said No..!!! Scary, hard, but perhaps for the better.

Last night I went to the ANAM concert - we had planned to go as the Kurtag was being played. We wanted to see how they did it - as eager students, or critical snobs. Both, perhaps! In short, we thought they missed most of the point of the entire piece. The entire concert I think could be summed up in the word 'surprising'. Neither good nor bad, just is. Feel free to take from that what you will.
But it was good to hang out with friends again - finally! We caught up over a drink or two, doing what we used to do to while hours away...

One of the things I re-realised about myself today as I tried to find recipes to bake yummy things for this weekend is that I really really suck at planning for baking and cooking. Really suck.
I knew I wanted something chocolate, and something else - the idea of a flourless orange cake sounded appealing. But then that was a bit hard. So I instead googled orange butter cake. And found a few recipes. But the only ingredients I have in my house is plain flour and milk. No kidding. So I was trying to find two recipes that have as much ingredient cross over as possible. That is, sugar (castor, or brown), flour (plain or self-raising), number of eggs (preferably six of under), butter (minimise, as it's Butter...! However tasty...). And I got so frustrated and kept chanigng my mind. I think I came across a workable combination, although there is also much to buy. I'm not sure if I can actually handle it! And then I thought that the worst-case scenario would see me buy packet cake mix....I know, it's cheating, but they work quite well...and my brain really hurts!!

Add to that the fact that I have to do some more grocery shopping (as if I haven't done enough of it this month...eeek!!) to stock up on lunches for next week - the start of School!

Can't think - all too complex, not sure how I'm going to manage it all.
And to think I used to do this to myself almost every day for the past few years. I thought about it - perhaps one performance of a sort in any given week. At times, far greater than that. The waking up early after having gone to bed late. Not sure if my body can keep up anymore...

A New Year

2010-02-18T23:01:00.003+11:00

So, I know it's been about six and a bit weeks since the new year actually started. But even now it feels like it's still new. It's still dawning on me that this is a very new phase of my life. Although last year admittedly felt like one too - and I spent most of the year wondering how it could have progressed so much, yet I still didn't feel like I'd gotten off to a flying start.

But this year - this year is really a new beginning. I can officially say that I'm a university graduate. It strikes me that even though there are now many people who are, or who will be, this is also a great thing. Even two generations ago, not that many people had a university education. None of my grandparents did, I'll tell you that. And hearing some stories about my mum's side of the family really made me aware of that. I'm really quite excited to see my grandparents in May - they, along with my parents, as well as one aunt and uncle, will be coming to Melbourne. My brother says that my graduation is not the actual reason that they're coming, but rather, that my graduation is the catalyst for them coming to visit. True :) That's ok. It will be exciting, if a bit hectic as well! I won't have holidays at that time, so it'll have to be around School stuff. Plus, I've put in a pressing request for pineapple tarts :D Yum.

So, I have to wean myself off the phrase, "Oh, I'm a student" now. I've had that status for the last seventeen years. It's hard to shake it off after that long! And now I can say that I'm doing a sort of 'internship'. That's what School was described to me as, well, at least my role there. It's a pretty good description, actually! It was nice to get a clearer picture of how it was all going to work. Still some stuff remains to be seen, but hopefully it'll slot into place nicely.

When I was unpacking all my stuff, I did more of what I did at the end of last year when I was packing all my stuff - throwing stuff out! I was quite impressed with my efforts, considering that I know I'm a hoarder. And I've put some stuff in the 'give away' or 'take home' boxes so that I don't have to do that thing where every year I just put stuff in the cupboards and drawers, only for them to sit there for the rest of the year, only to be packed up again without having been used. However, I haven't really figured out a way of organising much of my music. I have a chamber music file, as well as another box of recently-used instrumental music. Organised by instruments (divided by colours, I kid you not!). Organisational Freakism? I suspect so. But all the vocal and choral music (and most of my piano music too!) remains in a great pile that consists of about two boxes. Disgusting, hey?! I plateaued in enthusiasm with the unpacking. Oops.

Also this year, it feels like there's already lots of changes. Without trying to point fingers (because I don't actually want to do that, nor feel that way), I feel like what I've known and gotten really comfortable with is undergoing a fairly intense seismic shift. (Does that even make sense? It does in my head, so I'm going to run with it!). It makes me a little unstable and unsure, but I'm pretty sure I'm big enough to deal with it. Just that it's a little hard to, but that's ok. For example, there is some great pleasure I'm finding in just having the freedom to go where I want, go to the bookshop at an obscure hour. It took me most of my childhood to like my name (sorry parents! I do like it now!), my hair, my size, most of me. That's probably something that one learns as they grow up. And now I'm also slowly getting used to who I am. And where I am at any point in time.

So I figured this year would be different. Not just because of circumstances. Although that may have a large impact on it all. I say it's going to be different every year, but I think these seismic shifts in all sorts of things in all sorts of directions will determine the differences, the differences from other years. I don't think I'll be any less busy. Perhaps equally so, or even more so, if that's even possible. But being able to say no to things I actually just can't manage. I'm determined this year to not let my health suffer as much as it has in the past five years! So, taking care of myself is high up there. As well as being able to know when too much is overcommitting to things that I know I will not be able to follow through on. And being deliberate about things. And getting to know people and things outside the circle that I've known for so long. That will be hard, but I'd like to give it a healthy shot.

It's also been nice to see my cousin a bit more in the past month. It's funny - growing up, I thought this one would be the one I got on the least well with. But that's the thing - growing up changes things. I always felt really dumb next to him; I still do. But now we toss ideas around. Mostly they're me nodding and saying 'uh-huh', but at least now I understand it. Vaguely.

And the funny thing about talking with him is that he suggested all sorts of ideas and things to read and check out. And after the most amazing semester (last semester) in the Economics department, I wonder what would have happened if I'd run with all that. Instead of dropping it all, as I seem to have done now. Not that I'd give any of it away. But what would have happened if I had been more selective. And actually considered the other possibilities. Because it was pretty clear to me by fourth year what I wanted to do. And those two finals years of uni really confirmed it. I think it's all a balancing act. But I don't know whether it's even possible to balance it out completely?

I suppose for the meantime, I keep reading about these other ideas. I pursue that stuff for interest and brain-tickling. Maybe when my hands fall off I'll get back into it more intensely. In any case, I'm glad that my other degree was useful for more than just the extra year at uni that gave me an amazing bunch of friends and experiences. It really pushed me to think about economics as more than just something I did in the commerce degree because it was interesting, but something that was actually interesting and something I enjoyed doing. There. I said it. What amazing teachers I had. I actually ran into one of them yesterday at Readings. Now, let me tell you, JB is actually a legend. Not only does this man teach one of the larger classes at university (Introductory Microeconomics; in my time, this had a total of about 1600 students in four lectures across one day, twice a week!), but he enjoys it - you can tell by the way he gets so excited about it. And he loves Australian Economic History. And cares so much for his students. Even in my first tute, he accepted the fact that I wanted to be a musician. And was genuinely interested. I casually asked him yesterday, 'Oh, so when are you heading off to Harvard?' He's taking up the position of Chair of Australian Studies there. I cannot impress to you how amazing this is.
And still he asked me how my performances went at the end of last year. What a legend.
And still, much can be said about my other lecturer. I was pretty 'lucky' in the entire class. Of about ten or eleven experiements in the course of one semester, I was paid about three times. And that's when there were about twenty students in the class. I won more times than is theoretically likely. And there were a few times I headed back with my lecturer to collect my payment, and we'd chat about all sorts of ideas under the sun. About interests, how things work, 'why' things. And I was stunned one day when he told me that he was quite (pleasantly) surprised that I was somebody who was obviously very passionate about the creativity side of me and was so sharply analytical. And that I was acutely critical in my presentation. And that I 'seriously under-rated' myself in giving a score for the presentation.
Which makes me think about the potential that teachers have. And the potential they see in their students, and how they can best encourage it.
And then I think whether I am leaving some sort of potential dormant? Or untapped? Unused? I know lots of people who would strongly encourage me in the creativity front. I appreciate that immensely. But I sometimes think that there are few people I'd share the other side of my brain with. The nerdy ideas side. Why is that? Is it because people don't really care about those? Or aren't interested in them? Or don't have those sorts of ideas? The nerdy ones? Or nerdy ones that don't really correlate with mine?

Anyway, that was a large leap away from much of the other events recounted previously. But back to the thoughts at hand - new year, new experiences, new adventures, new thoughts, new attitudes, new intentions, new circles, new triangles?

Ouch!

2010-02-12T21:43:00.002+11:00

I have this stabbing pain in my upper back on the left hand side. Practicing piano is a bit painful. Using the computer isn't much better. Uh-oh.
Thankfully, I am going to the physio tomorrow for a massage. He's pretty good at inflicting more pain (or just pressure) to relieve pain somehow...
The Moleskine is starting to have bits and pieces scrawled over each page. Lists of people to email or talk to or see. Jobs that need to be attended to. Lots of question marks - many of them indicate that I need to ask lots of things.
Things to do, people to see, places to go.

I've had a couple of phone calls from people that have wanted me to play for them. Both are good gigs, so I'm quite excited. Before O.S. starts, I hopefully will do some work where I can.

One of the questions I have is why so many things are on 3 July? There is one clear stand-out event that I shall be attending. The second I have to see if it fits in with the first. The third is overseas - I don't think I'll be going to that. But I'm trying to figure out whether I can take that overseas trip after that weekend though. I think I can get a good deal. It just means that I will be away for a while and nobody can plan things that need me then. Perhaps it's first in, best dressed? Surely people know me well enough by now to know that if they want me for a specific date, they need to get in quick?

About this second thing, though. I didn't really listen that well when I got the call. I did what I always do, and asked her to "put it in an email to me". That means I can go back and read it. And when she did email me, I was surprised. Not because of the content of it - I could deal with those, the details. But rather, the first line - not just who she is, but who recommended me on. The strangest part is that I had to google this other person and was surprised that somebody like that knew me. I don't think I know her. I think there are some people who are saying some good things - for that, I am very thankful. Honoured, humbled, and a little bit weirded out (in a good way! Like how amazingly cool it is).

I've been to Cicalata three times this week. Eeek. Yes, the owner already knows me. But he already did a few years ago :P
Perhaps I now qualify for some sort of discount? Even if it's like, 5% off?!? Let's put it this way - I don't have my own tab there (yet! Haha). I do know a few people that do, there!
Anyway, all three meetings have been lovely. I like coffee/lunch dates. Hehe :)
But anyway, while I was there, I thought I'd pop into Borders. You see, I received a Borders gift card from somebody last year, and spent some of it at Christmas time. I knew I had a bit more money left, so I wanted to check it. Over the summer, my brother was just kinda looking through my wallet (not as weird as it sounds!), and pulled out a couple of other Borders cards. I thought they were old, and all summer they just kinda sat there, because I thought I'd throw them out because I'd used all the money. But just before I left, as I cleaned out my room, I thought I'd just put them back in my wallet and check that there wasn't any money left on them. So, I went to Borders yesterday, and asked the people there to check if there was any money left on the cards. And YES! There was a grand total of about $60! YAY! I love it when you find that you have gift voucher money on a card when you're not expecting it :D
So today, after my Cicalata lunch, I thought I'd spend some of the afternoon just browsing. I wasn't set on definitely buying something - more of time to have a look and consider what I'd like to buy.
But I saw so many great things to buy, and still can't decide!

And I suppose this same problem is going to arise when I step into Readings with about the same amount of gift voucher money...!!!

HELP!

So, also yesterday, there occurred this crazy freaky torrential rain/flash flooding in Melbourne. It was truly mad. The previous few days have been pretty hot and humid. And you bet the cool change came through. I just didn't expect it so suddenly and MUCH! I went to the supermarket after coffee date #2. You know, the supermarket is kinda 'underground' - so you can't see the outside surroundings. But as I came up the escalator, I could see it was raining. And I thought, 'Yeah, that's ok. That's why I have an umbrella!'. But then I saw. It was PELTING down. Lightning, thunder, the skys had truly opened up. The sort of rain where if you stand out for a few seconds, you're totally DRENCHED. It was pretty funny to see people just kinda standing there with either paralysed looks of "What do I do now?!" or amused looks of "Hey, what can I do now?" on their faces. I think I was somewhere in-between both of them. I was supposed to make an appointment in about half an hour! Haha.
So I did something very stupid, and when I thought it was easing up a little, I ventured out with my shopping and my umbrella. This is the stupid thing: umbrella + lightning = stupid. Stupid -> me. I admit it.
So I had to cross the diagonal of Lygon/Elgin Streets to get home. And I thought I was being smart, when I saw that the petrol station side had a MASSIVE puddle on the side, and that the cars driving through it at a decent speed would drench any pedestrian. So I got my thinking hat on, and thought I'd cross the road (not at the traffic light...) to avoid this large drench-potential puddle. Smart, I think!

Perhaps not.....I thought I was safe, until I looked at the other corner. Also overflowing, the sidewalk resembling a lake. So I resumed that "What do I do now?!"/"What can I do now?" face that I had before. After several light changes, I decided to suck it up. I was wearing shorts and thongs, so I decided to take the plunge and wade through the lake. It was pretty disgusting - just the leaaves and stuff was kinda gross, but it was pretty funny at the same time. I waded across part of Elgin Street. Yep, still stupid (remember, umbrella+lightning?). I managed to get home, though fairly wet and smelly! I managed to re-schedule my appointment. Hopefully next week will have no more torrential rain....

So those are the exciting things in my life at the moment. Around the meetings, various documents I'm writing (Position Description, Proposal and Budget, profiles, year-long plans etc). I've also just started keeping a complete record of my expenses for each month. It's quite horrific, really. To know that I spend that much money, that often...! But I think it'll be good to actually know the breakdown.
And no, Accounting Reports and Analysis in my final year of university isn't really helping me. I've got a few categories - groceries, food/drink (that is, going out), bills, transport, and the like.....and no, GST is not counted separately :P (GST Receivable, GST Payable). And no, there is no double-entry system (Debits/Credits woo!). It really is about cash flow here.

Busy busy. Like it'd be any other way..!

Packing, unpacking, repacking

2010-02-04T20:54:00.002+11:00

And so that is how it is - the three sorts of packing. After five years, I am well and truly sick of it. But clearly not enough to do it again this year!

The official transcript arrived hooray! And it is correct. I do have that Bachelor of Music. You bet I do!

I thought about not going to bed at all the night before I jumped on a plane. I had to wake up at 4am anyway. I thought it might have been amusing just to stay up all night, but decided against it (going to bed at 12.45am) because I really wanted to sleep in my fairly comfy bed!

I assembled my first piece of Ikea furniture this evening. Admittedly, with a bit of help! But still. I'm pretty excited about it - four bits of wood, twelve screws results in one bedside table that isn't the two boxes I've had stacked for the previous two years!

And I remember that when I go away for holiday, the geographical distance is a really good way of distancing myself from work. Even if I do some organisation away from the centre of it all. The work has just flooded in. And thankfully I also have had a few requests to play for stuff. Keepin' busy, that's how it is. I didn't really anticipate having to sit down and do much work this year though, and so it's a bit of a shock to have to do it! But I shall persist and hopefully stuff will get done (though unfortunately not magically).

Still no sign...

2010-01-23T00:43:00.004+11:00

...of the supposed transcript. But I called and Andrew Hall with the very nice deep voice and he checked my record and told me that I had indeed graduated. Phew!

I also noticed that my previous post was titled "How Strage", rather than "How Strange". The second of those was the intended.

I have been working a little bit - at least it keeps me occupied for a day. Plus, the woman I'm working for is actually a family friend, so it's pretty chilld out, and we've been going adventuring to see clients and stuff, and she also cooks amazing lunch for us and I help her and learn to cook! Woo!

The Moleskine is filling up a bit - I realised I actually have some work to work on, some thoughts to think about, some plans to put together. But it's quite difficult when one has few guidelines on how to do it. I kinda know what I want to do, but it might take some convincing and some money (always in short supply). Sigh.

How strage

2010-01-06T15:04:00.002+11:00

So my academic transcript arrived in the mail yesterday. It was pretty exciting to see the culmination of it all. Until I got to the bottom:

Course(s) completed:
Bachelor of Commerce
with a major in: Economics

Well, that was all good, except for the glaringly obvious ommission. Where is my Bachelor of Music? I had a panic attack for about five minutes as I went to calculate that I had completed enough points. Affirmative. Phew.
Now I just have to figure out this pesky thing.

Our Christmas tree is still up, I have a pile of books to read, a few more operas-on-dvds to watch, and have been relaxing muchly - 'tis a sweet life! But it has been hot and a little uncomfortable at times. I've been shopping a bit in the post-Christmas sales, with the unsurprising result of not having bought anything in the Christmas to New Year period. But don't worry, I redeemed myself by spending a bit more in recent days (hah!).

This year has taken a bit more shape, which is exciting. I'm no longer a full-time member of the 'I Don't Know' Club; I now belong in the 'This is What I'm Doing' Club. In quick summary, this is a brief list of what is to happen in 2010:
The Opera School
Queen's stuff
Chiasma Trio
Another trio (!) - yet un-named
Other chamber music stuffs? Other projects
Stuff at Jude's (yay!)
Work will hopefully be made up of gigs, accompanying, other music-y stuffs
Chamber Camp in September (the only thing that was in pen in my diary for a while!)

And I was worried about it being empty....I don't think so anymore!

A long trip home

2009-12-17T17:27:00.002+11:00

So, I'm finally home. But getting home was far more difficult than I anticipated.
Ed sent me to the airport - I had left lots of time, which was cool. The flight left at 9.25pm, and I'd arrived by 7.45pm - plenty of time! But when I arrived, the terminal was full of people, people were sitting all over, not necessarily in a line. There was general chaos, the board flashed flights that were 'Delayed' or (even worse) 'Cancelled'.

So, it turns out that a Telstra cable to T3 (where the Virgin Blue terminal is set up) was cut and all computer-operated systems were not functioning. Manual check-ins, serious delays, too many people to comprehend at any one time. All we could do was wait. And wait we did. And we waited until they announced that there were only going to be four (later two, as two were cancelled due to airport curfews) flights (operated by Virgin Blue) leaving Melbourne Airport. Ours was not one of them. :(

So then, we had to proceed downstairs to see what accommodation we could be fixed up with. There was a massive line. Apparently they were trying to accommodate four to five thousand people. That is a lot of people!
But somehow we managed to find ourselves at the front of a second line, and put our names down on the accommodation list. Then there was more waiting. Lots of it. There were all sorts of phone calls (many!) and eventually they started calling out people's names to board buses to head to the hotel. This all took a long time, and at close to midnight, was pretty draining. A busload of us were taken to The Sebel in Albert Park which turns out is a 4.5 star hotel - can't complain! Admittedly, we took some photos of the hotel, because it's been a while since I stayed in a hotel (and such a nice one at that!). We made sure not to touch anything from the mini-bar (ridiculously over-priced!), had an awful view of the next building, but the bed was comfortable, there were fluffy white towels and the only thing not provided was a toothbrush. But at about 1.45am, I finally crashed into bed.

There wasn't much sleep to be had either, unfortunately...back home, my mum was crazily trying to reschedule a flight and I got woken up by a text that arrived at close to 4am telling me that she'd managed to get us on a 9.25am flight - exactly 12 hours after the original flight. Which meant getting to the airport well before the hotel's check-out time of 11am. I wasn't all too smart about it all - it would have been nice to use the hotel's facilities, but was keen to avoid a hot Melbourne day. We got to the airpot at about 7.15am (far too early after a frantic night!). We ate Macca's for breakfast (gross, but wonderful simultaneously), sat around, stood in a line for a while and were delayed (again!)because:
i) the previous flight was delayed;
ii) the flight was over-booked and they had to ask for volunteers to get off that flight
iii) we waited for other passengers from a connecting flight (which was delayed) to get on the plane.

But finally we were off to Perth. Finally. It was such a relief to be back on the other side of the country. Even though I really love Melbourne and the people there; it would have been hugely awkward to have said bye to everybody and then ring people up and murmur, "Ummm...I'm sitll here..." Hah.

So that is the saga that was.

In previous news (in concise manner):
1. Moving out was painful (for my back) and a bit hectic, but thankfully worked out in the end.
2. Tasmania was wonderful. A fantastic experience - learning, musical, trip-wise. Will have to go back there to actually go on holiday. Walked places (muchly!), walked hills (very large ones..). Made friends (yay!). Had a cool piano tutor (amazing woman!).
3. Lived out of suitcase for another week and a bit. Amess St was fun. Reherasals were good. Wasn't 'home' much.
4. Masters Recitals: horn one was good; page-turning was fun, not being able to play electronics due to technical glitches were not so fun...
Vocal one was also good - much more involved! But went really well. Love French.
5. Wedding was good, as was reception. Fun times were had by all.
6. Was good to see two friends from Perth in Melbourne. Yay!

Am yet to catch up on all the sleep from this year...but hopefully it is getting there. Have some appointments (you know, parent-organised) but apart from that, will hopefully be learning some concerti, sleeping, going to the beach, possibly learning guitar....

Themes of 2010

2009-11-26T01:57:00.004+11:00

Shostakovich. Mozart. Strauss. E Flat Major. My drink - LLB. No other :) Local hangouts. Dumplings. Yum-cha. Calamari. It's free on 3! Collaborations. Yes. No. Up. Down. Black and white. Black and silver. Collaborative study.

So. Scared.

I hope I don't get lost.
Probably not on email, so ring me......

The stuff you do and the stuff you don't

2009-11-20T22:34:00.004+11:00

If you've known me for a long time, or even just a short time, or have followed any of my progress through life of late, you'll know that this year has been filled with some of the most amazing highs and deep lows. You'll know that I've smiled lots and very widely this year with some people, but you might or mightn't know that I've probably also cried more this year than the previous four combined.

You'll know of the decision I have come to make that I wanted to pursue music full-time in my life. But you'll also know that my Plan A went astray. As did my Plan B. And you'll know that I don't make Plan Cs because I usually go with A, or at least, B.

And you'll know that I have amazing friends who support and love me. But you'll also know that I've found it hard to devote as much as I like to all of them individually. You'll know that I have a bunch of really close friends for different things. But possibly no one person crosses all those different things.

You'll know that I spent the last five years asking myself the same question. And have come to a sort-of conclusion by now. But you'll also know that I love learning just for the sake of it.

You'll know that I am a little bit crazy and say yes to all sorts of things. But you'll also know that there are some times that I think my youthful enthusiasm gets me into all sorts of situations that are possibly way beyond me.

You'll know that I'm a bit of a perfectionist (I think it comes with being one of those pianists). But you mightn't know that I'm getting really good at faking it too. Handy, but not necessarily good all the time.

You'll know that I like having the next week of my life planned out and if you want to catch up, you'll need to make sure I put it in my diary and allocate time for it. But you'll also know that I have only vague plans for next year and what it looks like. And you'll know that I am so scared about not being able to pay rent, pursue what I actually want to, not learn in the way I want to, not achieve the things I want to.

You'll know that my next week is fully booked. But I have no idea where to put the other things. And sometimes I think you think you know that there isn't enough time. But you mightn't know that if you really want it and ask, I'd make time.

You'll know that if often looks like I have it all together and have it all under control. But you mightn't know that I'm padlling as fast as I can underneath the surface. And sometimes it sure doesn't feel like it's fast enough.

You'll know of the amazing opportunities that have been thrown at me. But you mightn't know that it hurts so much not to take them all, because I fear so much that I won't get anything like it again.

You'll know that I sleep about six to seven hours per night - and it's definitely not enough when it all catches up. And you'll know that I didn't avoid to manage the university student typical coffee addiction within the last four weeks of uni.

You'll know that I operate at about 70% on any given day. But even I don't really know what it's like to feel 100%. You'll know that I probably need to take better care of myself. But I think I need other people to look after me, because I know I probably wouldn't.

You'll know that I'm a bit of a workaholic. But you mightn't know that I also manage to waste a lot of time doing I-don't-know-what. And you mightn't know that there are some days I just want to laze around and do nothing, but you'd know that I'd rather usually do that with other people.

You should know that I love and care so much for my friends that I would do almost anything for them - and I get upset when I can't. You might see it as favouritism, coldness to some or others, but you'd know it if you were on the receiving end. You'd perhaps know if you can hear the smile when I pick up the phone, or saw it just before I did.

You'll know that I don't like putting people out of their way. But you mightn't know that if I ever do, it's either because I really like you (and think that you might like me enough to do so too) or I really don't and couldn't really care less. Having said that, it is not my intentional aim though to do so.

You'll know that I love this city, most because of the people I've met and the friends I've made, but also because of the things that I've done in it, and the memories I have of certain things. But you'll know that I also have a little bit of an itch to go elsewhere, but I'm so scared of leaving all this to somewhere new and unknown, or even old and now-unknown.

not the daily grind

2009-11-04T21:07:00.000+11:00

But at the same time, yes it is....go figure.
The ups and downs continue, but perhaps with less volatility. Heck, this sounds like a comparison of the Australian economy pre- and post-1980s reform. Wow. NERD!

And so it goes...some of the ups:
*music-king
*concerts - both playing and watching
*rehearsals, intense tutes
*amazing singing. That made me almost cry on both occasions :)
*celebrating with friends
*remembering what awesome friends i have
*tramming adventures
*eating adventures
*'study breaks'-cum-adventures
*randomness
*popping-ins to say hi
*running into friends
*crazy photos (in the library!)
*spontaneous excursions
*talking for hours
*communal study sessions
*good food
*good friends

and some of the downs:
*can't read it!!
*what does it all mean???
*study for hours
*study unproductively for hours!
*realising how much I don't know
*obnoxious people

And those with no specific category:
*The 'Don't Know' Club slowly morphing into the 'I think I may have a bit sorted out' Club. Don't worry, we'll see be there for each other!
*Big ideas. Scary. But cool.
*Making some decisions. Scary also.
*Sorting out the short-term life. CRAZY!
*Knowing the lines
*P.R.!
*Stuff to look forward to. But so much to do around it!

My questions:
*Isn't it obvious?
*Why is it like that?
*What would it be like?
*Why don't you just tell me?
*What would you think?
*How would you react?
*Would that be weird? (Because it's totally out of character)
*What's going to happen?
*Can we still do that stuff?
*Do you want to?
*How can we make it work?
*How can I make it happen?
*Are we just dancing around the issues?

Yup, I'm a question-asker.....

ups and downs

2009-10-28T22:59:00.002+11:00

about nine months ago i thought i had it all figured out.
and in the last three months it's come crashing down and rebounding up and shattering in all directions.
so much stuff has come up.
august was supposed to be my month of just keepin' on truckin' (and smiling too!). september was supposed to be yours. and then october. but somehow, i felt like i've had to keep telling myself to keep on truckin' and smiling through all of those months. who woulda thunk?
the last four weeks of uni have gone by so quickly - a few bits of assessment here and there. so much performing to do. the last couple of weeks have been C.R.A.Z.Y. So much stuff packed into such little time.
lots of it has been so much fun, couldn't have asked for much more.....much music-ing, crazy rehearsals, emails flying back and forth, comp finals.....(after weird dream!)

but now there is so much other stuff to think about.
i'm scared.
i don't know.
i don't make decisions for myself...!
all so uncertain.
so many ups and downs.

i'm so scared to leave uni - an end of an era. but it means that i lose that certainty. and i've always been one of those people who like to know what is going to happen. guarantee. now what?
feels like limbo.

all so much. have possibly cried more in the last three months than any other three month period of the last five years...!

i'm always doubting my abilities. so to have any suggestion that what i'm doing is not valid makes me doubt even more.

i wish i were that good so that the choices might have been easier...

random ii

2009-10-24T23:27:00.004+11:00

negativity. stop. not interested. not funny. tone of voice. get it. you don't understand. you possibly never will. if you really knew. if i don't, i probably don't really care. don't like those nicknames. they're for people who actually know me. weird stalker fashion. talk too much. immature. get over it. assume. wrong. indirect. vague. unsure. misconstrue. dislike.

appreciate. good questions. care. ask. just not prying. make me laugh. make me smile. for good reasons. no reason at all. enjoy the silence. enjoy the sunshine. crazy. madness. in it. support. passion. sincerity. appropriate. encourage. even if you don't understand. that's what wins it.

random

2009-10-20T00:26:00.003+11:00

sorry for stuffing y'all around. but thanks for coming. thanks andy. concerts. stolen lemon. miss talking to you. everybody else's parents. can't figure out why it may feel awkward to hug? frick! the 'don't know' club. got a good feeling? too much chiasma love - is there such a thing? programme notes. wearing black. 'no idea'. wearing some colour. lemon on mantlepiece. faure. less than two weeks?! french music. debate. over until exams. exams??? grace.

almost every hour for four days planned and accounted for. worry. too much anxiety. grace.

Childhood III (and not)

2009-10-18T17:42:00.002+11:00

I used to think:
* that people had to get married to somebody of the same ethnic background as themselves. (Borne out of the belief that people had to marry people with the same coloured hair as themselves!)
* that 'detergent' was actually 'letergent'.
* that cars (and other vehicles) weren't rigid, and when they went around corners, the body curved around.
* that 'cholesterol-free' on margarine tubs meant that you didn't pay for the cholesterol, you got it for free in the margaine. Similarly with MSG-free etc.
* that perfect pitch was something that everybody had - I didn't think it was a special skill or anything, and couldn't understand why people couldn't just pick out notes like I could.
* that I wanted to be a doctor, lawyer, marine biologist or architect. Or lecturing at an institution like Oxford, Cambridge, or Harvard. Sigh.
* that uni and college would be completely filled with intellectually engaging people. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty that are (and almsot all my friends are) but there are others.....

I never thought:
* I'd finish high school, let alone finish university....and here I am, two weeks away from the undergraduate instalment...
* I'd actually be studying at university away from home. I'd definitely been eyeing it for a long time, requesting prospectuses from anywhere and everywhere, and doing all the relevant homework. But considering how much it cost, I was pretty sure there was no chance I'd be going anywhere other than UWA...
* he'd know that I ever liked him. Whaddaya know, sometimes boys aren't as dumb as we girls make them out to be, even at the age of fourteen...
* my music would be such a focus of a my life. Not until the last few years, anyway.

I've always thought:
* that I'm a shy and introverted person. Contrary to apparently popular belief...
* I would have the label/stereotype of nerdy Asian... :P Seems it still sticks?!

Stories from Childhood II

2009-10-11T00:01:00.002+11:00

I just went to the London Philharmonic Orchestra concert tonight and it made me think about the fact that it wasn't the first time I've seen them...!
So here we go with another few stories....

This one (the larger picture) I could go on for a very long time if you let me. So maybe I'll just tell the original bit as intended.
In 2002 I was given the amazing opportunity to go on exchange from my school to a wonderful little school in Connecticut, USA. I had a most wonderful time, and still have very fond memories, which pop up every so often. Sometimes there'll be something that happens now and I'll suddenly remember a time at Westover when...
Anyway, the 20th Century Art and History class (I think!) were going on a class trip to Carnegie Hall to see the LPO conducted by Kurt Masur. The ticket was expensive at the time, being a student and given the poor exchange rate. But I thought it would be pretty darn cool, so I coughed it up. And we drove the two hours it was to New York to see the orchestra. We had dinner at some burger place in NYC (Yes, I can say I did that!), remember that the 10% tip worked out to be quite significant, and then went to Carnegie Hall. Wow. I've been there, totally mind-blowing for me now hehe!
The playing was excellent, was all I remember. They played Strauss' Till Eulenspiegel - little did I know that we would be studying this piece in class the following year! Yuri Bashmet also played a viola concerto (I think Walton, did he write one?!). I didn't appreciate who he was at the time. There was also something else on the programme, but obviously something I didn't really know....Ah, so much was lost on me at the age of fifteen! But I do remember it was an excellent concert. Kurt Masur, as I read in tonight's programme and recalled being told about, actually went to the LPO in 2002 from the New York Philhamonic, so there was great sentiment for him in New York so the audience was very excited to hear this great visiting orchestra with a music personality they cherished very much.

Perhaps I might continue on the exchange stories - they're sitll technically my childhood, and they are very strong memories....but if at any time you'd like to hear any more of them, I would love to spill them all, but only if you've got lots of time!

The first (and possibly only, so far?!) assessment I failed was in English II at Westover - the diagnostic grammar test in Bruce Coffin's class. I'd only ever done a little bit of English grammar, and that was largely not at school, but rather out of a workbook that my mum had given me a number of years prior. So apart from classifying simple nouns, verbs, adjectives and adverbs, there were a bunch of other categories, and lots of exceptions - and different terms for when it functioned differently! Now this teacher was one who marked in a very solid-coloured and tipped pen, I recall it was red for this test. I got my test back a week later with a "50 E/F" on it. I'd never got an F before - how disappointing. He asked to speak to me, and he seemed like such a gruff man, I was so scared! But I explained how we didn't do English grammar in Australia and I didn't know much. He understood and accepted, but also pointed out that it was important in this class, as one day of every week was to be spent on grammar, so I needed to learn it, and that every week (Friday morning?) we would have a one-on-one consultation for me to learn grammar. I remember my final report included something along the lines of "I am impressed with the pluck that Gladys goes about learning grammar".

I don't remember much about New Girl Camp. But I know I went, as I have a photo from it! I knwo it was a pretty cool location, with all sorts of fun activities and stuff. We chose which spirit team we wanted to be on (go Overs!) made these posters, wrote our names on the bottom of these wooden boats (which were later floated in the lake with a candle on them...??). And we travelled back on buses in our spirit teams where we learned cheers and got to know the Over heads.

The little music practice room was a pokey little room next to the Assembly Room. I think I was shown it when I asked the music teachers at the school. It was very small, I think it had a brown grand piano in it, and was fairly claustrophobic. But there was this cupboard in there that had all manners of sheet music, which I explored. It was a litle scary though, considering it was a school with many traditions, stories, history....being in there alone in the evening and night felt a little creepy! But I spent quite a few hours away whiling away at my music....

I remember the Red Hall. It was a beautiful room, and as the name suggests, actually red. Red carpet, beautiful wooden furnishings, cute little lounges on each side with tables and banker's lights. I first walked into this place on the Registration Day - it was such a strange experience to walk into a different school knowing that this was going to be somewhere I was going to live and study at for the next term. A few other memories of this particular room include:
i) that night pretty early in the semester when it stormed at night and the fire alarms went off. I was so taken by how well-drilled everybody was in evacuation procedures, and how calm both Zoe and Pam were! We walked to the LBD in our coats-over-pjs, watching the lightning cast an amazing (and scary) picture of the exterior of the school. And the doors were locked - so much for the evacuation meeting spot! We all had to go back into the school and congregate in Red Hall. And the next morning, the school had already come up with a plan for an alternative evacuation meeting spot.
ii) Playing at a community event held at the school. The piano was moved to the landing of the stairs (how, I do not know still!). But the music teachers had asked three of us to play some background music(including one very lovely, but intimidating senior haha). Everything was far too loud so there was much soft pedal and little touch, hardly ideal, but fun nevertheless. I received a letter of thanks afterwards from the organisation (?, the Family Servies of Greater Waterbury? I don't even remember, but I do have it at home, I think!) which was very kind.
iii) Making an announcement at the final Wednesday assembly of the term, where Marie and I presented the library with a couple of books (of Australia, of course haha). Actually, I stood up and held them up for all to see, Marie did all the talking because I was a) too scared to speak in front of all those people! and b) afriad I was going to cry from being so sad that I had to leave so soon!

There was that one time Zoe said she felt like bouncing off the walls, so we did. Literally. It was hilarious. All three of us in our (fairly massive!) triple room, Zoe, Pam and Gladys. We also had parts in the George Washington Bridge song, which we sang while brushing our teeth. I had so much fun with those girls :D And I did also love the rest of my corridor, as well as the other girls who came a'visiting regularly. They were so much fun, such lovely girls. We used to hang out in Tracy's apartment chatting and eating yummy food she cooked for us (especially the bit of time between Study Hall and In-Room/Lights Out), watching old school Disney movies, playing with her two sons, furiously write emails and chat in the pods (hehe! I def. remember that!), talk on the phone in the phone cupboard (not kidding, 'cupboard'!). There were quite a few rules, but they never felt imposing, nor unfair. It seemed that everybody respected them and abided by them (for the consequences were very serious if not!) and they weren't there to be broken but rather so that everything functioned smoothly and well. I'd never seen anything else like it before, and possibly anything since!

In choosing classes, I was allocated a few that they thought would be suitable for me, and gave me a few options. English II was a necessary, and I was also allocated to a maths class, 'North vs South' (American History), Astronomy and I requested to study Latin I. Marie and I went to a few Astronomy classes, which were very interesting - Terry Hallaran was obviously very interested in it and was so enthusiastic about teaching it and imparting knowledge to his students. On the first day, we attended this class in the science classes (which we struggled to find!) and in that first class we were asked about how the stars and stuff looked different in the southern hemisphere. Heck, I hardly gaze up at night, but luckily the Southern Cross is on the Australian flag, so we mentioned something about it as being an important constellation, thankfully to his satisfaction! I however, decided that Astronomy was not a class I was interested in - if anything, I wanted to do something like Chemistry, but I think I wasn't given the option, or realised that there would be far too many hours than I was interested in, so I decided not to take any science for the term! The history class was mostly made up for Seniors and Juniors, so I know I felt pretty out of place being a sophomore. I think they wanted us to take an American history course, considering we were exchange students (rather than the European history course that most sophomores take). It was a very stimulating class, and Lisa Marie made history very exciting. It was possibly one of the best history courses I've taken at any time in my education. And we received a copy of the American Declaration of Independance and Constitution in a little maroon-covered book. I still have it at home. I wanted to study Latin because I didn't have the opportunity at home, and it was something I was interested in. The instructor, Chris Sweeney, was an excellent teacher. The class was small (five of us?) so it was intimate and we had plenty of speaking time. Chris expected much of us, but was encouraging when we weren't quite so confident or competent just yet. And he had the most intense stare, espcially after he asked you a question (eg. "Can you tell me what case the........is?" Insert piercing look that questions you expecting great things here). He was such a dedicated teacher; I particularly remember during the study day(s?) he was willing to stay at school in the evening till after the study hall that day to help us with last-minute revision (for the exam the next day!) across the boards of his classroom. That's dedication.
The math class, I'm not sure I ever made it to that one. But somehow I figured out pretty quickly that the math class for 'normal' sophomores was not for me and I didn't want to be bored (see previous Stories from Childhood post about my mathematics education). I ended up in Sarkis' class, Pre-Calculus, which was mostly Juniors (a couple of seniors?), which was pretty intimidating - I didn't want to be 'that exchange student in the sophomore class who thinks she's really smart'. But I had a couple of really nice friends who were welcoming about it all. I did pretty well in the class - there were a few different ways that they taught stuff, but I suppose it's like they say in that movie, math is the same in every country! I particularly liked the fact that I knew a bit of the stuff we started off doing, but also learnt some other stuff along the way (which turned out to be stuff that I learnt in math classes the following year back in Australia!). And the boards on the other walls of the classroom (not already with windows) where we'd all solve a problem at the same time. The intention of the boards was so that the teacher could ask a question, and everybody could work it out on the board, and then we could look at how everybody else did it - collaborative (not the right word?!) learning. Interactive, maybe. It was great! I also remember gonig to a few one-on-one consultations with Sarkis, who was very kind and encouraging of my progress in math. My grade had nothing to do with how I was supposed to learn.

I was also in the Fall production of Claire Luce Booth's 'The Women', with the inimitable Marla. I'd never been in a play before. I think I took drama so I could avoid playing sport (field hockey or soccer. I'm really unco, truly.....). So over the course of the term, we selected a play, auditioned for parts, got the roles, rehearsed, put together the set, costumes and what nots. What an amazing experience! I had lines to learn as homework (however many it was...a fair few!). I auditioned for the part of the only non-adult (hah) in the play, the 7-or-so-year-old daughter of one of the main characters; I think I was the only person that wanted that particular role, so I suppose I was very lucky! We performed the show twice, I think (or maybe once, I don't even remember!). It was wonderful to be in the class with girls from other classes, especially the very talented seniors and juniors who were very kind and welcoming. I was lucky to play with Sara as my mother (what fun!) and to discuss American burgers with Crystal, hang with Molly....among many other things.

Alas, as mentioned before, I could go on for a long time about my time at Westover. It was truly wonderful, and a very life-forming experience. But it is late, and there are many stories, not enough time, and not enough energy at the present to tell them all.
Until next time....

Six months

2009-10-04T01:07:00.002+10:00

I just want six months to not have an institutionalised schedule (much as it mostly works for me). Six months to sleep a decent number of hours each night. Six months to take time for myself. Six months to keep building relationships, and care more about the ones I have neglected for the past year. Six months of not functioning at 70% every day, and to not be constantly sick. Six months of exploring, learning, developing personally. Six months to be able to say yes to things I'd really like to do. Six months to spend time growing. Six months to see if I'm able to do freelance work (scary thought). Six months of not feeling like I'm always behind. Six months of not feeling under-prepared for so much. Six months of not doing stuff I don't particularly enjoy. Six months of being able to catch up with friends, able to spend time how I want to, and to care more.
I'm not sure how I'm going to do it, nor how I'm able to explain it. But I'm pretty sure I need it.

Random stories from childhood

2009-10-01T20:17:00.002+10:00

I've been thinking in the last little while about various stories of my life. I think most of it is pretty boring, but when I try to re-tell it to myself or consider it from a more mature perspective, I find they are quirky. So I thought I'd try to re-tell some of them.....
In no particular order:

* Our family has been in Australia for seventeen years. I remember bits of it hazily, the whole leaving part. We had been staying at my mother's brother's house in KL and my aunt was pregant at the time. The day we left for Australia was the day that my cousin was born, so when his birthday rolls around each year, we remember how many years we've been here.
It was quite strange. I don't really remember much about it, except that at the airport, my parents and extended were very sad. Everybody was crying. I didn't understand why, I just thought we'd see them again soon. Youthful ignorance...

* I got my first mobile phone at the age of about seventeen. It was an old model from my cousin, which I didn't mind. It was the first time I had a phone! It was pretty exciting. I remember trying to figure out predictive text by myself for the first time and getting so confused and frustrated that I vowed to not use it. But I asked a friend of mine and she explained it all. Since then, I've used predictive text.. :P

* Taking Food and Nutrition classes at high school were great fun. They were essentially cooking classes. It was an elective in grades nine and ten, which I elected to take. I pretty much didn't know how to cook before that. I still don't feel overly confident in the kitchen, but the classes were good at least for letting me try stuff! I also took Cake Decorating in grade ten, much to the amusement and enjoyment of my brother. Subject selection in pre-TEE serious years requires one to put in a ranking of subjects that one would like to take. Not all of them have to be ranked, indicating that you don't want to take the subject at all. I indicated Cake Decorating at No. 5 (my last preference), thinking that it was such a low rank that there was no way that I'd be taking it. Much to my surprise, however, it turned up on my timetable. I was actually an average student in that class, but again, not very confident. And possibly the funnest slack class because of what we were doing, although I have to admit that I didn't enjoy the people in my class overly much.

* In year 8 Maths, possibly in the first class (which was already somewhat streamed), Mrs Sawyer gave us a diagnostic test. It was possibly one of the easiest things I'd done, and subsequently got it all right. The teacher soon after spoke to me and told me it'd be boring to keep me back through high school if I had already learnt lots of the stuff. So she had a meeting with my parents later, and my proposed maths schedule for the next few years was as such: I would take Yr 8 maths as per normal, and in Yr 9, I would study both Yr9 and Yr10 Maths. The teacher for both my yr 8 and 10 maths was the same so she could spend one day a week teaching me the material and helping me out. And then the plan was that by the time I got into Yr 10, I could take one of the Yr 11 maths, and in Yr 11 take one of the TEE maths, giving me more space in my schedule to fit in another TEE subject if I so desired. So in yr 10, I was going to one of my yr10 math classes with friends in my year, but my maths class was the Yr 11 Geometry and Trigonometry class. Now, it is a fairly strange concept in Perth (or at my school) at least that girls in different years are in the same class. The system works by what grade you are in. So, I felt a bit of a loner in this class, even though I knew of most of the girls. Thankfully, there were some very kind people, and the class members as a whole were nice. As it turns out, I was doing well in Yr 9 with the extra maths simultaneously, but ended up going on exchange halfway through yr10. Therefore, when I came back to St Mary's in yr 11, I re-enrolled in Geometry and Trigonometry (with possibly the same teacher??) again and took the class (and the subsequent year) as per 'normal' with my year.

* In pre-primary, which I attended for about two and a half months when we first moved to Australia, we had a Christmas event at the end of the year. Our class put on a 'production' of Wombat Stew. (Classic!). I remember I was one of the animals and had to wear a mask, and dance around in a circle. Fun.
Then 'Santa' came to give out presents and visit us. Our parents had been prior to this to provide a present for their child that Santa could distribute. I don't think I ever believed in Santa, and this was well and truly confirmed at the age of five when this Santa gave me a present, and it was a box of coloured pencils, very similar to a number of other boxes of very similar coloured pencils we had in a drawer at home.

* My brother and I used to share a room at at old house. The room itself was actually fairly large. We had a cavity in the wall where the old TV sat - spoiled children much?!?! Admittedly, we didn't watch it that much...although I do remember towards the end of our time there watching some cricket (for the most part, dead boring to me!). My bedtime was usually earlier than my brother's, but sometimes if I hadn't fallen asleep, I'd hear him being tucked in. Or sometimes he was noisy, and I'd get woken up and be very annoyed! He also breathes quite loudly which used to annoy me out of my brain that sometimes I'd poke him until he turned the other way... :P

* I've had relatives and other family friends tell me that I have my maternal grandfather's facial shape. It's funny, I don't really communicate much with my grandparents as both of my mum's parents don't really speak English (my grandfather not at all), and I suppose largely because most of my childhood was spent growing up away from them. So to have a physical link to my grandparents (besides the obvious one) is something that makes me think that I really am identifiable with my family, but still in a distanced way.

That's it for today's installment. More random stories to come another day....

How did it get to be halfway through already??

2009-09-26T22:25:00.002+10:00

Wow, the first week has gone by so quickly!
Holidays....NOT......
'Non-teaching period' just means I don't have to go to my oh-so-strenuous twelve hours of class. That doesn't mean that it's not trying though....which I assure you, some of it is!
I've had some rehearsals, which have been good. I've already watched two trashy chick flicks in boredom. I've cooked a little. I went shopping last weekend with A & E for jeans (successful, yay!) and little else, pity. Oh well.
Had a Quintet Day, which involved a rehearsal, Yum Cha for lunch and an OV concert. It was fun :) The boundaries blur a little with these things - sometimes not a good thing, I suppose in other professions, but perhaps good at this stage??
Sorry if I can't manage to squeeze you in this coming week. Help me out here, it's pretty crazy...

Monday 28th: Morning practice; 2pm Rehearsal; 4pm Play in Horn Masterclass. There's supposed to be three people, but one hasn't contacted me, so I hope she's not expecting me to play for her..

Tuesday 29th: Morning practice; Lunch with my cousin whom I haven't seen for about seven years (!!); Vocal Ensemble rehearsal 3pm; 4.15 meeting with a classmate for a tute presentation; Back at college for 5.30 shift of SCR duty

Wednesday 30th: Trio rehearsal in the morning; Own practice; 3pm Rehearsal at South Melbourne; 4pm Play in horn masterclass. Have to learn 1st movement of Hindemith in four days...eek!! Night: Mnozil Brass concert. If you haven't seen these guys, check it out on YouTube, they're pretty cool! I incidentally also won tickets to another concert on the same night, but unfortunately can't be in two places at the same time. If anybody figures out how, let me know. I would owe you big time.

Thursday 1st: Quintet Day, involving two tutes (eek!), thankfully (hopefully?!) separated by lunch, hopefully followed by Guitar Hero.....supposed to be on duty in the evening too, but desparately trying to swap it!!

Friday 2nd: Morning practice; soundcheck for weekend in the morning; possibly a concert to play in at 12pm; Play in Horn Masterclass (but nobody's contacted me yet, so who knows?!?!)

Saturday 3rd: Trio; 1.30pm Russian concert (some celebratory concert, where we're playing Kurtag, which is possibly the very opposite of celebratory, considering that the last movement of 6mins duration, which is half the piece, is a slow passacaglia of approximately 25-30bars resembling death....) Should be hilariously awkward :P 2pm Engagement Party #1; 7.30pm Engagement Party #2

Sunday 4th: Somebody remind me to change my clock....
MSV Comp 2.30pm We're playing sometime in the concert.....

So sorry if I can't fit you in, I'll try my best...but I'm supposedly also working on two group presentations, preparing accompaniment for possibly two important auditions, doing a few assignments (huh, what??), keeping on top of stuff. No wonder I haven't had time to work on my own solo stuff :( That's ok, something has to give, right?

And if anybody can help me out with why blogger is not in the nice new formatting style that doesn't have this awful old-school font, I would be very appreciative.

Other thoughts have included:
Why am I playing so much 20th/21st century music? And what's with the sharp increase (read, infinity-sized) of Hindemith in the past three weeks? From nothing to two!
And why aren't I going to Tasmania with anybody? Please tell me somebody is going, and I can hang with them?!?! I'm scared..!
Also have not liked thinking about life after this year :( What to do, where to live. It's scary and I don't know.
I adore playing and hanging out with you guys. You're wonderful :)
I miss you guys heaps, I feel like I've lost touch with you because I've been so busy :( How to make it go back to how it was???
I always thought I was one of those people who knew exactly what was going on, and always had a plan. Now I'm not so sure. And I'm not sure if I like it. Nor if I can trust that it's all going to work out nicely.

Found about AYO stuff last week.....and I clicked the green 'Accept' button for 2010 Chamber Music Camp. I'm excited, should be good. Though I'm a little scared, because my wind/brass/percussion friends obviously can't do it. So I hope I know some people, or at least get on really well with the people I'll be playing with *scared smile*

Melbourne's being Melbourne again, of course. A week and a day ago, it was the most beautiful day - ate lunch in the sun and absorbed amounts of Vitamin D. We even went for gelate in the afternoon and B & I stayed out talking in the park till he had to head off. It was great! And then somehow the past few days have turned to winter....*dislike* I don't get it!!

A two week reprieve?

2009-09-20T12:32:00.003+10:00

Finally, the mid-semester break, which is positioned not mid-semester. Whatever.
It has been a crazy past two months; I've tried to keep smiling through all of August and as much September has happened. I don't think I realised how hard it was going to be to consistently putting my body and brain under so much pressure, day-in day-out with not much rest in-between it all.
There have been class performances, rehearsals extraordinaire, phone calls back and forth, not being able to get onto people, assignemnts to look forward to (urgh), an enjoyable football match, a mini (or not so insignificant) Victorian road-trip to Geelong and Ballarat, fun times playing and hanging out backstage, Asian photos, meeting K.Rudd, a couple of trips to South Melbourne, fun playing times, extra meetings here and there.....
And that was within two weeks...

So, there are two weeks of 'Non-teaching' which apparently ≠ holidays. Well, I'm pretty sure that is true in my case.
Here is what needs to be done:
*Australian Economic History: write essay; tute prep (working in advance on a presentation a classmate and I have to do in week 10); lecture/tute reading
*Experimental Economics: Assignment (tute presentation with two other classmates); reading; problem set

Question: How did I end up with two tute presentations in my final semester of university? I think I've only ever done two in my entire degree(s!) so far!!

*Accounting: Quickbooks assignment (gross), possibly after learning HOW to use Quickbooks in the first place..; tute prep; reading I haven't done for the past.....errr...seven weeks :S; learning material I haven't understood for the past....six weeks.... :S
How did first year subjects get so hard?!?!

*Organise Chamber Music stuff, including tutes and dates for exams..
*Have rehearsals for Vocal Ensemble, for a Composition project
*Think about next year (actually suspecting this is losing all novelty value very quickly as it looms and is scary. If anybody would like to help me out, I would love you forever...)
*Rehearsals for auditions/other fun stuff....
*Work: Library, also possibly a teaching gig, MIFB (horn masterclasses woo!)
*Trio rehearsals woo! And a concert for some Russian celebratory thing......I can't really remember the details, but all I know is that it's going to be hilarious (as we're playing the Kurtag, not very 'celebratory'...) and really awkward :P
*Quintet days! Day 1: Rehearsal, lunch, concert Day 2: Tutes. Yes, multiple. With lunch in-between. And possibly some fun shenanigans afterwards to chill out :) Fun-ness.
*Go to concerts, including MIFB stuff, possibly others...??

Yes....so....that 'holiday' ey....?

a few points

2009-09-07T22:37:00.002+10:00

* So, I said that it'd be less busy this week. Whatever. About ten rehearsals in all this week. Eek. STRESS (just a little)
* Subsequently, have cancelled work, and possibly will cancel all other things that aren't super-pressing. Sorry :(
* In that promo video when asked "Who are you?" I should have said, with the sign to accompany, "I'm Asian!". Probably one-third of the church would have cried with laughter, some more than others. :D The best ideas always come after the actual thing. Everybody already knew I was crazy, little and eccentric.....
* Essaying not going so well. Gross. So hard. Interesting, but hard.
* Really enjoying this version of the Beethoven - piano part so interesting, why can't I play like that?
* Desk needs some serious cleaning. I'm serously contemplating paying somebody to do it for me...as well as the rest of the house...
* Still debating about next weekend. Ahh, don't know what to decide. At first, I was like, "totally yes!" but now I'm not so sure. Cop out, ey? Sigh...
* I'm exhausted
* As I trammed into the city, away from uni, to South Melbourne today (in the middle of the day!) I felt this thing that said 'Wow, this is so liberating!' and didn't really feel like returning to the real world of uni...sadness!

Crazy times

2009-09-05T23:00:00.003+10:00

Fun happenings -
Music Ball: Cool big band (yes, that's right, live music!), a night to party with some awesome friends (unfortunately not all of them came, but that's ok), a swanky venue, many people dressed to the 20s theme, crazy dancing, fun photos, hat-stealing, nice bathrooms, chips and salad with our main, delicious dessert, a hilarious piggy-back race along the pier, standing around trying to figure out what to do after the ball (we stood around for about half an hour hah), maxi-taxi-ing.

Dinner with friends: sometimes at short notice. Been very impressed that they've happened, as I usually am one of thsoe people who doesn't do short notice that well. One was some beautiful pumpkin soup. The other was a drive to Burwood for some long-overdue catching up. And another was brought round to do some communal cooking. 'Tis been good.

Lunch (yum-cha): after quintet rehearsal. Three out of the five of us (I think!) had never eaten it before, so it was all a bit of fun. And tasty it was!

Concerts: Melb Uni Orchestra. Interesting - I hear lots about the happenings of orchestra through these string/woodwind/brass friends of mine...times like this that I wish I played one of those! Oh well...had a small though dedicated contingent to come hear the very Romantic programme (Mussourgsky, Rachmaninoff, Tchaikovsky). Also had MYO concert - more Rachmaninoff (Symphonic Dances) which has a cool piano part in the first movement. Fun concert, really good concert. Ravel 'La Valse' and Shostakovich 2nd piano concerto also on the menu. If you haven't heard the 2nd movt of the Shosta before, DO IT. Most beautiful thing I've heard in a long time!

Trio-ing & Quintet-ing: Plugging away at both. I think I go through phases where one seems to be going better then the other one. But I love them both very much - I couldn't bear to pick between them if I had to! This semester is very different repertoire to each other (unlike Mozart wash in E Flat Major like last!) - there is Beethoven Quintetting (similar to Mozart, but different too) and Trio-ing with Kurtag and Smit. Both 20th-century. Both quite different to Mozart!
We played some Beethoven in a couple of classes already - felt a little bit unprepared personally but it's getting there. Just need to sit down and do it, and not rely on how awesome the individual players are! Aired Kurtag yesterday in class - it's quite interesting, very Webern-like in some ways, very dramatic elsewhere. But it went down really well yay! Smit *should* be fairly straightforward to put together - there are some seriously sexy harmonies in that!

Have had super-long days of uni, especially Thursdays. Some longer than others. Including one fine example: 8am at uni to practice, 9.30am rehearsal in Melba, 10am Accounting lecture, 11am play in Concert Class, 12pm Australian Economic History lecture, 1.15pm Careers seminar, 2.15-3.45pm Experimental Economics class, 4.15-6.15pm Vocal Ensemble, 7.30pm Seminar at Trinity, 8.45pm collapse at home ready to fall into bed....

Have had a few things due at uni too; did quite well in my first two commerce assignments - Accounting (thanks to my tutor for guiding me!) and Australian Ec. History (Argument maping with cool software....anyway, the piont of this was to say that I didn't think I did a great job of it, mine was only A4 fairly small type, and I didn't think that I'd covered the points that well, but still did really well even though I was really worried when I saw other people's A3 tiny type).

Practically threw Mozart Miscellany together to a fairly high degree of success. It was a bit disconcerting that the repertoire was mostly very comfortable - not sure if I've ever experienced something like that before! ACU were very welcoming, some familiar faces in the crowd (thanks guys!) and the sextet were of course, amazing :) Love your work!

Played for Hephzibah Menuhin prelims. Had a little break in the middle, so went to a very nice cafe to have a HoCho date where we sat under the stairs. 'Twas beautiful :) Found out 'we' got into the instrument finals - was informed with this message: "We're in". I love how little we sometimes need to say, we're just on this different wavelength. I suppose that happens when you've known someone for a while and worked intensely with them, it's good. I like those partnerships.

Which segueways really well into this next point.....

I really like workshopping things and developing a relationship with people when I play with them - for me it's quite personal. I know they say it works better when you click musically, but I also am a big fan of clicking personally. Which is why I've found myself through the course of this year caring much for my trio and quintet (and also sextet!) and those people - they're the ones I see myself as aligned to. And that's not really the case at the Academy - they put things together on an ad hoc basis and pull people together as required. And there isn't really structure to how it operates. And even though my stuff and times change all the time, having some sort of structure with definites is my thing. And I'm not ready to undertake their super-rigorous programme just yet. Maybe next year, dunno. Not sure. So I officially withdrew my application.
But I'm thankful that my long-held belief that boys don't talk was shattered when I had alluded to one friend in a text message that I wasn't so sure about my audition, talked to another friend about it briefly and then the first friend called me that evening after talking to friend 2. I'm pretty chuffed to discover that they do indeed talk. And I was really thankful that friend 1 called (and that friend 2 also was concerned).
Anyway, so I actually decided, and thought it'd be important to let friend 1 and 2 know, along with some others. And I felt really relieved when I rang them up. The lady who I talked to was very kind - the conversation went a bit like this:
Me: "I'd like to talk to somebody about my audition"
Lady: "Yes, I can do that, when is your audition scheduled for?"
Me: "Tomorrow, 3.40pm. I'd actually like to officially withdraw my application."
Lady: "You don't want to reschedule? We can find a different day for you if you'd like"
Me: "Thank you, but I'm sure I would like to not audition at all as I don't think it'll be necessary.." (etc. other stuff)
Yes! She was so nice that she wanted to double-check that I didn't want a rescheduled time. She was quite comforting too, and it made me feel like I wasn't putting them at great inconvenience, which is something I don't particularly like doing either.

So, a serious load lifted after I hung up. And of course, I managed to land myself another four gigs after withdrawing for the next week and a half. Hah. What would my life be if it wasn't like this? :P A couple of them VERY short notice, but I did ok, I think.

But the recent tumblings and turnings especially of the last two and a bit weeks have made me realise how fortunate and blessed I am to have these amazing friends. Those that I know continue to support me even though I suddenly become absent and snowed under, those that will pray when I ask them, those that will check in with me to see if it's all going ok, those that call or text or email and put a smile on my face, those that would disagree with my decisions but still support me, those that give up their time to help me out, those that let me be silly and crazy and help me just relax and smile even if for a little while. Thank you, you guys are amazing.

I think I've cried more in the past three weeks than in the past while I can remember - perhaps....previous three months?! It has been a tough August, rolling into September. But I think (hope?!) I'm on the upswing - it can only get better!
And remember, we just gotta keep on truckin' and keep smiling....

One person

2009-08-29T21:25:00.002+10:00

You know how through school many people have that one best friend?
I figured out pretty early on that I didn't have just that one person. Instead, I liked having several really close friends, the ones that I couldn't bestow the title of 'best friend' upon, because the others would be disappointed.
I've quite liked the idea of having several, and grown into the notion that this is totally sustainable :) You know, good friends for different things. It may well be hard to have that one person understand absolutely everything (even though they may try!) unless they're pretty much the same as you - and that would be weird....!

On the flipside, what happens when you're in a place where you need to talk to somebody and you can't quite put your finger on the right person to listen? That's the tricky part...
as well as when it's commonly assumed that just because you're an old-hand at the stuff around here doesn't mean you don't have moments of weakness

Music

2009-08-12T21:29:00.002+10:00

I hope music will never not be a part of my life.
Even though it feels like I'm spending a lot of my time at The Spot, the new Economics and Commerce building, and a lot of my time is spent reading textbooks that explain theory, and articles about different perspectives and history. I can't say I've ever worked so hard in a different way before - I'd almost forgotten what it was to have to sit down at a desk and study so much! On the flipside, it is possible to bring some of this homework out and about, like on public transport, or to uni to fill in an hour here and there.

The Uni Orchestra is playing a concert on Monday night. Unfortunately, there is no orchestral piano in either of programmes this semester, so I am bitterly disappointed that I won't spend any of my final semester doing orchestra with uni. Thank goodness for MYO and that Rachmaninoff's Symphonic Dances has a fairly significant piano solo in the first movement! One of the pieces the uni orchestra is playing is Mussorgsky's "Night on a Bald Mountain". (It was going to be John Adams' "Short Ride in a Fast Machine" which has two optional synthesiser parts, but alas, it was not to be so!).

The Mussorgsky has a very special place in my heart, actually....that, along with Tchaikovsky's Cappricio Italien were the first two pieces I ever played in a symphony orchestra. It was part of the Shell Concert Combined Orchestra, which was the grand finale of a concert that featured the public secondary schools' music programmes (largely made up of Churchlands, Perth Mod, Rossmoyne, other large public schools). The combined orchestra was auditioned - I think it was the first external audition I did, at least on violin. I was actually in year seven, one of only two - the rest of the orchestra were secondary school students, so I felt really special that I was chosen!

It was the first time I had a sectional - it was a little scary, I was playing 2nd violin in the second or third desk, and having to all play our one part in this sectional was intimidating, because I was supposed to be playing the same thing as everybody else. Of course, I didn't really know how to approach this all, so I hadn't listened to the repertoire (this is what happens when you're twelve and have never heard of doing this sort of thing before!). But I struggled through the first sectional and resolved to practice my part so I didn't feel or sound like an idiot the next time.

By the time the full orchestra came together, I was fairly overwhelmed with all the new instruments and their sounds. It was a pretty amazing feeling - I didn't know what an oboe or a french horn was previously, and suddenly they had all these bits! We were conducted by Trevor Green, who I distinctly remember thinking was very cool, because he had been Principal Cellist with the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra (somewhere that sounded really good!). There is one bit in the Tchaikovsky where he wanted the strings to sort of sound 'muddy' - in the swirling way, swirling down and becoming a rich pool (rather than being messy!). And the end of that piece introduced me to beating in one! Boy, was that fast, I thought!

The concert was pretty amazing, except for the last little bit in the Tchaikovsky - there was a minor miscommunication and the oboe was cued wrongly, and everybody in the orchestra knew where it was supposed to sound, and we were all singing it in our heads as the conductor and oboist desparately tried to pull it all together. But overall it went very successfully. And what an amazing feeling it was - the sound was glorious, and audience loved it. I felt so proud to be part of that.

Subsequent involvement in orchestras have been amazing for me - from Combined Anglican Schools' concerts (on violin), right through to the Australian Youth Orchestra. Some of the funnest repertoire I have played has been in orchestra, on violin. CAS concerts have included the Pergolesi Mass (I think?! I know it was Baroque, was chamber orchestra - so cool! And there was a great choir, and AB worked really hard!), Bizet's 'Jeux d'Enfants', 'Mars' and 'Jupiter' from Holst's 'The Planets', amazing settings/compositions of William Blake's 'The Tyger' and 'The Lamb'. I was also very fortunate to have a director of music at my high school who pushed really hard for us year nines to be in the orchestra (apparently not that frequent because there are lots of people across six schools who play violin!). In school orchestras, we explored some great string music - some of the stuff on tour: parts of Dvorak's Serenade for Strings, as well as the Elgar, Britten's Simple Symphony; we tried Barber's Adagio for Strings, Vaughan William's Fantasia on Greensleves, and Vivaldi's Concerto for Four Violins in b minor (there was a very good reason why they put us four girls across that front!).

Don't get me wrong, it has been amazing to play keyboard in the orchestra - there has been the thrill of West Side Story, the amazing feeling I got when across the 30-odd metres of the orchestra, the double basses and piano lined up in the first movement of Shostakovich 5. Or when the celeste is used as the most amazing orchestral colour, at the most poignant moments.

I have been very blessed to have such amazing orchestral experiences - something that has resulted from being a pianist so enthusiastic to get into orchestra (at least partly because most of my friends were playing in orchestra!), and learning violin for a number of years, and having some great teachers who pushed hard for me to have opportunities.

Something different

2009-07-28T22:16:00.002+10:00

Two days of uni done. Not too many hours, but it's been strange. Not because I haven't had that much uni and have been around for long hours. That would be expected.
No, something quite different....
I technically only have three hours of music classes this semester. This makes me very upset. I'm taking three commerce classes - this makes me really scared.....
So that leaves little music, which has been so unlike anything else I've done for the past four and a half years. Hence the difference.
But being me, I'm trying to do as much music as I can fit in - so this means extra chamber music (ie. more than required), accompanying where I can, being involved in all sorts of projects (think: opera, vocal fun, other collaborations. Wow, I love collaborations).

Am taking things that could either sound terribly dry or interesting, depending on which way you look at it:
* Accounting Reports and Analysis. Unfortunately, I think this sits squarely in the dry category. I'm hoping that I understand Accounting...it's a 1st year subject, and hopefully having tackled things like Econometrics, I will already have learnt the value of persistance and hard work and apply that to Accounting.
* Australian Economic History. I've always been quite interested in history, just never really done it at all. But I just started reading a book "A Concise History of Australia" tonight. It's a weird sensation.....
There is much reading for this subject - two whole readers! I've never done this much reading for any single subject haha. But I'm taking it because Jeff Borland is teaching it. Hopefully it's interesting.
* Experimental Economics. So far the most interesting class - the first class of the week is spent doing an experiment that simulates a famous economic experiment. The second class is devoted discussing the results and explaining theory and how it works or fails. It is the most interesting, for several reasons. Firstly, the subject material, I think. And the way the class works. Sometimes we'll do an experiment with no idea what theory we are considering. Secondly, the class is small (rare in my experience of the Eco & Comm fac); about 15-20 students. And there are postgrad students, and PhD students. Eek! I feel really young, and seriously dumb already! Thirdly, one randomly selected student in the class each week will receive the earnings he/she earns in the experiment from the lecturer. Yes, that's right - apart from the intrinsic interest we all should have to attend the class, there is also an incentive!

So, at the moment I'm feeling a little intimidated by what it means to be a commerce student. Of course, my usual lifestyle equates to much music-king, inside and outside of uni requirements. I suppose now there will be much more attributed to the 'outside' argument! I'm supposedly preparing for an audition in a month's time (EEEK!!!!!); thankfully I've already done my AYO audition (not sure about how that went, but oh well....can't do much about that now). I heard back from AISOI, with a positive response - now I'm just getting a bit frustrated with the fact that they aren't replying to me hopefully regarding reduced costs associated with reduced programme length for me as a pianist (not required 2nd week). But I think I'm keen to do the programme, it looks exciting, and will be a good opportunity. I would just be sad if my friends aren't going too...I know, kinda sounds like a dumb reason, but I do care (yes, I'm human!).

Trying to get on top of assessment dates and the like (eek, scary commerce subjects!), and sorting out my life at present. Hopefully it works out soon enough.....

Will be playing in the 3rd MYO concert this year (hehe...I've managed to be playing in MYO for the majority of this year!), Rachmaninoff Symphonic Dances - great piano part! Unfortunately, Uni Orchestra has no orchestral keyboard stuff, so our grand vision of "How awesome would it be if we were all principal in the final orchestra concert of uni???" isn't going to happen with all of us :( I wonder why I picked a non-orchestral instrument......!

It's all getting a bit busy at the present - weekend plans may have to be dampened to get all this work done! Hopefully I'll get on top of it. I'll try to keep being the bubbly person I am, apologies if I can't all the time - please be patient with me, because I'm not sure if I'll enjoy this semester as much as I normally do.

Holidays?

2009-07-05T23:47:00.002+10:00

So that planned sleep-in for the day straight after the exam period finished? That didn't really happen...there was much to do: go to the market, practice some piano, do some shopping. Pity I only lasted about two and a half hours with the shopping...

But the holidays had started in my usual style - busy. Stuff to do, places to go, people to see :)
Went to ANAM concert courtesy of E with comp tickets. Rang about four friends to see if they wanted to come, because I knew they'd be particularly interested, but they were in the wrong city, or had something else on, or were sick. Lame. Whatever haha. Ended up going with C; quite a few friends went, so it wasn't a completely solitary affair!

Anyway...so shopping......how un-girly of me. I bought a pair of jeans and a(nother black) top. Didn't break the bank either, which I always like. Did get accosted by cosmetic stand guy who got annoyed when I said I didn't want to buy his product. Collected photo print-outs. They're currently adorning my walls and stuff. They're very happy. Many to do with music....which makes me v. happy :)

Had a couple of rehearsals for another 3MBS Live at the Convent performance that I did with A. It was fun. And pretty good...especially because we'd put it together three days before the actual thing (Note: it's a live broadcast!). I suppose it shows what can be done when you've been playing together (at least fairly regularly) for the last two and a half years....it's nice :) I like that there are a few people for which that holds, and that it means we can do stuff easily. Or just build on that. :)

Spent a lovely Monday lunch in the sun (most of the time, unless it went behind the clouds). It was nice just to eat, and to relax and chill out. Don't get me wrong, I like working hard (be it at the piano, or organising on the email or something like that), but there is a beauty to relaxing with friends over food in beautiful weather.

Then did 3MBS on Tuesday. We caught the bus for the first time in Melbourne. Like, a public transport service bus (that wasn't a tram replacement). It was pretty exciting hehe. And thankfully, easy too! The bakery was strangely (and I'm hoping, uncharacteristicxally) not as good as normal. But we sufficed. Even with ho-chos that were really milky most of the way until the bottom when it all hit us...even with cups that were really cool (think popping a little bit in the top to create the lip!)

Had MRC stuff for Chamber Music Comp that night.....including a welcome reception where the room was full of very important people. Introduced myself to Dame Elisabeth Murdoch though, that was pretty cool. Then off to Fitzroy for a 'celebratory drink'. Really arty place, really not *really* our thing, but it was fun anyway. And at the least, amusing to peek in on the Improvisation going on upstairs!

Pretty chilled the next day - practice. Catch up with a friend, of to MRC. (3rd time in 5 days, never been so often to that place until this week!) Helped out a little....ran into some familiar faces, which was nice. Enjoy the concert very much.

Did an audition the next day....don't worry, I'd been practicing for the days leading up to it too! It's one good way of keeping busy! As I told a friend later, "Oh, it took about forty minutes all up!" That is, one audition. It's like that, I suppose. But I can understand his reaction ("Forty minutes?!?!"), I suppose most auditions don't actually go for that long haha! Went to Winter Jam that night (played keys tonight woo!) then was really hungry (as I have been getting at 10pm this week, just been eating dinner really early because I've needed to be at places fairly early in the evening), so went to get some churros with a friend. So. Tasty. As another friend has once put it, "Churros are just deep-fried and covered in oil"....but I enjoyed it all the same, especially covered in chocolate :)

I said I was going to take Friday off. But no. I had this moment of "Oh, what shall I do?" And the obvious answer was Practice! So that I did. But it was really relaxed. Like, reading through stuff, taking it easy. It was beautiful. And then M and I read through a couple of gorgeous French songs. :) Did some more ushering that night (watching concert too!), asked for another ticket (our allocation was 2) so that a friend could come along. Always makes it more fun when you go to a concert with somebody (not that I haven't gone by myself, or that there wouldn't be people, I suppose!) but that you can definitely discuss it with that person! And the company is always appreciated :)
Stayed around after that for a little while talking to people, which was cool. Then headed up to F's house for her going-away party. It was really nice. Just really sad at the end. Yes, there were waterworks. :( I will miss her lots, but she'll be back here for a bit here and there. And it's thankfully not *too* far away.

Actually took yesterday off from practice. I mean that. Did not touch the piano. Quite liberating, a little scary. Better not get too used to it!
But slept in, called home (took a little while!), then it was lunchtime already haha. Went off in the afternoon to have a Chiasma meeting. Stayed talking for a little while, then hopped on a tram to come home for a bit. Ran into the people I was going to have dinner with on the way home, which was pretty funny (they had just come back from the footy). Chilled out, fluffed around a little. Went to diner. Fun-ness. But had to wait for a while, which was a pity, but we dealt. Food was so good. Arguments were funny.
Atari/Intellivision. Forks/spoons. Splades/sporks.
We ate so well.
Then we played fooseball. Some are much better than others. That's ok. :)

Also had a pretty relaxing day today.....bit of practice, a lot of nothinging-around. Watched 'my' trio online....(the one I was supposed to be page-turning for but they didn't realise, so they asked one of their friends, so I was out of that job...oh well....But they were in the finals, so I watdhed. And they WON the trio section woo! Anyway..)
Started packing. Wow, I always remember/forget (I know they're contradictory terms..) how much I dislike it. As well as unpacking, when I get around to it.. :S

And now it's already in the "All Night Classics" segment on radio..which means it's late.....
Oh well, I'll sleep well tomorrow.

Anyway...
It has been an amazing semester. Despite the stress, frustrations and what nots, I have enjoyed most of it! Particularly the music of it all. I just seem to find ways to play even more each semester, but I love it. And I do it because I enjoy it so much, and I enjoy making music with you guys so much. I know two weeks isn't that long, but hopefully I won't miss you too much! Adios for now....catch you soon for the upcoming months of projects... :D

Stumbling along

2009-06-24T09:05:00.003+10:00

....and just like that, my one and only exam is over.
How anti-climatic. But sheer relief is the feeling that swept over me.

It has been a busy busy time....
vocal exams, rehearsals, studying, rehearsals, concerts, rehearsals, studying, rehearsals.
I love it though (the rehearsals part...)
Done a little bit of Melbourne suburbia on the train...I quite enjoy it, even if it does take more time. It's quite exciting to see where people live, and to go to the suburbs and see the various characters.

Mozart and Strauss have been the pillars of this semester's music-ing.
There is a bit more to go (of the Strauss sort).

Okay, so I left this post for a while, and now it's another day...let me continue...

And just like that, all the exams are over. Mine and the others'. They went mostly ok. Some more satisfying than others, some more comfortable than others. But very happy for them all.
Yes, I tend to get personally involved in them. Even if I really shouldn't. But that's just me. And if it doesn't turn out so well, so be it - some of them are not there for me to feel personally responsible.
There has been much money spent on food. There has been some funny (read: strange) events. Of weird coincidences; interesting. There have been things to hang on to, things to return (still pending hehe). There has been standing in the cold, but totally worth it.
I miss being ridiculously busy.....(I never think I'll say that, but hey, there it is!)
I wonder if we should talk...?

The end of the semester

2009-05-28T17:11:00.003+10:00

What? Another semester gone already!
One more hour of required class to go to. And then it's twelve weeks of the undergraduate installment. Eek.
Much has happened in the past two weeks.
There has been much playing, most of all. Playing of trio music, of quintet music, Strauss concerto, other music. There has been applying for AYO and AISOI. There have been final assessments: conducting tests, chamber music exams (if you missed these, you missed out big time. They were awesome. But you'll be able to catch us on the radio. Even if you're not in this city! The other one, I hope you get to hear it sometime soon, because it was awesome. Not kidding.) There have been fun times two-piano-ing. There has been some MYO-ing (and more to come).
Oh, and I've managed to go to uni in-between all that. Which apparently has one commerce class somewhere....

So, pretty much, lots of music-king. Enough in the last two weeks to confirm that this is what I want to do. How, is another question. I've been asked quite a bit in the last three months, "What are you going to do next year?" The truthful answer is "I don't know." It scares me quite a bit.
I'd like to stay in this city - I've definitely fallen in love with it. And I don't think I could leave the people I've met here. But I know some of them are moving, or might move. And that makes me a little bit sad - all of the people I've met in my time here have shaped the way the last four and half years have happened. I know life keeps moving, but there are parts of me that sometimes want it to go back in time, or for time to stand still for a while so that things can be replayed, or happen for a long time without any change.

I'd like to go elsewhere in the not-so-distant future though. Sydney was an option, there is a course I'd like to pursue up there, but I'm not sure I could fall in love with the city as much as I have here. And there's the prospect of Manchester, which is somewhere I'd really like to go. But I know that's far, and the opportunity, if it arises, would be awesome. I know I'd be very sad though.

I thought I had a really clear idea, but now I'm not so sure. I'd like to think of myself as a forward-planner, but really, that's only for some things. Dreams. Not necessarily practical. I'm possibly organised, but not necessarily a planner. In some ways, much of my life is really circumstantial - stuff happens because it happens (although planned by somebody far greater than me!). I just let it happen, and hopefully take the right ones and run with them. So I'm sorry if I haven't gotten down and had the real conversation I've been meaning to have with you just yet - to find out how you're really going and stuff like that. I've just been having it with other people.

I'm terribly scared. Of what may or may not happen.
What would happen if I dared?

Ahh! Overload...!

2009-05-12T22:14:00.002+10:00

So. Much. Mozart.
Don't get me wrong, I love Mozart. But there's just so. much. of. it. right. now.
Concerti.
Trio.
Quintet.
Sonata.
Arias.
Whole operas.

Almost everyday this week, I've gotten two new bits of music.
Fun. Just so. much. to. learn.

Please be patient with me.
The downside to being asked to do stuff? Over-commitment. And my inability to say no.
I'm very slowly learning.

So much for an early night....!

2009-05-05T22:50:00.004+10:00

So hopefully this is the turnaround of being a bad friend. Key point being hopefully. I will at least attempt it.
Been in virtual hiding for a bit, although my activity on Facebook might say otherwise.
Flew back to Melbourne, took the most ridiculous (and expensive) taxi ride due to the ineptitude driver. Was grumpy. Sunday pretty relaxed (although I was supposedly on a tight schedule...go figure..), met up with a friend to practice some German and ended up talking for a little while. Got to see his house though, it's very cool!
And thus began the three weeks of lockdown/craziness.

Orchestra
Was asked to play in orchestra two weeks before the concert. Stravinsky's Firebird suite. It's not easy. I got my music at noon on Monday, and was expected to be at the rehearsal, ready to go at 5.30pm that afternoon. I looked at it for 20mins and almost lost the plot. Thankfully, the conductor was forgiving as I explained to him the situation, apologising for my lack of preparation and promising that by the next week it'd be perfect. Orchestra took up Monday night, Tuesday night, Sunday afternoon, the following Monday night, Tuesday night and Thursday afternoon before the concert Thursday night. So, I could make those times, but those were actually the times I was supposed to be doing those assignments. Oh, I see why I got so time-deprived....
It was fun though. I really enjoy doing orchestra, particularly as most of my friends are orchestra players. The organisation of it was miserable (the fault of the top admin, I believe) but the actual playing was ok, and the learning experience good.
A few friends came to the concert, which was quite exciting - the message going around was that a lot of them couldn't make it, which I was getting a little sad about. P said it was a reflection of how many good friends I had, or moreso, which ones were actually the good ones! Haha. I was pleasantly surprised to see one friend, didn't think he was coming at all, so that was nice!
Went to the afterparty for a little longer than intended, but it was really nice to hang out with those friends as well as musos afterwards. The usual crowd, fun times :)

Birthdays
The celebration of three in one week. My actual birthday was a very busy day, so it didn't feel particularly celebratory except for the masses of FB love and text messages :) Couldn't really party big time though with lots of uni on, rehearsal to attend, and tests the next day to study for! But thanks to everybody who did send greetings and love, muchly appreciated :)
Two days later, we carried out the most unsurprising and awkward birthday surprise party. It was pretty funny in retrospect. So much effort had been put into the operation, I was very impressed. There was some behind-the-scenes communication on the inside, a decoy, and a nice turn-out. Amazing party food (woo!) and good company.
Actually celebrated my own birthday a little bit over two occasions: dinner at Thaila Thai (followed by the Comfy Chair afterwards, not planned, but the night was left open) and then brunch the following morning at Cicalata. Both were lovely occasions, it was good to hang out with friends for some time over the weekend, pretty blissful :) Thanks to those who did come to celebrate, and no worries to those who couldn't make it. It was fun, but not a huge deal frankly - still had much work and business to attend to that weekend, so it was some good relief and fun :)
The next party was the following night after church, felt a lot like a pizza party - it was awesome. Much fun, with the usual suspects again (whom I love very much!) - it was good to celebrate! I had fun, and a lovely time. :)
Just this last weekend, celebrated a 21st birthday with a champagne breakfast in South Yarra. It was truly beautiful, and much fun. And a great idea! L, you are an amazing girl - it's probably not so evident, but I truly love you to bits and admire and respect you so much.

Clothes
The church has recently been repainted as part of the restoration works. Now, to go with the forward looking Vision, the church has adopted and equally modern outlook on the walls. Ask me to show you sometime if you haven't already seen it. We were on music that weekend, so we thought it'd be a fantastic idea to dress according to the colours of the church. That is, some grey (and white if desired) with highlights of red, blue and lime green. Bright much? Yes, that's right, we matched the church. Right down to some bits of grey, me wearing a kid's blue jumper (so we didn't have so much red in the lineup), P wearing ALL three colours (and that's what she would NORMALLY wear....!), and S's shirt matching the lime green wall so much that it looked almost like Floating Head Dummer.
All Blacks. Much performing.

More performing
So, asides from the orchestra concert, there's been some repeated Concert Class appearances. As in, I'm playing in some form or another (trio, quintet, accompanying) every week. yes, that's six consecutive weeks. I hope I'm not boo-ed off for being so prominent haha. Well, the way I see it, I'm (we're) getting practice because we got our act together. It's all about efficiency......
And there was last Friday where Chamber Class was the J&G show. No kidding. Our quintet was first, then our trio. Just in case you know, hand't had enough Mozart. Or Eb Major. Again. Haha. It was wonderful though. Even though it wasn't performance do-or-die at that time, it was still pretty adrenalin-pumped to play well for the whole hour. Which left me EXHAUSTED at the end of the day! I see how playing an entire concert with that much concentration, adrenalin and pressure is a very difficult thing!

So, the group assignment is finished, as is the essay (although that was pretty much done three days in advance woo efficiency and nerdiness!) apart from a couple of final touch-ups the day before. All is finished with that today. And I thought I was going to go to bed early tonight, until I realised that I have a test tomorrow (not too nervous about it, thankfully - yet...) and some homework to do. And much admin to sort through. I like doing the admin, but maybe with not so much work that needs to be done, you know? So much for that early night...I'll catch up on the sleep next week - am not going to the ball so I can have me-time. Muchly needed. I'll get there.....

Am trying to do Organisation Freakism as I realise that I have exams in two weeks' time (eek!) and uni has to keep rolling in that time, and that there are other things to prepare for in that time. I wish I had the next two weeks to do intense chamber music for the whole time. Alas, that is not possible, how unfortunate. But I have drawn up a timeline for each group - there is much work to be done......so possibly will not be the best friend at the moment......sorry....I'll do it as best I can!

Exciting little snippets: some good comments about my playing, particularly from people who can do stuff and facilitate stuff. I just need to maintain standards. And I did admittedly say No this evening to something, plus only a fairly unlikely 'maybe' to something else. It feels a little sad because as a young musician, you take as many opportunities you get. But in my case, it's often to the detriment of my health or ever-so-slightly mental state (even though I love being busy). And that's where knowing that I over-commit has to kick in and be sensible.

Sorry...

2009-04-17T19:52:00.002+10:00

...if I'm a crap friend in the next three weeks. Please forgive me.
I thought I could do everything, and therefore said yes to it all.
I really want to do it, so I am. But this is the brief overview:
7: number of orchestra rehearsals in the next two weeks
1: Paris essay (60%) due
1: Econometrics project (20% group) due
1: Econometrics test
2: Conducting tests
7: Playing in front of people of sorts (not rehearsals)
1: Birthday that is my own to celebrate
5: Other birthdays to celebrate :)

Don't get me wrong, I love rehearsals, I love performing, I enjoy working hard and being pushed to work hard. Just perhaps not in such quick succession and so much so condensed.

ANAM Applications out soon. Haven't had lesson. Starting to worry a lot. What if I can't do it?
What if I can't even audition for AYO stuff? AHH!!

I can't wait for the semester to be over, but it means some stuff will finish there. I hope some of it doesn't, that it continues. Hopefully. Time is a friend. Also an enemy...
Please bear with me. I value your friendships very much - just be patient, and please support and encourage me!

Eighteen weeks left of universty: the undergrad installment

2009-04-09T23:27:00.002+10:00

Ahh!
Easter is upon us - which means term one is over. Which means I'm supposed to have learnt half of the material for this semester already. Ahh! I am very far from that!
Rehearsals again have taken up much of my time - which I do admittedly enjoy. Have fortunately managed to meet up with friends in-between that (some more than others...) which is also good. I like those moments.

So, highlights have included....

* Getting gelate on Lygon St on a lovely Saturday afternoon. A lovely way to while away the time... :)
* Wednesdays. Conducting class has been challenging, amusing and frustrating. And a time to get really hungry....whereupon we immediately run out to get lunch. Pity we don't get pastries (yet!) in the morning during our quintet rehearsal.....we're still waiting ;)
* Fun music practice. Where we check out the new colour scheme. And then how that becomes the hot topic of conversation. (Eg. would you have a wedding with those walls? What would the bridesmaids wear? Who or what would actually be the centre of attention?!)
* 21sts. There's not too many left to attend (I think...) but there are a few. Particularly good when almost everybody there you also consider your close friends in that circle too. Lovely.
* Housewarmings. Paintings. Friends.
* Chamber music tutes that go well. When they like us :) Which seems to be working out for us at the moment......and the satisfaction of being pushed hard because somebody thinks you have potential. And then hearing the results. So exciting.
* Exciting music ideas.....and how people are really excited about delivering the news!
* Playing in Concert Class (even when you play wrong notes that are dissonant and really funny!). And for singing lessons. And for grad seminars.
* Long hours of days out - morning till night. Running around madly trying to make rehearsals, meetings, dinner appointments, concerts. Awesome times. Except for the homework I didn't do....but I knew I was never going to do it...
* Those days that are really cold....but sunny and clear. One of my favourite sorts. More heat is preferable for some, but this, I think is really ideal, so long as one is dressed approrpriately for it.
* Massive church services because there are four people being baptised on the same night. Awesome. Truly.

I fell asleep (read: nodded off multiple times) in EVERY class this week - oops...there is much revision to be done.
And there is a warm bed waiting for me to hop into it. Why am I blogging now? I've set my alarm for six hours' time....so that I can catch a cab at 7.15am. So. Early. Ahhh.
See y'all back in the 'bourne soon...
xoxo. Not that one. Just me. :P

So long!

2009-03-21T22:01:00.002+11:00

Ah! I thought I'd updated a bit more recently than Feb 24th. Apologies to reader(s?!) out there.
Anyway, uni started. It has been very busy. Even before uni started.
Did more travelling by going on QC Mentor Camp to Foster North (for the 3rd year in a row!). I've been to more mentor camps than not in my time haha....
We were a bit worried given that there were fires around that area, but they were pretty far from where we were going, so it was ok.

Uni really snuck up on me. I really need a holiday now. I needed one three weeks ago.....how sad!
Still getting my head around my timetable, all my homework (which has seriously snuck up on me - how did this all happen?!). I thought final year was going to be more of the same....but it's not really. It feels like I have a couple of large projects due, which I didn't expect at all..
Feeling fairly stressed - really still haven't figured out this whole uni thing again! I'm fitting in an Accompanying lesson as well (which isn't on campus) as well as a couple of hours of work a week. I've found that Monday-Wednesday is super super busy and then it all just disappates and Thursday has no classes (though possibly a Concert Class appearance) and Friday has a rehearsal and only one class!

Got asked to play in MYO for their performance of Shostakovich's 7th Symphony. It's pretty exciting - this is my fifth orchestral pianist experience, and the fourth time it's Shosta! It's fairly well-run, which is cool, plus I have a couple of friends in the orchestra so it makes it exciting to actually go to the rehearsals, and know that I'll be playing on stage with these friends!

Trio got super-organised and put in all our plans for this semester - all our rehearsals (all the regular ones anyway, with possible emergency ones to be scheduled as we go along) put in, as well as our first tute confirmed, as well as our final date of performance (read: assessment) and the dates that we'll play in class. It's nice to have that all in concrete (I think it's pretty set anyway!).

I'm sad to have left Apollo - but think they're in fairly safe hands :) But now I'm seeing I couldn't have managed it - probably a wise decision (I'd like to think so anyway!) Again, I'm pulling weird hours (though you know, fairly usual Gladys-hours...)

Okay, I should get off the internet and you know, actually go get some of that sleep that I'm desparately craving!

ps. Went to MSO last weekend (thanks J!). Pretty cool. Ashkenazy conducted and Janine Jansen played pretty darn amazingly! I forgot how much fun going to concerts were. And how many musos you see when you go! Plus, I ran into my old school's now-retired deputy principal (the one whose farewell concert I played at, the same one the school flew me home for!). How coincidental - it was fun :) I love those weird funny stories!

2009-02-24T21:18:00.003+11:00

Lots has happened since February 5th.

AYO Season 1 has concluded. I've played with the orchestra at Costa Hall (Deakin University, Geelong), as well as at the Great Hall of Parliament House in Canberra. We drove through areas affected by Black Saturday after the hottest day on record. We travelled in a bus from Melbourne to Canberra, as well as from Canberra to Sydney. I almost met my MP at Parliament House. I saw Gideon Kremer and his orchestra at Llewellyn Hall. I stayed at one of the most beautiful colleges I've ever stayed at (Women's College at Sydney University). I went to the SCG for a Professional Development Session, had a photo with Georgie Parker, had another photo with Steve Waugh. I caught a bus (after getting completely drenched along the main road, just like in the movies) into the centre of Sydney city, and managed to (eventually!) get on the right train for a 45min ride out to Seven Hills. I watched the rehearsal of AYO in Sydney including the one with Human Nature singing one of my favourite songs, 'People Get Ready'.
Had some post-AYO S1 withdrawal symptoms; it almost felt strange to not be surrounded by crazy awesome musos all the time!

Managed to get back to Melbourne. Got picked up from the airport and driven back 'home' by a friend - thank you. Trying to 'set up shop' back in the same flat from last year. Yes, the same one - had to move out over summer if I didn't want to pay the rent. Oh well. Still not completely all set up - boxes still in lounge room etc. but getting there. Hopefully will be neat(er) this year; we've put a cleaning regime in place. Hopefully it works and sticks!

Busy weeks back after AYO. Friends have probably thought that because uni starts next week, we need to enjoy the rest of the summer holidays as long as they last, which means we should go out lots! It's fun, just tiring sometimes and can get expensive. But it's really nice to get back into the groove with everybody. S1 in Melbourne felt a little strange, like I was in my adopted home city, but not. Don't get me wrong, I love all my friends, but over time they change composition according to circumstances, a lot of the time. So it feels like sometimes it needs time to get back into it. I feel like a lot has happened in Melbourne while I've been away; I mean, yeah, a lot has happened that I feel like I've missed out on. We've been to MSO with a picnic, I had to skip Luna Park (but it sounded fun!), we went to the beach (the boys played Ultimate, the girls watched; we got fish and chips), I missed gelate (due to being at ANAM for a concert - very musician crowd, so different!), we're going to Night Market. Spent almost a day in the city because of Cathedral gig - the company was excellent though, made it bearable and fun! I think I'll miss a few things because of this camp this weekend....I hate missing things. And saying no.

Been into uni almost every day - hello practice regime. Gotta get back into it. Now that I figured that I think I know what I want to do next year. There's a path of hard work ahead of me. Haven't really got into the swing as much as I'd like, but next week will REALLY kick in soon...Just been on LMS and figured out that I have homework before I start and that I'm already behind! Such a worrying way to start the year....

Going to go switch mobile phone plans. Sorry Optus - there was a time when Prepaid was the best option, but some of the service has been not top-notch and the rates aren't really cutting it anymore. I hate to think that a brand I've been loyal to for about five years is losing a customer...oh well. Been to mentor training for the Con and will be taking on mentees from Queen's as well. I'm a little worried but hopefully it'll be ok.

Busy is the name of this year, I think. Nothing out of the ordinary though, I suppose. I'm staying in my allocated Conducting Class - with some friends phew. Trying to organise times and schedules....
I have ten hours of class this semester
but that excludes:
my piano lesson
lesson with accompanying teacher
chamber music rehearsals (quintet, trio/s?)
any accompanying things
3hrs of work in the library

And I'm supposed to be studying? And keeping a social life? Hah.
We'll see. I'll try.

Still around!

2009-02-05T09:24:00.002+11:00

Just not posting regularly....

Music Camp in Adelaide came and went. It was lots of fun - awesome music, a very jam-packed schedule of rehearsals, more rehearsals, concerts, even more rehearsals. The concerts were awesome, Shostakovich 11 was incredibly moving. And loud. And very long! Had a great party afterwards, involving going out at 11pm and staying out till 4am. And then playing some table-tennis till about 4.45am. All in time for some people to catch a 7am bus. At least mine was a bit later, but two hours sleep doesn't quite cut it normally! It was fun though. Definitely a really fun camp. Possibly more detail to follow in another post.....

Went home for a week to relax a little, reminisce much about Camp, get prepared to pack up again and go again, but this time for an extended time! Saw Australia Day fireworks from a prime location, and celebrated Chinese New Year at abou the same time - quite a unique coincidence of dates!

A week and a bit after arriving home from camp, I was off again to Melbourne for AYO tour. Still on it, our first concert is tonight in Melbourne Town Hall. I've been looking forward to this concert for a while now, also because lots of my friends are coming to see it woo! I'll definitely try to do a wrap-up of tour when it's over. Remind me.

Also more reminders to self: a post called "Criticisms" with key topics Principals, Orders of Australia, AOC funding. Grr....

The end of 2008 - hello 2009!

2009-01-05T18:16:00.002+11:00

Christmas at our place was quite large...22 people in all. We went to church in the morning, and then promptly came home to cook for the rest of the day! The feast was quite amazing - so much food, so many people!

Went to some of the post-Christmas sales, but definitely not the Boxing Day rush of Myer and David Jones. I'd gone to bed the night before (or morning!) at 3am after the clean-up (including staying up to see the end of the dishwashing cycle, as it was the first time we used the machine!) so a serious sleep-in was in order. As well as watching the cricket.

Managed to catch up with a couple of friends (well, will do so by the end of this week!). But mostly been hiding at home, enjoying the air-conditioning!

Camp music came (finally!) - I was expecting Stravinsky. Instead, I got Shostakovich and Ades. Which shocked me a little. Because I was prepared for hard. And got and easy bit and a VERY VERY hard bit. I think I got the harder end of the deal! And I also got AYO music, which is mostly fun. The Shostakovich is mostly octaves (including 31 bars of A octaves at a very loud dynamic!), with some other bits in-between, including a few solos yay! The Bernstein is so much fun (quite complex and hard though!) but it's not a boring piano part, which is good - ie. I don't sit there for most of the piece only to play a little segment. I actually play for most of the piece. It should be fun. We got the itinerary for the three-week tour, which looks like lots of fun. We're mostly based in Melbourne, but will be travelling to Geelong for a concert, as well as to Canberra for a few days (9hr coach ride ahh!) as well as to Sydney for a couple of days as well.

I'm off to Adelaide this weekend, which I'm excited about (but a little nervous woo!). Should be fun. Don't really know what is going to go down there, but should be good. And then home for another week and a half and then off again. Wow, these holidays are going pretty fast!

Social idea for Melbourne '09.....
Let's go to the outdoor movies at the Botanic Gardens when I get back to Melbourne!
What do you think?

Four Weddings and a Funeral

2008-12-16T11:17:00.002+11:00

Back at home, chilling out. Haven't found a job with the agency yet. But I'm fairly content to relax. Eagerly anticipating NMC music which is supposed to be in the mail.

Enjoyed last few days in Melbourne - Night Market, Lygon St adventures, airport rides, extended BBC viewing sessions, pizza-making.

Thanks to those who called me last week - really appreciated it.
Wish I could be there with you all.